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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think we should PTS our dog now but my family doesn’t agree with me

171 replies

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 09:44

My dog is terminally ill with cancer and I am watching him die very slowly, getting sicker and sicker. I feel so uncomfortable watching him lose his enthusiasm for life and basically just becoming more insular and less engaged. Whilst this is to be expected, I don’t want it to continue - I don’t think it’s right to keep him alive as he’s ‘not that sick yet’ and is still eating, drinking and (slowly) walking.

My dog was a very very silly, playful, noisy, fun lad and now he can barely even muster up much more than a few tail wags even though he clearly still loves us, he just looks so fed up. He was a big lover of toys now he’s not interested in any. He is eating a lot but he’s on high dose steroids, so this feels like it’s not true hunger. The vet assured me he is not in pain but probably just feels lethargic and rubbish.

I do not want to wait until he’s in a medical crisis to rush to a vet to PTS as that’s cruel.

My family do not agree that it’s time to let him go yet. None of us agree about PTS this week, and they are making me feel like I am finding it inconvenient to care for him. The vet says it’s up to us but obviously he’s very sick and doesn’t have long but no one knows how long.

I don’t know what to do. Do I just overrule my family and say no more? Sometimes when I approach him now it breaks my heart as I think he wants me to leave him alone. He used to be a really happy but pretty clingy dog so I already miss him. He’s not the dog he was and I feel like it’s not fair

Thanks

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 23/05/2023 11:43

Better a week too early than a week too late.

This.

we’ve been there recently and adult children have had a long attachment to the pet but don’t necessarily have the emotional intelligence to put the needs of the dog first.

It’s also worth considering that if your dog declines suddenly overnight or over the weekend it can be a nightmare trying to get emergency support. I could not, absolutely not, get a mobile vet out despite it being a weekday. We ended up at our regular vet and she was kindness itself and it was as gentle an ending as could be possible. Upsetting beyond belief but I rushed and a person he knew and liked.

A friend ended up on a Sunday, Mike’s from home with a total stranger and a terrified dog. Completely traumatising.

Will be thinking of you.

MatildaTheCat · 23/05/2023 11:44

unrushed

AngelinaFibres · 23/05/2023 11:46

My vet said 'when a dog can no longer be a dog it's time to let them go'. They want to run and sniff and be a dog. Being in pain and incontinent and totally rickety is no fun. Our last dog died a month before my father. We had the dog PTS. He had a beautiful, calm ,dignified death. I would have wished the same for my father.

NoSquirrels · 23/05/2023 11:53

You’re still the ultimate grown-up in this scenario, and you make the decision, OP.

If necessary, tell a white lie that the vet advises it is now time, even if she’s still wishy-washy.

You know your dog and you know it is time.

NoSquirrels · 23/05/2023 11:57

I’m not at all unsympathetic to your adult DC, btw. I was luckily not living at home when my childhood dog was put to sleep, and if I had been I probably couldn’t have made the right choice for her. I was 22. She was my absolute heart and I still find myself tearing up at the thought, decades later. I’m glad my parents made that decision not me. Take the responsibility off them.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 23/05/2023 11:57

It's the bravest thing to let your pet go when they're ill, and shows them the ultimate dignity and love. Maybe agree with your family to spend a week or two spoiling him rotten but at the end they have to let go and allow him to go peacefully before he starts experiencing pain.

BTMadmummy · 23/05/2023 12:03

I feel so upset for you reading this.

My daughter did work experience in a vets. The one thing she said was a lot of owners didn't stay when their pet was being PTS, but the poor animal sensed and keep looking for their owner.

I would advise you to stay with your much loved dog while he passes on xx

Original poster

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 12:36

OMG I could never leave him when he was being PTS. I heard about this and it made me feel sick at the thought. I do understand the human part of this

It’s keeping me up all night so we are all stressed

OP posts:

Clymene · 23/05/2023 12:45

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 11:29

It’s my children who don’t agree. They are adults and we all live together

Honestly I'd tell them they're being unkind and selfish. And really childish actually. A part of being a responsible pet owner is advocating for your pet and not causing them unnecessary suffering.

penniesmakeshillingsandshillingsmakepounds · 23/05/2023 12:47

Let him go. Make the decision that is right for him and take the flak from the kids. The dog needs to go.

Deadringer · 23/05/2023 12:51

Make the decision. If possible get the vet to come to your house, give dog a lovely last day with everyone in the family if you can. It's very sad but as pp say you are doing what is best for the dog.

KStockHERO · 23/05/2023 13:10

Sorry, OP, but your adult children are being selfish dicks.

When you mentioned your DC earlier on, I thought you meant actual children not fully grown adults.

