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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think we should PTS our dog now but my family doesn’t agree with me

171 replies

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 09:44

My dog is terminally ill with cancer and I am watching him die very slowly, getting sicker and sicker. I feel so uncomfortable watching him lose his enthusiasm for life and basically just becoming more insular and less engaged. Whilst this is to be expected, I don’t want it to continue - I don’t think it’s right to keep him alive as he’s ‘not that sick yet’ and is still eating, drinking and (slowly) walking.

My dog was a very very silly, playful, noisy, fun lad and now he can barely even muster up much more than a few tail wags even though he clearly still loves us, he just looks so fed up. He was a big lover of toys now he’s not interested in any. He is eating a lot but he’s on high dose steroids, so this feels like it’s not true hunger. The vet assured me he is not in pain but probably just feels lethargic and rubbish.

I do not want to wait until he’s in a medical crisis to rush to a vet to PTS as that’s cruel.

My family do not agree that it’s time to let him go yet. None of us agree about PTS this week, and they are making me feel like I am finding it inconvenient to care for him. The vet says it’s up to us but obviously he’s very sick and doesn’t have long but no one knows how long.

I don’t know what to do. Do I just overrule my family and say no more? Sometimes when I approach him now it breaks my heart as I think he wants me to leave him alone. He used to be a really happy but pretty clingy dog so I already miss him. He’s not the dog he was and I feel like it’s not fair

Thanks

OP posts:
whynotthis · 24/05/2023 09:41

@LabelleLabelle look at dignipets. Our vet is coming out to us but I know a few people who have used dignipets and highly rate them and charges don’t seem too unreasonable.

MatildaTheCat · 24/05/2023 13:55

@LabelleLabelle I was convinced they getting the vet out to us was the best option but in the event it wasn’t possible. We look our old boy into the vet at lunchtime when it was very quiet. He was ok but wasn’t ok with the cannula/ shaving so she gave him a sedative and we waited- quite a while in fact until he was fast asleep. The actual procedure happened with him snoring gently with a very full belly of steak, cheese and liver treats.

It took almost an hour and I was so grateful she gave him that time to relax. I’m not at all convinced a home vet would have that capacity or patience. Just ask for a sedative if you’d dog is anxious.

Onw of the worst days ever but, oddly, not traumatic for either of us. 💕

baffledcoconut · 24/05/2023 13:59

Would the vet come to your car? A private bit of the carpark so you can be quiet but not the stress of the vets? It’s worth a call.

our vets always say ‘a week too early rather than a day too late’ it’s horribly horribly hard on the humans left behind but the ultimate gift of compassion love and kindness to the pet. You’re being so brave and so kind. Xx

LadyVictoriaSponge · 24/05/2023 14:27

I decided to have my girl PTS at the vets even though she hated the vets, reason being she was always at the vets! especially in the last year of her life she was there once or twice a month for check ups and injections, going to the vets was ‘normal’ for her, if the vet had suddenly turned up at her home I know that would have scared her as we rarely have visitors anyway, her home was her sanctuary and I didn’t want her confused or worried by the vet turning up in her safe space. She died in my arms while I was telling her ‘we’re going home in a minute’ the phrase she knew that we wouldn’t be at the vets for long, god it was only 3 weeks ago and I’m still broken.

Original poster
LabelleLabelle · 25/05/2023 18:27

Thanks for sharing your stories. I am sorry for your losses. I am broken. Ddog has gone, peacefully, and I wish I had done it sooner when he hadn’t got so sick. I have so many memories and moments to treasure, even from today but all it feels like now is that I can’t breathe and a big empty hole. I’ve been taking videos and photos of him the last few days to remember him but in all of them he looks sad and now I regret taking them as they just remind me how bad it got, and they now aren’t nice memories at all.

OP posts:
Overitallnow · 25/05/2023 18:33

@LabelleLabelle So sorry. I also put my beloved 15 year old shih tzu to sleep yesterday. Also, utterly broken. It comes in waves over you doesn't it? I too took videos and whilst they are distressing they are helping me to realise that I did the right thing in terms to letting him go.

