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Original poster

I think we should PTS our dog now but my family doesn’t agree with me

171 replies

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 09:44

My dog is terminally ill with cancer and I am watching him die very slowly, getting sicker and sicker. I feel so uncomfortable watching him lose his enthusiasm for life and basically just becoming more insular and less engaged. Whilst this is to be expected, I don’t want it to continue - I don’t think it’s right to keep him alive as he’s ‘not that sick yet’ and is still eating, drinking and (slowly) walking.

My dog was a very very silly, playful, noisy, fun lad and now he can barely even muster up much more than a few tail wags even though he clearly still loves us, he just looks so fed up. He was a big lover of toys now he’s not interested in any. He is eating a lot but he’s on high dose steroids, so this feels like it’s not true hunger. The vet assured me he is not in pain but probably just feels lethargic and rubbish.

I do not want to wait until he’s in a medical crisis to rush to a vet to PTS as that’s cruel.

My family do not agree that it’s time to let him go yet. None of us agree about PTS this week, and they are making me feel like I am finding it inconvenient to care for him. The vet says it’s up to us but obviously he’s very sick and doesn’t have long but no one knows how long.

I don’t know what to do. Do I just overrule my family and say no more? Sometimes when I approach him now it breaks my heart as I think he wants me to leave him alone. He used to be a really happy but pretty clingy dog so I already miss him. He’s not the dog he was and I feel like it’s not fair

Thanks

OP posts:
veryleafytrees · 23/05/2023 14:07

YANBU op.

So many people wait until their dog cannot eat, get up, or walk.
I always encourage people to think about what the quality of their dog's day to day life is, beyond them being loved by their family.
If they have lost the enjoyment for life, or have progressively more bad days than good days, then they have possibly lost quality of life. There is actually a test you can do that gives you a quality of life score for dogs to help make these kind of decisions.

veryleafytrees · 23/05/2023 14:08

Sorry OP, just seen your update.

It sounds like you are making the right decision for the right reasons. Big hugs to you. x

Nellieinthebarn · 23/05/2023 14:14

You are right, your family is wrong. The deal is you give them a good life, and when the time comes you give them a good death before it becomes unbearable for them. Its hard, its horrible, but its the last gift you can give your friend, and he does not deserve anything less from you. To keep a suffering animal alive is the height of selfishness. And better a week too early than a day too late.

SW2002 · 23/05/2023 14:14

You know your dog and you will know deep down when he's had enough. Have the courage to tell everyone else to go fuck themselves and do what's right by him.

Frankly what we make some terminally ill humans endure is fucking sick, we have the luxury or choice on behalf of our much loved dogs. Exercise yours, he deserves that after giving you his whole life.

If they aren't seeing sense then personally I'd just book a home visit from the vets when they're all going to be out at school and work etc and just have it done. Once it's done it's done, nothing they can do about it.

HouseofGods · 23/05/2023 14:16

Hmm really hard. Our dog had cancer and we went through chemo - he did amazingly well but at the end it became very obvious. On the Saturday we managed a big(ish) walk and play round his favourite park and he seemed ok but the next day it was clear that the time had come. He was anxious and digging in the garden/kids sand pit and then just lay outside in the shade. Absolutely heartbreaking but I feel it was obvious when it was time. There's no way I could have done it even a day before as he did still have good moments.

Original poster
LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 14:18

veryleafytrees · 23/05/2023 14:07

YANBU op.

So many people wait until their dog cannot eat, get up, or walk.
I always encourage people to think about what the quality of their dog's day to day life is, beyond them being loved by their family.
If they have lost the enjoyment for life, or have progressively more bad days than good days, then they have possibly lost quality of life. There is actually a test you can do that gives you a quality of life score for dogs to help make these kind of decisions.

I’ve realised now that anyone who is not in agreement with me it’s cos they don’t spend as much time as I do

the vet explained today about dogs being people pleasers so going through the motions with you even if they don’t want to, and this made sense. He’s doing his wag tail greeting as he knows you expect him to

the only time I see him really engaged is when I get food out, and his animal instincts kick in. With me he is more relaxed and less inclined to try to please me all the time, so I see the real him? The people he sees less he is instinctually trying to please/impress. Also I know his really subtle body language and others don’t notice it, like giving the whale eye and lip licking

OP posts:
Nellieinthebarn · 23/05/2023 14:18

Just seen the update, well done, I know its the worst decision you have to make, but it really is the best thing. I wouldn't wash his bedding to be honest, I think the familiar smell will be comforting to him in the vets.