Whose actual dog is it? By that I mean did you get the dog for someone in the family in particular? If not, who does/did most the care? Who knows the dog best?

It sounds heartless but there's an argument for saying "I've made this decision about my dog, as the person who knows him best".

There's a special place in hell reserved for absolute fuck cunts who don't stay with their dog at the end.

Original poster

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 13:17

I do all the care obviously lol so I am the one worn out by stress of seeing him this way. I’ve not been sleeping well. Who wants to see their lovely dog baby struggling every day and night. He’s also awake a lot at night in discomfort so I am constantly checking on him.

Vet agrees with me so I have told them the plan. Thanks for your support and empowering me, I know I need to do it, I just felt really torn having them be angry. I know that they are just not really wanting to accept it. I now just have to pick the day this week when vet is working and make arrangements. I might wash his bed cover tonight to make it all nice and clean for him then take it with me will they let him lie on it? They don’t do house calls and when I got a quote from another company it was extortionate. I am crying in the toilets at work. I am heart broken

OP posts:

Iamclearlyamug · 23/05/2023 13:20

YANBU, you are doing the right thing. Please ignore your family and don't let him suffer any more. Hugs - it's such a hard decision but it's the last kindness we can do for them

carly2803 · 23/05/2023 13:21

I agree with you OP, it is his time.

Book the appointment - vets do at home euthanasia too if you look into this? If its what you want

It is time to send him on his final journey

LaLoba · 23/05/2023 13:24

You’ve made the right decision for him OP. I’m so sorry, it’s so hard, dogs really do have a special connection to us. Wishing you all the strength you need.

Mrsjayy · 23/05/2023 13:25

Yes they will let him lie on his bed, I'm so very sorry your family will just have to accept that it's best for him.

maranella · 23/05/2023 13:26

He's your dog OP - so you get to make this final, agonising decision.

If, in your opinion, it's time, then it's time.

My DB kept his elderly dog alive far longer than he should have, because SIL kept telling him that their DC would be devastated if he had her PTS. So she was forced to endure weeks of incontinence, slipping around the floor in her own urine, collapsing on the floor when her legs could no longer hold her weight - it was awful. Please do the right thing

viques · 23/05/2023 13:26

Take photos of him today. Print them out. Find photos of him from a year ago. Print them out. Show them to your family.

I still feel guilty about one of my cats because I kidded myself that he was ill but fine. It wasn’t until I actually compared the last pictures I took of him to pictures from before he was poorly that I realised the deterioration, it happens slowly and we adjust to it.

KStockHERO · 23/05/2023 13:29

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 13:17

You should communicate this to your family. That you're the one who's done most of the care over the years, you know the dog best, you're losing sleep over his current situation. And, so, you've made the decision.

It's a horrible situation to be in, OP. But you need to put the dog's needs above everyone else's right now.

Your adult children might be a bit angry at you for a while. But, let's face it, they won't go NC, it won't irreparably damage your relationship. So its ffne.

I, personally, wouldn't wash the bed. It might stink and look grim to you but it'll smell like home for your dog, let him revel in it in his final moments

viques · 23/05/2023 13:32

Just spotted your update OP. Well done for making the decision your dear old lad deserves.

In my experience vets are kindness itself towards both the animal and the owners when it comes to it and they are used to tears, last strokes and hugs, little stories and reminiscences. By all means take his bedding with you.

FooFighter99 · 23/05/2023 13:33

I wish we'd had our last dog PTS.

He was 10.5 and had been diagnosed with osteosarcoma (had secondaries all through his chest, bless him). The vet sent him home with pain meds etc and told us he didn't have long (why they even woke him from sedation is beyond me, I'm still upset about it!!)

We spent a week forcing meds down him, watching him decline and being miserable.

I came downstairs to find him dead on the living room floor, with obvious signs he'd been trying to get outside and had been in distress through the night.

To say it was traumatic is an understatement.

Do your dog a favour and have him PTS before he reaches the stage my beloved boy did I can never unsee him lying there, stiff and cold.

Nor can I forget the mess it left, because death is messy.

CornedBeef451 · 23/05/2023 13:35

I think you have to be the one to make the best decision for your dog.

My friend kept her dogs for way too long. They were barely mobile and incontinent and looked miserable but she just wasn't ready to let them go. I was so relieved for them when she finally made the decision.

Pashazade · 23/05/2023 13:45

Oh OP you've made the right decision. Big hugs for you. xx

SpringGreensPreens · 23/05/2023 14:04

This is so sad, and you’re right. It’s pet owners’ responsibility to take these tough decisions. Quality over quantity should prevail in these circumstances. 💐

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