To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

BTW, a bit of cod psychology, but I think you are muddling up "sex" and "affection/caring". You can have perfectly good orgasms with a vibrator. Genuinely good sex happens when you are confident and happy with who you are.

Are you my cpn 👀 that is literally word for word 🤣🤣🤣

Erm no but you don’t have to put the penis inside you!!

You have a very warped view of relationships, healthy relationships

People do say goodbye after a date on the doorstep and don’t jump straight into bed, people do insist their partners (both long term and one night stands) wear a condom and guys are fine with that and people don’t have new men in their bed when their daughter is in the house and could wake up any minute

I get that you have a hard life and i empathise with that but this is yet another thread where every poster is wrong and you and the world you live in is right.

Life is about more than what guy you are going to sleep with next and that is such a bad thing to be role modelling to your kids. Your oldest is 10, she knows exactly what is going on.

OP your post makes me want to cry for you.

You deserve better than these awful men who don’t give a crap about your health. Does this all stem from not wanting to be alone? I know you might not believe this but you are so so much better being alone until you learn to like and value yourself.

Your daughter as well as likely far more aware than you give her credit for. She’s ten now - give it a few more years and she might not want to come over if this continues. Lots of ten year olds would be horribly uncomfortable with random men staying over.

I can partially relate to some of this as I went through extreme trauma some time ago although no where near what you have described and I really feel for you. Can you access counselling and support for rape survivors- even this far down the line it might help.

I hope you are okay. You are stronger than you think

😬
I wish someone would pay me to say stuff like that!

Seriously, OP, if your cpn is saying that, as well as a reasonably incisive stranger on the internet, then there might be some truth in it. Just try to think about it before you become involved with another no-hoper man. Think bigger. You are more than an orifice for a man. If a man really wants sex, he'll be putting a condom on. You're making it too easy for them not to (and I know you say you hate them, too - but you'll hate a serious STD a whole lot more).

Then why are these random blokes sleeping over when you actually have your kids? Why are you even meeting them for you to explain they're just Mommy's friend? If you have nights without them, catch all the sexually transmitted diseases you want. But keep them AWAY from your kids. Because you AREN'T protecting them letting strangers into the house with them whilst you're asleep.

So? So you don't have sex. And what?

If you're worried he'll make you, you shouldn't be alone with him.

Exactly! She hardly knows these men after a week. God knows if they have good intentions. What if the worse was to happen when OP is sleeping. This behaviour is not keeping her daughter safe

OP i really hope you find the strength within yourself to work on your own self worth. There are decent men/partners out there but you have to believe you are worth one and don't settle for less.

You get a hard time on the posts you put on here but I'm guessing you are getting something from them and hope on some level you're taking on board some of the kinder advice. I don't want to add to the pile on but i think you should really be honest with yourself about the effect it may have on your DD seeing you with different men who aren't treating you with respect. It is up to you to model what a healthy relationship looks like for her when she becomes a young woman. If she's only with you a couple of nights she will probably feel more safe and secure without having relative strangers there.

Honestly OP it just means not having sex with every guy who looks twice at you.

It means when you're snogging asking if they have protection. If they say no saying OK, but we're not having sex. If they say yeah baby, let me put my possibly disease riddled cock in you, walking away.

It means feeling you're worth more than any literal dick that will touch you.

It means putting self awareness and growth ahead of sex.

As a child of a single mother who has different men ‘stay over as friends’ regularly (and they changed a lot), I was very traumatised by my upbringing, it was chaotic at times and as an adult I have an eating disorder and OCD due to lack of control in my life. I have been in therapy and I’m trying to control my OCD and get into recovery for my eating disorder.

the hardest emotion for me was not being good enough. Not being good enough for her to stop bringing every man home that looked at her. For not being enough for her to understand why when i begged her not to do it any more. for not putting me first.

she hid stuff but kids are way smarter than you think. I now hate alcohol (too many men drinking and causing disruption in my home, police called at all hours, them wetting the bed, drunken arguments, smashing the house up), have no respect for people that bring men home to their children when they haven’t been in a committed relationship for at least a year and who don’t put their children’s needs before their own.

you might think you’re doing ok OP but you’re not. You’re fucking up your children and thank god for their dads.

also if a man won’t use a condom and expects sex after one date then you’re with the wrong man. Decent ones do exist but clearly you’re attracting / putting up with the dregs of society.

stay away from anyone with a penis, sort your life out and dedicate your life to making up for the last 10 years to your children.

She won't listen.

It's very sad

You’re right.

it really angers me. Those poor children.

5 nights a week without them, the 2 one is there and she’s shagging a stranger in the next room. Die for them my arse.

Absolutely normal.. If you're 7!

It is your bedroom, but it would be a deal breaker for me, I would find this quite odd behaviour and a little “lived on own for too long selfish behaviour”.
Most people need peace and calm to fall and remain asleep.

Is he worth trying a new way to sleep?

It’s a pattern with this poster. Everyone is wrong. Nobody understands but yet she still starts thread after thread with yet another drama, gets the same advice and ignores it then disappears from the thread to go and start a new one

I’ve always had landing light on. But usually close my door almost fully. It’s for the kids now but I think I did have it on before kids too. The fan would only be if it was roasting hot. I struggle with a fan but struggle more with the roasting heat (and I’m usually a fleeced PJ type in the winter). The tv/phone noise is a big no. Non idea how anyone can sleep like that but my kids do sometimes but things on Alexa to sleep to.

But if you’re wanting to keep this guy then you either need to compromise or agree to separate rooms/houses.

I feel so sorry for your children, especially the one with whom you have unsupervised access. You are not protecting her, you’re doing the polar opposite. All for the sake of a shag. You’d die for her, but you wouldn’t go without a shag for her.

I can’t sleep in darkness I feel unsettled for some reason and my mind races, I would love the tv on but my partner needs silence

YANBU as it’s your house. However it would be a deal breaker for me as I need dark and silence. I’ve never met anyone who sleeps with landing light on (who isn’t a young child). I don’t know anyone who sleeps with TV noise either but each to their own.

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy please read @TellKingTutIWantMyMummy post again and again.
This is what you are subjecting your children too.

I can only sleep in total darkness and quiet so this would be a deal breaker for me. I can wear ear plugs for noise but light is a problem. I can cope with a small amount of natural light but I can’t sleep with any artificial light at all, took me ages to find a clock radio with a dim enough light.

And what about the men op. Can you commit to not having men in the house when your daughter is there? To commit fully to parenting her when she’s in your care? To spend the time she’s under your care actually caring for her and not have her knowing a strange man is in the house, or having sex with her mother. That she won’t meet them, at night or in the morning, because you won’t have them there when she’s there.

can you commit to that? You said you’d do anything for your kids. This is the basics. Can you do this?