To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

Make sure it actually happens. Shes so excited so letting her down would break her heart. Enjoy every second of it. And make that shit happen EVERY SINGLE TIME you have her.

You know that is not true. If it were you wouldn't have lost custody of both of them and now be further reduced to only supervised visitation with one of them.

Lots of things have been put before your childrens needs, and you continue to do this.
Have you any idea how dangerous it is to be bringing men you hardly know into your home when your daughter is sleeping there?

My kids are safe, I'm there nothing is gonna happen. People making out I'm leaving random men in a house with them

It will happen.

I am a good mum you've never seen me with my kids and how much they love being with me

How long have you known this new man?

OP you're an adult so you can have whatever comforts or things in your room that you want.
And your bf is an adult and he can decide if he can sleep in those conditions or not. If it develops into something serious though, and you do even consider moving in together, you are going to have to have the discussion before that happens rather than after where one of you is pushed into something you don't want. Your sleeping space should be a relaxing place for you. You both have completely different ideas about that.

Not long but he has a kid he's fine with kids

You're with him a week and and hes sleeping over at the same time as your child. You don't have to leave the house for the danger to be there.
How many men have you brought into your home with your child present?

Kids do love being with their mum, that doesn't make you a good parent. If you were a good mum you wouldn't have only supervised limited contact.

Wildly incompatible sleep arrangements would be a deal breaker for me as well I'm afraid.

Last night we slept without the fan and TV on but kept the landing light on and I had my phone and it seemed to work so will be doing the same again tonight

I am a good mum you've never seen me with my kids and how much they love being with me

Of course your kids love being with you, but that doesn't make you a good Mum. And sadly your behaviour is not the behaviour of a good Mum.

This is quite odd. I've never heard of adults needing light and sound at night. It would put me off!

I dont think you're compatible.. Its your house so your rules but be prepared for most to feel the same way as this guy.

I genuinely hope this isn't real

If you were a good mum you’d have full custody of your children. You’re an alcoholic drug addict who has random men move in as soon as you meet them.

the kindest thing you could do at this stage given the denial you’re in is walk away from them.

I’m leaving this thread because it is not good for my mental health.

I wish you all the best for your future. Please know that ur post made a difference ❤

Oh that bloke that you said yesterday you reakised you didn't really care about? Who stayed again last night?

You are NOT a good Mum despite your protestations that we don't know you, shouldn't judge you and your kids love you.

You're a fuck up and you're damaging your kids and the MN hand-holders who want to try and make you 'see things differently' and 'be kind' are just enablers.

OP has been by her reports, under MH services for as long as she can remember with her BPD diagnosis and addictions. And social services and drug/alcohol services..

She says she's been in and out of psychiatric units for years, has had numerous welfare checks by the Police due to concerns about her, numerous self-harm and ODs. She thinks she's been unfairly labelled and judged by having a personality disorder and addictions

Hospitalised for alcohol withdrawal a few months ago.

Her eldest is 10. OP is 26.

Any well-meaning MN poster that thinks them supporting OP is going to result in a change are kidding themselves when years and years of MH services, addiction services, Police and SS involvement hasn't.

This happens time and again on MN and it's not helping OP in any way.

I don't take non prescription drugs anymore. I'm quitting drinking and I'm spending the evening alone with my daughter on Friday so I think I am actually doing a lot better. Thanks

Oh wow this took a turn from weird sleeping habits

@HappyFonz I needed this wake-up call, thanks. It's heart-wrenching that threads like these bring out the adults who were traumatised by their own addict parents, desperately trying to rectify the situation for two kids out there that they don't know but want to save. I should've stepped away last night rather than commenting and trying to 'fix' OP because I couldn't do that with my own mum.

Oh one night on your own with her?

Then I take it all back. Not.

What does 'quitting drinking' mean in your world? If you were hospitalised through withdrawals 6 months ago, you were drinking a hell of a lot. You say you don't want that to happen again as it was hell for you, so how much are you drinking? It must still be a lot daily otherwise you wouldn't be concerned about being hospitalised with withdrawals. How much?

What's your acceptable level of pissed when you spend one evening with your daughter without a stranger in the house that you're shagging and you think that's evidence of you being a good Mum?

Dear God.

The Yorkshire Ripper had a wife.
It didn't stop him murdering thirteen women.

I haven't read all the posts but I want to reiterate you are putting your children at risk.

Some men look for single parents so that they can molest the children.

You are in bed with him, sleeping deeply. He slips out and into your child's room. Tells them a lie like , "if you tell mum, you and mum will go to prison." And that's it.

"I would wake up!" Do you not think someone like that could easily slip you a sleeping pill, something tasteless in liquid form in your drink in the evening?

And you say the children are asleep when you are having sex. How do you know? People wake up at night, including children. Ten is old enough to understand exactly what the noises mean.

If you must have men over, do it on one of the five nights the children are not home.

Tell me about it, it's full of people derailing my thread