To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

What kind of stability do you think your CPN means?

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult life, OP. But you must understand that a lot of posters are concerned for you and for your children.

I hope you can turn a corner and get some help. It sounds very difficult.

❤❤

I'm on the pill

I actually think it's really interesting learning the different ways people have their sleep environment

The pill won't stop you contracting something that might affect your sex life for the rest of your life.

But you said yourself I only introduce anyone to my kids if their staying over and the kids are here and I just say their friends

How does your children meeting the strangers you're shagging fit in with baking and reading and being a happy mummy?

You surely have to acknowledge that none of this is good for your children. That would be a start to putting it right.

Thankyou my kids are honestly fine I only have supervised visitation with my youngest and my eldest I have a max of 2 nights a week and her dad is heavily involved. I'm not 100% sure what she means by being more stable i think clear from alcohol and drugs and not suicidal as i know from the past a lot of mh services will not help people who are using or are high risk. I think she knows i am taking steps to improve things and doesn't want opening up old wounds to take me back to where I was

Would you be able to regain unsupervised contact with your youngest if you sobered up?

Im sure your girls want to see their mum more often

That's the plan iv only recently been put on supervised contact with her which is why I'm quitting drinking because I want my little girl back

I'm not sure why people are being mean about how op sleeps it's not for me but I don't think it's particularly abnormal!

Thankyou iv been really surprised how people sleep its been a real eye opener

the pill is not enough as you have found out recently

it doesnt stop stis seriously long term illnesss

Ok that’s a fantastic start. Do you feel better for it?

what about this guy. Why have you let him stay a week with you? Why did he want to, what’s his own living situation? You don’t even care for him. So can you attempt to only see him on your terms?

How about STDs?

You might not get pregnant but that isn't the only concern

So he's been there all week and you have your eldest up to two nights? Has he stayed over while she has been with you?

I don't particularly feel better yet but I'm still withdrawing so it's hard but im having daily contact with wearewithyou (alchol and drug services) and weekly contact with gp . He flat shares so he does have his own place. I don't mind people staying over as I hate to be alone and feel safer with someone here especially when the girls aren't here it's also a good distraction.

Yeah they've met she's fine with him but he's only here at night and in the morning when she's here not in the day

I can't physically make someone wear a condom if he doesn't want to thats his choice

But you can decline sex.

Do you understand why that would be difficult for a child, to have a strange man in the house, in her mothers bed, and potentially even hear sex noises.

when you have your child with you do you not feel it would be better to be just the two of you spending quality time?

No, you can't. However, you can refuse to have sex with them.

Having a strange man sleeping in your bed while your daughter is there might feel like "stability" for you, but that isn't how it's going to look to anyone who is professionally involved in your situation.

I know it's hard when you've had such a difficult start, but for your children's sake, if not for your own, get sober, stay single and try to engage fully with social services. You're still young - there's loads of time to have sex with people, though you might not want to be quite so undiscerning if you can work a bit on your self esteem.

No, it's your choice. If he refuses to wear a condom, you shouldn't have sex with him. It's for your own protection. When I was single, I never had sex with a man who wouldn't wear a condom. Just tell him that this is your bottom line.

And please don't invite men to your house when your child is there. It isn't good for her. Even if you think she doesn't understand, I guarantee that she knows far more than you believe.

And with the door open for the landing light to shine through….

She doesn't hear us having sex im very mindful when she's here and when she's here we always wait until she's asleep. We do spend quality time together but I don't see how it matters what I'm doing when she's asleep

Only if you've got small children.