To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

He came in the evening and was here in the morning so they have met.

My kids always come first

Oh fgs, you barely know this man. He shouldn't have been introduced to your daughter at all at this stage. All your daughter is seeing is "mum's got another boyfriend". He could be anyone - a rapist, an abuser, a lovely guy. You have no idea who he is. But no lovely guy would be staying over so soon with your daughter there too - a nice man would be saying "you need to prioritise your DD - I'll see you another day" (and preferably a day, not a night - because there's more to a relationship than shagging).

They obviously don't if your daughter has met YET ANOTHER person you've been shagging for 2 weeks.

That's not parenting.

I tell my daughters their friends I don't say boyfriends

Your daughter is 10 - she knows what's going on!!

If you want her to grow up shagging anything that moves and having her kids taken off her then you're setting the right example.

I'm really sorry to say it, but no they don't.

We went through all this about 500 posts ago. Your daughters aren't stupid. You're not allowed to have the younger one overnight anyway - but your 10 year old knows full well what's going on.

What do you want for her? Do you want her to have some self esteem and self respect and for her possibly to become a good mum herself? Or do you want her to see women as convenient holes for shitty men? That's what you're showing her as "normal". If you want her to grow up with a chance of breaking this cycle, you're going to have to radically change your own behaviour. You are one of her main role models. Do you want her to be and feel like you?

OP it's good to see you took on board what people were saying about making your daughter feel she is number 1 priority when she is with you. Hopefully you will continue to stick to it being only you and her everytime you are with her.

For reasons that are due to past abuse you don't have a good concept about what healthy relationships look like and that is something that you urgently need to figure out. You are modelling to your dd how women should be treated by a man and surely you would want more for your daughter even if you don't realise you all deserve more. The next time you meet a man let him show you he wants you for more than your body. Give him time to prove to you that he has respect for you and is willing to put in effort (being willing to wear a condom is so far below acceptable standards) and be willing to walk away if he isn't treating you well.

You may think she is buying the 'here meet my new friend' line but she will know. Next time you meet a new guy wait for a while to introduce them and make sure it is someone who will show her that he respects and care for her mother. This is potentially damaging your daughter more than you realise you must be the one to break the cycle for her sake.

Is he still refusing to use condoms?

Well it's a bit late now to start wearing one

I will break the cycle my girls have a good life

Of course I don't want them to be anything like me, this is why I'm making changes

Yes they do I would literally die for my kids. Their my number 1 priority

My kids are parented perfectly but my sex life is nothing to do with them or the way I parent

My girls will not grow up like that they have had a very different upbringing to me and have a good life

I think this is the norm for most single mothers and no im not his girlfriend yet but if he asks me il say yes as things are going good

Look at the replies from all the single mothers on this thread, and throughout the site. It's not normal.

Your incompatible.

How are we incompatible we get on really well

It's completely normal when single to date around

But you are not dating around, you are sleeping around.

That is an awful example to show your kids.

You can pretend to yourself that they don’t know but your oldest will know exactly what you are up to. You introduce this weeks conquest as a “friend” - you don’t think your daughter knows what that means? You are totally naive

It's definitely not! You've already had one unplanned pregnancy this year; the pill is not 100% effective, neither is a condom but both together will give you extra protection.
Also, you've said you're not his girlfriend so who else is he having sex with? Don't be an idiot, use a condom!

He's not having sex with anyone else he's been with me the whole time except Friday and Saturday and we still stayed in contact

You've admitted on another thread that you often forget to take the pill.

You're running the risk of yet another pregnancy, quite apart from sexually transmitted diseases.
And you can't know for sure if he's sleeping with other women.