To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

He said he doesn't want me on my phone why he's trying to go to sleep but says I can go on it when he's asleep which I think is fair

When my daughter was here he wouldn't come until later on so me and my dd still got plenty of time together. Yes of course I missed him we've gone from seeing each other everyday to having 2 nights apart. Just because that's how your relationships started thats not how everyone is.

As an adult who is terrified of the dark I sleep with the landing light on and either the tv on low or like you a video on my phone and it helps settle me to sleep. Typing it makes me sound absolutely pathetic but honestly it’s how I’ve always been as an adult. As a kid I had to sleep with a lamp on.

None of my exs have ever had an issue with it at all nor moaned. I was always upfront about the reasons for it though.

You're not being unreasonable as that's how you like to sleep, but equally neither is he as I'm ob his side here - no way would I want to sleep with a fan on, a light on, and the telly too, I like sleeping in the dark with minimal noise.
Your way says far too much visual and hearing stimulation to be conducive to getting to sleep!
You're not comparable bed partners if you can't compromise.
One of you in the spare bedroom or sofa best solution if not

Its not pathetic at all. Maybe this was the problem I never gave actual reasons. We have luckily come to a compromise now

You didn't care about him 6 days ago.

OP do you think there is anything that could help you feel safe to sleep alone? I know you say you like this man but I wonder if a lot of this is based in fear.

I really do say this with understanding as I had severe ptsd for years after being attacked. I can’t help feeling like this is more of a plaster than a solution for you and I hope you find a way to be happy and feel safe at night without needing anyone else.

Anyway I wish you luck and hope things improve for you and the children.

That's because we barely new each other, now we've spent 2 nights apart iv realised how much I do like him and want to be with him

Ty ❤️

Oh crikey, OP, this is such skewed thinking.

You have no unsupervised contact with one of your daughters, and very limited contact with the other. You spend the vast majority of your life doing what you like. People can reasonably play the "I need my own life too" card if they spend the huge majority of their time doing things with and for their children. Your situation is the reverse of this.

What you should be doing is focussing on your children and how to get yourself sorted out so that you can be a proper mum to them, not desperately attaching yourself to some random "lad".

And no, sex is not inevitable when you first meet someone.

I see my children as much as I'm allowed to see them I can't help that i see him more

Yes, you can help that. The situation is as it is at the moment, but of course there are things you can do to change it. Stop having unknown men sleeping over, for a start. How are your daughters going to feel in years to come when they work out that you could have done something to have a proper relationship with them, but you chose not to?

Yeah we've been together everyday since we met, we like each other so obviously wanna spend time together. It depends what you class as single iv never properly been single since like 13 iv either has a bf, seeing someone or filled the gaps with fwb.

I am doing things to change it iv stopped taking drugs, I'm quitting drinking and I'm engaging with services. I'm not choosing not to see them, I always see them when I'm allowed and I have a great relationship with both my girls. They both love spending time with me

And herein lies the problem.

What ?

Exactly this! OP this is not normal. For half your life you have always had to be in some sort of relationship with someone (whether long or short) and have not spent any time on your own. Being the sex partner of a series of guys who don’t care about you outside of your bed is no way to live your life

Well maybe the lad I'm seeing now is the one. We really care about each other and like spending time together and hes nice to me so hopefully it leads to something more.

Jesus. Just focus on your kids! "Lads" are going to come and go - probably best they all went for a while to let you actually be a mother.

Leads to more? Like another unwanted pregnancy and another child in the system?

If this guy was any sort of 'decent' HE would have made sure to make himself scarce when your child was there. He is using you for a bunk up, can you not see that?

I can be a mother and a girlfriend at the same time. Everyone else manages to

He's not like that. And he's been great with my daughter

They do - but in 99.9% of cases, they do it while prioritising their children. In your case, you're prioritising this "lad" and your own life. Men are replaceable; your children are not.

Thought he only ever came when she was asleep? You are lying to yourself and to everyone else on this thread. What are you actually hoping to achieve?

You are not his girlfriend, you have known him for a week or so and have spent it mostly in bed. Where have the dates been, what do you know about him? How many times have you spent with him that didn’t end up in sex?

You have had a string of men this year going by your posts on here. That is not normal for most mothers and if you think it is then that’s pretty sad