To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

Yes, but you're totally missing the point.

A sleepless night due to something in your environment disturbing you - even several sleepless nights for that reason - is very different to being tortured through sleep deprivation caused by horrifically loud sound and light blasted at you for hours and hours on end.

To say otherwise like equating a bad cold with lung cancer.

It's the lack of sleep that is the torture though.

It's literally been a week he'll survive

Well, so there are two things here.

There's sensory torture, or the torture of however a torturer is depriving a victim of sleep. That is torture within itself.

Then there's sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation as torture isn't from a handful of bad nights.
Sleep deprivation becomes torture when it's consistent over a prolonged period of time. There have been studies about this...Severe sleep deprivation means that a person's can no longer tell the real from the unreal. Hallucinations and other awful effects come into play. This will be made a million times worse by sensory (visual, auditory or pain) torture- such as unimaginable loud music played for hours and hours on end. Psychological torture too - deliberately messing with a person's mind.

The vast majority of people, thankfully, won't ever experience anything like that. Even parents with unsettled newborns will generally manage short snatches of sleep here and there. When they don't, then yes, distressing psychological symptoms can start to appear and that's when medical intervention should kick in.

But sleeping with a hall or landing light on? A fan to keep cool? Background TV to fall asleep to?

Really, seriously, absolutely not comparable to torture.

If it look like a duck
walks like a duck
and quacks like a duck

it probably is

What ??

They're referring to sleep deprivation

So he's moved in then? If he's been at yours every night for a week, a guy you like bit barely know.

He's not moved in he's just stayed for the week he doesn't live here 🙄

Here we go again

op sort yourself before jumping into bed with random men and not using protection

Ty that confused me doesn't take much 🤣

That's great op but your kids deserve more.

You love them more than booze. You need to stop drinking entirely.

You love them more than sex. You need to stop inviting basically strangers back to your house. You don't know they won't attack you whilst your kids lie in bed petrified of what they can hear. Or wait until you're asleep to molested your kids. Or get nasty when you have enough and smash up your house. And yes, your 10 yo knows men aren't coming over to "sleep over". He knows you're having sex with them.

He's been living there for the last week. You don't even know him properly. THIS is why people are questioning your ability to protect your kids. You've had some bloke moved in for the last week because you can't handle taking some time to work on yourself and give up sex for a few months.

Last time I quit drinking I was hospitalised for withdrawals its unsafe to to quit drinking cold turkey which is why I'm under alcohol and drug services and am doing it properly but it doesn't happen overnight. My 10 year old is a she not a he and I would never let anything happen to my children in my care.

Bloody hell, this has taken a turn.

There are too many posts on MN in which children are clearly being damaged by their parents, yet nobody can do anything about it. It's a shame nobody can step in - people admit on here to all kinds of truly shocking things with regard to their children, yet they continue to get away with it.

I am not without sympathy, OP, but if you would "die" for your children, can't you at least give up shagging random men for a bit?

It is so sad to read this post. You've started to cut down on drinking? How much are you still drinking? You haven't been arrested in ages? How many times have you been arrested? For what? And how long is "ages"? Ten years? Two weeks? The recent 136 was just a few weeks ago, wasn't it?

Obviously, you don't need to answer these questions. But your post doesn't sound to me like someone who is doing well. It sounds as though you are in crisis. The last thing in the world you need is to get involved with another man.

Yes, little children do. Not adults.

That's usually for the sake of children in the house, I'm sure.

My children are not being damaged they both have good dads who are their primary carers when I do get to see them we spend time together play, bake, go to the park, read books ect all they want is a happy mummy and that is what they see.

Have you had any help specifically for your trauma @Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy ?

I'm on a waiting list but my cpn says I need to be more stable first so where working on that at the minute

Just seen more of your posts.
Sorry you went through that.

I like the dark and window open. I do like background noise like a fan so I wear acoustic sheep headphones and usually play white noise over them

You sound like my cpn and psychiatrist they always say how self aware I am I think its a bpd thing you know right from wrong but something takes over