I think we should PTS our dog now but my family doesn’t agree with me

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My dog is terminally ill with cancer and I am watching him die very slowly, getting sicker and sicker. I feel so uncomfortable watching him lose his enthusiasm for life and basically just becoming more insular and less engaged. Whilst this is to be expected, I don’t want it to continue - I don’t think it’s right to keep him alive as he’s ‘not that sick yet’ and is still eating, drinking and (slowly) walking.

My dog was a very very silly, playful, noisy, fun lad and now he can barely even muster up much more than a few tail wags even though he clearly still loves us, he just looks so fed up. He was a big lover of toys now he’s not interested in any. He is eating a lot but he’s on high dose steroids, so this feels like it’s not true hunger. The vet assured me he is not in pain but probably just feels lethargic and rubbish.

I do not want to wait until he’s in a medical crisis to rush to a vet to PTS as that’s cruel.

My family do not agree that it’s time to let him go yet. None of us agree about PTS this week, and they are making me feel like I am finding it inconvenient to care for him. The vet says it’s up to us but obviously he’s very sick and doesn’t have long but no one knows how long.

I don’t know what to do. Do I just overrule my family and say no more? Sometimes when I approach him now it breaks my heart as I think he wants me to leave him alone. He used to be a really happy but pretty clingy dog so I already miss him. He’s not the dog he was and I feel like it’s not fair

Thanks

I am not sure what to do with his things, I feel sick at going home and seeing all his things and him not being there.

a dog rescue charity would welcome a bed, blanket, harness etc.

I've always kept my old dogs collars and tags.

With two cats I think we left too late. One because the emergency vet felt that with treatment she might have a little longer. The other, it was such a slow decline, and she was still affectionate and liked to see me, but we shouldn't have left it that extra weekend, I let her down there.

And I do consider part of the responsibility of having them to be with them if possible, even though it breaks my heart every time. But it's better for them to be held by someone who loves them and who they feel safe with.

One of the DC has started coming round to it. I text DC earlier describing all the things that were on my mind such as moving away from me, looking quite uncomfortable and looking sad. DC then went and spent time with DDog and said they finally could now see what I can see. This is a relief in some way as they aren’t as angry at me now.

Take some fur, and in future you can always have some jewellery with it. Or paw prints

I’m in the exact same position OP. I’ve just made the call to book for Friday too. The bank holiday weekend scares me. If his tumour ruptures it’s going to be so incredibly unpleasant and he deserves better. He’s taken such a turn for the worse this week and I can’t bear to see him suffer. I think DH thinks I’m being a little premature but I read a post the other day that said “better one day too early than a day too late” and it really resonated with me. So we are going to throw him a party Thursday night with all his favourite things and people and say goodbye while he’s happy.

@whynotthis Well done. You're doing the right thing. The party on Thursday night sounds lovely.

I’m so sorry. 💔xx

That sounds like a lovely thing to do. Ddog got his little party this weekend and it really perked him up, I think this is why the DC have taken it hard as he was much bouncier. I am going to the pet shop now to see what I can find for him in terms of something special. It scares me too. Thinking of you

😘😘

With one of our oldies we spent her last few days doing literally anything she wanted, when she wanted.

Trundle outside, ok, 4am, whatever - slice of cream cake, have at it - cheeseburger, steak, chocolate biscuits... go for it.

Obviously don't make them feel any more poorly than they already are... but all the things they've wanted in life that they can't have as we know its bad for them... the time for those things is now.

If your old lad is worried by going in the vets, ask if they can do it in the boot of your car (assuming suitable car of course) or back seat as this may be less stressful for him, particularly if he likes car trips. Take him on a big blanket so they can gently wrap him up afterwards to go to the crem or so that you can take him home to sort that part out yourselves.

Finally - not aimed at you OP...

The cruel shaming talk of 'you must stay with your pet when they are PTS' is horrid and its damaging.

If you're able to stay calm and steady, and not distress your pet further, and you want to be there, then yes, be there.

However if you're losing your grip and you're deeply upset or horribly anxious, frightened etc etc, then you're very likely to make your pet more frightened and upset too.

They do not know what is going on - only YOU know.

For them, the process is no different to going to the vets and being anaesthetised - a process next to NO owner is ever present for, nor is any owner expected to be, nor are owners berated and shamed for not being there for that.

If it's not cruel to let the vet put your dog under a GA for an op without you there, then it is not cruel to let them euthanise your dog without you there.

This horrible shaming shit actively puts people OFF euthanising their pet at the right time because they can't face it and they fear asking for help or asking for someone else to be there, and that means animals suffering long past when they should have been let go!

I was told “better a day too early than a day too late”. PTS is the kinder thing to do now,rather than later. yanbu.

Thank you. They definitely deserve something special. Thinking of you too.

If I could stay with my dog when they give him a GA I would but they usually don’t let you. I would also have wished to be there when he woke up from a GA although by that time they are usually groggy from pain relief so they don’t really have the awareness. I have an anxious dog and it’s my responsibility to reassure him, he trusts me. this dog won’t even let another person walk him if I am at home as he doesn’t like to be away from me.

Taking him in anywhere and having anything done, he tries to climb up my body into my arms to be close to me and feel safe. It took him a long time to feel comfortable with the dog groomer so I could leave him there, not all dogs are confident bouncy and super trusting. Some feel real scared anxiety when you leave them and they can’t see you, and feel completely terrified. That is my dog, and that is why it makes me feel sick to think of me not being there with him as the person he trusts most in the whole world, and have him feel any more terror than is necessary. My vet doesn’t do home euthanasia and when I got a quote it was hundreds of £££.

