To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

As well as you knew your friend’s father, who just a few short weeks ago you fucked, claiming that you knew he cared deeply for you, as he’d known you since you were a child, and you knew he wouldn’t mess you around etc etc etc yet now after fucking you he doesn’t talk to you anymore?

Your judgement is severely skewed but you don’t want to acknowledge that, instead you ‘know’ and ‘care about’ someone enough to let them sleep in the same house as your young child, instead of protecting her.

You’d ‘die for the kids’ - yeah right.

Nothing is ever good enough. I stopped taking drugs, I'm quitting drinking, iv stopped anyone sleeping over when my daughters here. I'm engaging with services. What more do people want from me

Have some boundaries.
Work on your self esteem.
Stop letting random men have sex with you, and make them wear condoms.

Put your daughters first.
Stop getting arrested.

I haven't been arrested in almost a year. Im engaging with mh services so working on my self esteem and boundaries. My daughters always come first which is why im making so many changes. Its all for them. Anything else or do you prefer to keep being wrong.

Start using condoms.

Awaiting the reason why you can’t do that in 3, 2, 1…

I really feel for you, as it sounds as though you've been through so much in your life. You seem to be taking steps to improve your situation. Nevertheless, your behaviour is still genuinely reckless and dangerous. You aren't protecting yourself and your children are also at risk.

This thread shows exactly how different your perspective is to that of the majority. Even the ostensible subject of the thread. You seem surprised that many people sleep without lights on/background noise. Although that is a minor issue, it represents how your perspective isn't like most people's.

Much more importantly, it truly is not the norm to have sex with people you barely know, to allow them to have sex with you without a condom, to introduce random sexual partners to your children (even as "friends").

Since you keep returning to this thread, I assume you are getting something out of it. My advice FWIW is the same as many PPs. Go on dates if you want to (out to dinner, to the cinema, whatever) but stop the sexual encounters until you really know someone. Stop drinking completely. Work on your own self-esteem so that it doesn't depend on whether someone wants sex with you. And most crucially, focus on your children and their wellbeing, build up your relationship with them.

I enjoy sex without a condom. My body my choice

You keep saying you would die for your kids, keep having unprotected sex with random men and that could happen as a worse case scenario

As a pp said your view of the world is very different to what nearly every other poster has experienced. Do you not even think there is something in that? You say people don’t use condoms. They do. You say men don’t wait for sex. They do. You say it’s not normal to sit in alone at night. It is

Maybe consider that posters do have a view that you should listen to. You do keep coming back to MN after all. If you didn’t believe us then why do you keep starting threads asking for advice?

Lots of us enjoy sex without a condom. Sex without a condom is better than sex with a condom.

However: we also enjoy knowing that we won't become pregnant by a casual acquaintance/best friend's dad/friend's ex boyfriend when we already have two children who we are unable to care for (because in that situation, the Pill isn't enough, especially if you're unreliable about taking it). We also enjoy not picking up STDs.

I have listened and have taken steps to improve my life for my girls. Sorry if its not quick enough for everyone but that's the reality of mental illness and addiction

I have alarms on my phone now to remind me to take all my medication including the pill.

This is why I roll my eyes at people saying they’d die for their kids. It’s really easy to say, because you know you’ll never have to do it. It’s lip service.

What’s hard is living for them - making the best choices on issues that could hurt them, rather than deciding that serving your enjoyment or addictions are more important.

You enjoy sex without a condom. It’s not rocket science that it feels better. But it leaves you open to pregnancy (even taking the pill exactly as you should isn’t bulletproof) and an entire raft of STIs that can have harmful physical effects.

You can’t say you’d die for your kids - you won’t even take steps to prevent yourself from getting pregnant or contracting a disease because “it feels better without a condom”.

I have a mum who said she’d die for me. You wouldn’t believe the things she prioritised over me. Or, well, maybe you’d agree with her.

Do you use condoms everytime you have sex?

What about STDs?

Outside of a long term relationship where both people have had STD testing, yes. It’s the standard thing to use condoms with casual partners. Why do you think they sell condoms?

Do you go for your smear?

I’m a lesbian. I use (dental dams) whenever I have oral sex and latex gloves for internal stimulation.

The only exception is being in a long-term relationship where both people are monogamous - I don’t judge people for using only one method of contraception in those circumstances, because you’re entitled to trust your partner.

But casual sex? Every damn time. And I don’t even have to worry about pregnancy, but I still take every precaution I can against STIs, because my health is important and it’d be naive to trust someone I don’t know from adam.

(And for the record, there is very little that is less sexy than dental dams and latex gloves - talk about mood killers! But I don’t have sex with women who aren’t on board with it. Not because I have killer self-esteem, but because it’s an easy red flag that they don’t care about me as a person, and the easy red flags are the best ones.)

But your long term partner could also cheat on you and give you and give you an std I can't believe mumsnetters are taking such a big risk with their health. Won't someone please think of the children.

Everyone is at risk of stds its a risk most people take everyday no matter how long theyve been in a relationship

The more you post the more I realise that you don't want any help or advice, I think you are getting off on the drama and outrage and loving every minute of these threads, genuine person or not you need to get help for this.

That’s a bit like saying that driving a car is dangerous, so we should all just blindfold ourselves whilst we drive. There’s a big risk difference between being betrayed by a long term partner and not bothering with protection whilst having tons of casual sex.

No u lot just ignore the fact of all the advice iv taken and nit pic at anything left like iv repeatedly said from people's advice and stories iv stopped taking drugs, I'm safely withdrawing from alcohol with the help of d&a services. Iv stopped overnight stays when my daughter is here. I'm fully engaging with services. Your all now just realising what hypocrites you all are for realising you all have sex without condoms even though there is a risk of stds even with a long term partner.

Lots of people have affairs its not uncommon the risk is still high

You are just picking fights now, OP.
It shouldn't need to be said, but can you really not see that the risk of sleeping with lots of strangers without protection is much riskier than one person who could possibly have cheated?
Knowing DP for years and him barely speaking a word to me in anger and never so much as threatening to hurt me, there is also a next to zero risk that he will injure or worse, kill me. Can you be confident that the random man you've brought home doesn't want to hurt you or the other occupants?

You think I'm picking fights have you read my thread or the actual question I asked 🤔. If you think your partner has never cheated on you your very naive.