To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

So why can't that be true of the other women who you've spoken on to here who have been with their partners for years?

It's not about getting a rise out of people it's about defending myself

What you mean the posters on here who haven't had sex with their partners for months or even longer in some cases or the ones who repeatedly moan at their partners for stupid shit

You're defending decisions that put a little girl in danger.
At least one poster trying to support you has experience of being put at significant risk as a child and has replied to you despite it bringing up their past trauma.
It's not something to defend, it's something to change.

But I am making changes iv repeatedly said this but people are purposely choosing to ignore that

I really respect women - there’ve been a few on this thread - who don’t allow a strange man into a house with access to kids until the kids are late teens. That’s the gold standard in putting the kids first - mum gets to have a romantic life, but kids are not in danger of being molested.

Not all parents want to do that. So on that basis, the less “strange” the man, the better. The longer you’ve known him, the better. The longer you wait, the better.

A year seems much too little to me. Especially if the kids are very small.

People need to give me realistic time frames of when it's acceptable to have bf stay over

Wow. This is one of the saddest things I've read on here.

This is in no way how a relationship works.

They don't have to, yet one poster hsd just told you.
@fitzwilliamdarcy laid out realistic timelines. You just don't want to wait that long. If you were putting your daughter first, you would. Simple as that really.

How do you know this? Do you know everyone's details of their relationships?
Also why do you think that the above means their partners would cheat?

No she didn't she said late teens my youngest is 3 so you think I shouldn't have my bf stay over for another 13 years 🤣🤣

What you mean the posters on here who haven't had sex with their partners for months or even longer in some cases or the ones who repeatedly moan at their partners for stupid shit

I used to think like you..... I thought that my intrinsic value in a relationship was rooted in sex.
I dressed sexily, starved myself to keep my figure, made myself available for sex whenever my partner wanted and even did things I wasn't entirely comfortable with ..... I also didn't 'nag', I was the cool girlfriend and soooo much better than those women who said no to sex, moaned at their partners and didn't look after themselves.

He still cheated.

Thankfully I grew up and found a man who respects me, respects my boundaries and will listen to me if I have an issue with something without accusing me of nagging.

I'm just going on what people post and if I had a partner who never wanted sex and treat me like shit I'd cheat on him

I suspect you’d simply reject them on the basis that anything less than you’re comfortable with isn’t realistic.

Is your desire to have him over so much and so early essentially because you think he can only be kept if you’re providing him with loads of sex?

No, I didn’t, and it’s not the first time you’ve proven incapable of reading my comments.

I said that this was gold standard and posters on this thread have said that it’s what they would do, which I commend them for.

I said that if not prepared to do this, then a year is too little and the longer that you can wait, the better.

I’m glad you find safeguarding so hilarious though.

I want him to stay over as I like being with him I like spending time with him and he makes me feel safe. I like having someone to cuddle up with at night, I like waking up next to someone

You said this about your mates dad.

You don't deserve people's well-meaning advice and patience to be honest. You need SS intervention to remove even supervised contact with your children if you think forcing your underage daughter to go on the pill in the future rather than protect her from your two-week old romance who apparently has moved in as you can't sleep alone is good parenting. You are not a safe parent, let alone a good one.

Out of interest, do you work at all? Or just fill your days drinking, shagging random men and insulting strangers on the internet? What did you used to get regularly arrested for?!

How can you write that and then say I'm insulting people on the Internet also if your not gonna help with my question of how long is acceptable then why would I answer urs

Waiting (at least) a year before introducing your children to any boyfriends = putting your children first.

So how does this work for the people who get married within 6 months of meeting. People's standards for me seem to be higher then for the general population

I can't see anyone on here who has stated the above.

When both of my parents met new partners they didn’t introduce them to me and my sister until at least a year of them being together. And even then they didn’t stay over.

My dad’s partner didn’t stay over when we were there until they were about to move in together so about another year later, so two years into their relationship

My mum has been in a relationship for many years but they have never lived together so he didn’t stay over at all when we lived in the house. Obviously they still had time together, but that was when we were at my dad’s

You will probably say this is BS but in fact it is pretty standard both from my own experience and also with friends who are single parents now

You don't want help or advice on your question, you just want attention.

Maybe look for a job, or getting back into education, or working on yourself outside as just being a blow up doll for a man you've known two weeks yet have moved into your daughter's home.

I hope someone in your children's lives knows what is going on and reports. You are a safeguarding risk, yet seem to think the whole situation is hilarious. It's desperately sad for your daughters.

Thankyou for answering the question. It's a million miles of what I was thinking but thankyou anyway