To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

Oh ok then let’s all just drive blindfolded and never use protection then. Awesome.

What are you talking about that comparison is ridiculous

Anybody having sex without a condom is taking a risk. Everyone. So maybe look at yourselves before judging others

I know my husband has never cheated on me because he's a decent human being.

He also didn't moan or guilt me about having to use condoms in the early stages of our relationship. Again, because he's a decent human being.

There is so much good advice and opinions given to you and you just turn it on it's head and really believe your skewed views are correct.

Yes I have and yes, I do. Honestly, the best thing to have done would have been to keep the name changed MNHQ seem to have helped you to do and left this thread.
The original question, on the face of it, isn't all that bad, however obviously people will be shocked when it's another very new partner in a line of many, when there is a young child involved.
Your risk assessments are very poor, that's just fact, especially if you think we're at as much risk of STDs and violence as each other.
Your comment about my DP further shows the standard of men to which you've become accustomed/think is normal.

I can't speak for other posters, but reading about someone taking all these risks and genuinely thinking it's fine is worrying. I'm not trying to be nasty to you, although my post is very blunt. You may be engaging with services and making improvements, but your attitude hasn't changed overall, going by your latest posts.

If I had a pound for everyone who said their husband is a decent man and would never cheat. Do you honestly believe he's never cheated or do you just tell yourself that to feel better

I know it. Why would I stay with a man who I thought or knew had cheated on me?

Your experience of relationships is obviously very different to most people's on this thread.

I think her husband, like my partner, is just a decent man.
You surround yourself with certain types of men, not everyone does. Most of us wouldn't touch them with an extra long barge pole.

But you don't know it. Everyone has the ability to cheat

I always have the landing light on. Legacy from childhood but i hate a completely dark room. I also like the window open to let air in

Do you honestly believe he's never cheated or do you just tell yourself that to feel better

I think you’re trying to convince yourself that all men cheat to make yourself feel better. You don’t appear to have met many, if any, decent men.

I have the ability to learn to fly a plane, but I don't.

You have a really poor view of what a relationship should be like and perhaps some sort of therapy would help,

Change doesn't happen overnight. People need time. How about a well done for making changes and improving things for your daughters instead of ok she's sorted this and that so what can i call her out on next

Anybody having sex without a condom is taking a risk. Everyone. So maybe look at yourselves before judging others

But it's degrees of risk isn't it?

The situation you describe is significantly riskier than having unprotected sex in a long term, monogamous relationship.

I'm with you on the lights but can't have the window open I get scared who might break in also the bugs 🤢

Risk is risk I wouldn't judge someone for something I was doing myself

The fact you don't know im having therapy to improve my life for my children shows how little notice you have taken on my thread and maybe you should read it before having such strong opinions about what I am and aren't doing

You're telling other posters their partners and cheating and that nobody uses condoms. That's what I'm taking umbrage at, and wondering why you think it's the norm. You should raise this with your counsellor, if you are indeed in therapy.

It’s actually not - it’s risk assessment. Identifying a risk and trying to mitigate it as much as possible.

Driving is dangerous and many people get in accidents. For a parent, knowing an accident could leave their child without a parent but also that some car journeys are necessary, it might look like this. No more non-essential journeys and for the essential ones, always driving carefully and not taking risks on the road.

Sex always carries risks. For a parent, there’s pregnancy and STIs, and either could have an adverse effect on existing kids. But on the other hand, a sex life may be very important to the parents. The risk assessment might look like this. The more partners I have, the riskier sex is - no more casual sex without double protection. If I’ve just one partner of several years and we’re both monogamous and I trust that that’s the case taking into account their personality/behaviour, AND we’re both prepared for unexpected pregnancy, then just the pill will do. If we’re not prepared for another baby, then double up on protection is the only way.

Thats how risk assessment works. What you’re doing is “loads of people cheat even in long term relationships so I’ll just not use condoms with any of the various people I’m having sex with”. That’s not good risk assessment.

Your risk assessment skills have been shown to be poor in other areas - allowing strange men to sleep in your house with your daughter and believing there’s no risk because you’re present, being the obvious example.

And posters are telling me I'm a bad mum and that I'm not listening and don't care about my children

So you're lashing out and it's tit for tat? That's quite immature.

You've argued the toss with everyone that has tried to constructively help you. PP's are concerned and trying to help.

God op that is terrible. Im so sorry that has happened to you.

I think i keep my light on at night because my older (teen) siblings used to scare the shit out of me. Would let me watch 18 rated films at age 6 and i was genuinely terrified. They would also hide in my bedroom and scare me. It was all a laugh to them, they ganged up on me but im still living with that now.

i say the lights are on for my kids but its really for me! idc really what others think

So the risk is anybody having sex can get an std so everyone should be using condoms yet their not and don't seem to see anything wrong with that for themselves but have an issue with it for others

I'm with you on this having a light on at night is something I will never change it just helps me feel safe. Iv compromised with him on other things but the light is staying

On the thread that was deleted she was adamant that EVERY parent drinks when they have their children and its the norm.