Blossomtoes · 25/05/2023 18:40

So very sorry. This hurts so much. You did the right thing for him and you were with him to the end. He knew how much you loved him. 💐

BTMadmummy · 25/05/2023 18:42

@LabelleLabelle I’m really sorry but as you say it’s the best for your dog. That doesn’t ease your broken heart though xx

Original poster
LabelleLabelle · 25/05/2023 18:44

@Overitallnow I’m sorry, yes it’s waves. It’s overwhelming.

I’m conflicted how I feel about the PTS process it was not traumatic for my dog though just more for me. it happened so fast but also so slow.

seeing him lying there so peacefully I had this intense urge to pick him up and ran away with him and keep him forever. Coming home without him was like being punched in the stomach.

OP posts:
Startyabastard · 25/05/2023 18:44

'Better a week to early than a day too late.'
I lived by this motto when my pets were nearing their end.
Undoubtedly a very gard decision but I didn't want mine to suffer.

Mrsjayy · 25/05/2023 18:46

Oh I'm so sorry it's really hard and you will miss him forever . Take care.

RandomMess · 25/05/2023 18:50
Flowers
Justkeepingplatesspinning · 25/05/2023 18:55

I'm so sorry, thinking of you. They do leave a huge hole when they've gone. I'm glad he went peacefully and you were with him, I've been thinking about you this week and wondering how things were.

Itsanotherhreatday · 25/05/2023 19:05

I had this recently and was quite angry that the weight of the decision was firmly in my shoulders - nobody wants to be the bad guy and make those decisions.

we all have different reactions.

Original poster
LabelleLabelle · 25/05/2023 19:09

Itsanotherhreatday · 25/05/2023 19:05

I had this recently and was quite angry that the weight of the decision was firmly in my shoulders - nobody wants to be the bad guy and make those decisions.

we all have different reactions.

I’m sorry, it is hard. I realise now I was just upset and scared and not in denial about how bad he was and everyone else was in denial, it’s not their fault. I could see he was just rapidly a shadow of his former self and it was scaring me but they didn’t want to face that. Watching back videos its so obvious, but they didn’t want to see that then and I had to get them to see it.

OP posts:
Remagirl · 25/05/2023 19:20

We went through this twice in the last 2 years. My vet gave me a checklist that allowed you to assess your pet's quality of life which really helped us. Tbh we knew exactly when the day had come and you likely will. Dogs in particular will really overcompensate and tend to stifle pain or discomfort until it's too much. That was what I felt concerned about. This check is similar and might be worth a look https://www.dignipets.co.uk/quality-of-life/journeys Flowers

exhaustedlongtime · 25/05/2023 19:39

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Firstmonthfree · 25/05/2023 19:48

@LabelleLabelle you have done so well and done the best thing for your dog. It will have meant so much to him to go quietly being cuddled. Take care of yourself and in a few months remember your lovely dog in their happy days 💐

whynotthis · 25/05/2023 19:54

So sorry @LabelleLabelle, it’s really hard isn’t it? Being the right thing to do doesn’t make it any easier.

Clymene · 25/05/2023 19:59

I'm so sorry @LabelleLabelle. I hope in time your last memories are replaced by ones when he was fit and well. Please don't beat yourself up - it's difficult to balance everyone's opinions Flowers

viques · 25/05/2023 21:04

Your dog gave you unconditional love all his life. You have repaid that by doing the hardest thing you could for his sake even though it hurt you and broke your heart.

Pashazade · 25/05/2023 21:26

So sorry OP, so hard but the right decision. Hugs

baffledcoconut · 25/05/2023 21:47

I’m so sorry for your loss. That was the biggest act of kindness and selflessness. You should be proud that you made the decision for their sake. It’s incredibly hard to put others feelings ahead of your sorrow. You’re a good person.

ChrisPPancake · 25/05/2023 22:28

@LabelleLabelle I'm so sorry Flowers

i made the decision for our ddog as a teen. Years later my dad thanked me for being the one who had the guts to make the call. I still miss her and I'm way more than twice the age I was then! It was the right decision for her though and although I'm sorry she's gone it would have been selfish to keep her with us longer.

Smashedavacado · 26/05/2023 00:00

I am so sorry for your loss today. Our dear dog also had lymphoma & her illness took a similar course. In hindsight I think we got the timings just about right & hopefully in time you will too. The photos of him over the last few days may be sad but I'm sure you will have lovely ones too that help to bring back many happier memories.