I do understand that for some humans it’s too much but I also am able to prioritise his needs above my own, that’s just me. Do I want to watch my dog pass away? Fuck no. Do I want to always be haunted thinking about how scared he was I wasn’t there? No.

For anyone who is afraid of being there, perhaps it’s good to talk about how this is important for your dog to know you are with them, and it might make people feel better about going in for the procedure? if you have a fairly confident dog who is not too fazed about the vets then I can see why this option might be less stressful for you or them but I have a highly anxious dog and that’s something to consider perhaps. The idea they might have to pin my dog down fills me with dread, if I am there he will let me hold him. I’ve seen a vet pin him down, the last one I saw was examining him and she was not very gentle.

i nursed my xxdads old dog with cancer,he plodded about was happy,ate a lot on steriods,on the morning he died he ran accross the living room to pinch my little dogs food,then later that morning he had a stroke,it was time then to pts,it sounds like yours is ready to go,its hard but you have to think of them

I had to make the decision for my old Lab when she was 14. She was very laboured in her movement, couldn’t hold her bowels anymore (would regularly poo in the house or as soon as we got downstairs as she couldn’t even wait long enough for us to get from the stairs to open the door) and lost weight.

She was happy enough in herself and still full of love but she was just existing, it wasn’t a quality of life I wanted to continue. The vet offered to do tests on her before PTS but at her age, I didn’t want to put her through anymore. It broke me thinking that perhaps she could’ve been treated for something but realistically, she didn’t have long.

I went into the room with her, gave her all of the cuddles and she gave me a big lick just before they gave her the sedative (this was 2019 and I’m welling up now recalling it, damn dogs coming into our lives but never for long enough!) which I took for comfort to me, that was her saying goodbye. I stayed with her for ages just holding her paw and telling her how much I loved her.

You could never be unreasonable for putting your dog first. If we could have our way, we’d keep them forever but they have to have some dignity as they can’t physically tell you of their pain. Sending you so many hugs for when the time comes, you’re absolutely doing the right thing.

I think making the decision is the hardest part. Enjoy these few days, you’ll treasure them one day. And know you absolutely have made the right decision.

I don’t know, I now am worrying it’s still too many days away. He's not too steady on his legs and he doesn’t want to come sit with me. I’ve sat in a room with him all evening he hasn’t come sat with me once. I’m dragging my mattress onto the floor so he can sleep on the bed tonight but he might even just sleep away from me. This totally fucking sucks as all I want to do is snuggle with him like we used to.

YANBU! This literally makes me feel uncomfortable. You are a good owner and know him best. Screw family opinions, I don't know why people want to drag out death. It always happens with humans too, mostly because there is no legal way to end it peacefully. Life just for the point of life. But not being able to engage, enjoy or experience any of it. I find that insane.

I, well the family, had an incredible white German Shepherd named Gandalf. I was fortunate to have him in my life until I was nearly 13 years old. His hips failed, he was in pain just getting up and he had a small ulcer on his leg that never healed. His body was failing him and he wasn't the same, he didn't find joy in what he used to. We all loved him but my Dad decided to get him put to sleep (and was with him).

Just be with your dog at the time. Please don't draw it out or make him suffer.

See how tonight goes and bring it forward if you need to.

It's such a painful and responsible decision to make.

You don’t have to wait till Friday - if you feel like he’s suffering you can move the appointment.

ask the vet to sedate him before the last injection - some dogs don’t go easily even if they are ready and sedation will make it easier for him to drift off to sleep. I’m so sorry you’re making all these decisions by yourself op

I am so sorry about your dog, it's just awful to see them fade in front of you and to feel helpless.
I work in the veterinary sector and will give the advice "better a day too early than a day too late"
I have also learned over the years the value of having control over the "put to sleep" situation, having it exactly how you want it.

-where it is (home visit or at clinic)
-who is there
-which veterinary staff are present

• asking for pre-appointment tablets like gabapentin to calm them gently

-sedation if needed

Some of my patients were left too long for the wrong right reasons and ended up at an unfamiliar emergency clinic in the middle of the night with a vet they never met. With my own pets..I look back and remember an old girl where I got it spot on.. at home, calm, eating tuna in a sun patch... even though my husband thought it was too soon.

There are lots of mobile vets who offer a specialised home euthanasia service now.

This is the last kind thing we can do for them.

If you Google something like "home visit euthanasia vet" you may be able to find someone who only offers this service.

It can be cheaper than a home visit from a "normal vet" as they more flexible given this it their set up and not having to leave a practice?

Dh and I had to PTS our dog and she was how you describe your dog. We couldn't wait till she was sicker as that would've been awful to watch.

You have to do what’s best for the dog. Sounds like it’s time. ❤️

When I had one of my dogs pts had you not known there was something wrong you wouldn’t have suspected and outsiders didn’t because she was so happy and full of life. I am a strong believer that its better to euthanise a day too early before suffering occurs than a day to late to relieve suffering that has already occurred where possible.

Your family are keeping him going for their benefit not his. I would have given him a good week of being spoiled following terminal diagnosis and then euthanised before it even got close to this stage.

I tried to ask a home visiting vet I got quoted many hundreds of £££ for a visit. I am kind of rural which doesn’t help. I am with the biggest vet in the nearest town but they are short staffed so we are having to go there. He does like the vet lady I think but he doesn’t like going to the vets, although I suspect he’s not going to put up a fight, he’s so tired. I pulled my mattress onto the floor and he slept next to it most of the night, but did get in when I asked him, we had a mini snuggle this morning. He was happy to have his breakfast this morning now he’s on his bed. He’s not really up for a party anymore I don’t think. I’m not going to ask too much of him anymore