To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

<sighs> but there are still posters who don't even read who give her the replies that she craves and keeps her going on. And on. And on

And the cycle repeats

Wow I come of here for a few hours and the claws come out

I put the sleep timer on would your partner agree to that

Iv read it

If you don't want your children to have the life you have now then please please show them there is a different way.

They will follow your example because you are their Mum and they look up to you.

When you think about bringing another man home or having unprotected sex or having a drink ask yourself whether you would want your daughter to do the same. Ask yourself what you would tell your daughter if she was about to do the same.

I bet you would tell her to respect and love herself and that she's worth more - the same goes for you.

I thought it was quite common to sleep with a nightlight on. I find it reassuring.

Definitely no noise though.

Same iv always slept with some form of light

Pitch black and no noise is perfect for me, I wouldn’t compromise on the Tv being on if I was your partner, I would compromise on the light if I had a sleeping mask but would not be overly happy to but life is made of compromises. 2 of my 3 kids were fine with no light, one of them had a child’s night light for a little while but I encouraged them to sleep without a light as soon as possible. They also slept with their bedroom doors closed from day one of being in their own room, as it’s safest in event of a fire so having a landing light on would have been pointless anyway. I’m presuming you had Tv on to sleep and a light from being young, so it’s a habit you have grown up with, like any habits, if you put your mind to it you can break it.

Iv always slept like this but tonight iv agreed to no TV or fan but landing light is on and he said I can use my phone when he's asleep which he is so il see how it goes. I also like to be cuddled to sleep but that hasn't happened so i think it's gonna be a long night

Then know that you are traumatising your children. They will grow up just like you, with a different trauma. One you could have prevented but chose not to. one you caused.

I genuinely have took notice of what you wrote especially the part about not feeling enough. This has really made me think. I used to have a friend like this who everytime we were together she would always invite other people along to and it made me feel like shit. I would hate for my daughters to feel like this. I'm sorry you've had such a rough time with everything.

They really don't. What a waste of electricity.

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy Would you consider only having your partner/s over to stay when your daughter is at her dads?

I'm sorry you've had such a shit hand dealt in life xx

All you're doing OP is minimising and deflecting.

You sound like every other dysfunctional addict parent. I'd die for my kids, they have a good life, SS are bastards, I'm trying, I'm cutting down, I can't do x, y or z because of...., I'm being judged, I'm unfairly labelled, my kids are safe with me, they get everything they need and want, I cook nice meals and do nice things with them, they're having a better childhood than I did and they'll never turn out like me. Blah blah blah.

They're having a childhood just as traumatic as yours, but in a different way.

Till you start taking some responsibility and stop blaming everyone and everything else, this isn't going to change.

More crap psychology from me, but I also like to be cuddled to sleep but that hasn't happened so i think it's gonna be a long night

Just a guess, but I imagine a child who has grown up in care becomes an adult who craves cuddles in the way that a dying flower craves water. A random sex partner isn't going to plug this gap, though. In fact, he's going to make it worse because he's using you for sex then going to sleep and making you feel unloved. Get rid of him, get healthy, focus on your children and your relationship with them (because they are still young and will at the moment still love you regardless of the shit you're throwing at them - though that won't last forever). And only then think about bringing a man into the mix.

This. OP, I’m afraid you’re in denial about all the harm you’re doing them, and there’s one outstanding element - you’re actively putting them in harm’s way by having random men sleeping in your house. I don’t mean only mental harm, but the danger of rape.

Op, I see you didn’t respond to this. But it’s clear you’re reading every post

you said you’d do anything for your kids. This is a tiny ask and basic parenting. Are you not even willing to do this for her?

She wont change her ways, I was on her other thread that got deleted when she stated 'Everyone drinks when they have their children and if they say they don't they are lying'. She does not care about the damage she is doing to them.

I posted a huge reply in response but it went poof.

Sorry im not ignoring anyone my eldest often facetimes me b4 school while she's getting ready and I have said to her how does she feel about just me and her having a girls night on Friday. movie, popcorn a takeaway, paint her nails for her ect and she got so excited bless her

I do care which is why I'm making changes

This is how you should be spending your time with her, not having "friends" sleeping over. Do that on the nights you don't have your kids

That sounds great, OP.

Until your man turns up and you put yourself first again?

My kids come first they always have 🙄

Yeah, typical dysfunctional addict parenting like I said. "I do lovely things with her and she loves it, I'm a good Mum".