Aintshesweet · 23/05/2023 14:21

It’s because they think there is a choice and they don’t understand the impact of their refusal on the dog. They think saying no will delay the inevitable.

Take charge. Say we love the dog and that means making sure he’s not suffering. Call the vet, arrange for a home PTS visit tomorrow. All be with your dog on the sofa

FheridanSox · 23/05/2023 14:28

So with my first ever dog I left it too late. I was young, she was my first pet, the vet wasn’t great and, looking back, I feel I kept her alive at least 3 days longer than she should have. She was obviously suffering and ready to go. That was 20+ years ago and I’ve had many pets since. The last dog we pts was 13 and I just knew when he started deteriorating it wouldn’t get better. I had him pts before he got really bad because I couldn’t bear to see him suffer. We probably could have squeezed a few more weeks/months out of him but it wouldn’t have benefitted him at all.

You are doing the right thing Flowers

snakewhite · 23/05/2023 14:31

Your poor boy, I'm so sorry. It really is the hardest thing but after all they do for us I think it's the very least we can do to give them a dignified and comfortable end. You clearly love him very much and are doing the right thing. x

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 23/05/2023 14:33

Nearly every pet I have had put to sleep, after a period of reflection, I have realised that I left it too long - every time. You have made the right decision.

For our last cat my adult son was her favourite and he offered to come with me on her final journey expecting me to say no it was OK. But I said yes and he came (he was her favourite person after all.) Afterwards he was sad and said he wished he hadn't come, but I told him that if he wanted to have pets (which he did - he has his own little cat now) that this was the last thing you could do for them - and you should.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 23/05/2023 14:33

@LabelleLabelle so sorry you are facing into this. Stand firm with your family because you are 100% doing the right thing. I regret not acting sooner with a previous pet for similar reasons. It was one of those moments when you realise you have to be adult about it for the good of the animal, not the humans.

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 23/05/2023 14:34

Your family is being very selfish and not thinking about the dog. Please, do the right thing and let the poor boy be PTS. He hasn't got a very happy life.

MadeofElephantStone · 23/05/2023 14:40

You're doing the right thing. I had to make that call a few weeks ago with my elderly dog and if I'm honest, I left it longer than I should have done and feel immense guilt that I didn't put him to sleep a few weeks sooner. I have another dog and 2 cats that are all getting on a bit and won't make the same mistake twice, as sad as it is, they deserve a bit more dignity at the end of their lives.

LakeTiticaca · 23/05/2023 14:42

The kindest thing you can do is let him go peacefully. Don't let anyone else dictate to you x

Original poster
LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 14:46

I have booked it for this week

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 23/05/2023 14:46

Sorry take your family out of the thinking and do what's best for your furry friend who needs to rest now. Been at that point with several dogs over the years and you have to think would my dog choose to be here like this...love will make you choose the right decision

1984Winston · 23/05/2023 14:47

You are absolutely doing the right thing and yes take his bed they will let him lie on it, they just need his leg for the injection. Be aware he might wee/poo when he passes away though so ask for a puppy pad or towel to put under him just in case.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 23/05/2023 14:58

When our old boy was diagnosed with terminal cancer, we took him home, went for a long last walk, got the vet to come to the house and PTS pretty much straight away. We also had the disagreement about whether he was "ready". I said I didn't want to wait until he was "ready", because that meant he was suffering. Hardest thing we ever have to do for our pets, but the most important. Big hug x

Original poster
LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 14:59

1984Winston · 23/05/2023 14:47

You are absolutely doing the right thing and yes take his bed they will let him lie on it, they just need his leg for the injection. Be aware he might wee/poo when he passes away though so ask for a puppy pad or towel to put under him just in case.

He does so much poo, he’s only small I don’t know how a small dog has so much lol we always ask him how he makes so much. I don’t know if I want the bed back I just want him to have it so it’s familiar. He has lots of beds at home so I will still have some to keep. This one he uses the most
I am not sure what to do with his things, I feel sick at going home and seeing all his things and him not being there. I don’t know if I could ever get another dog after this

OP posts:
KStockHERO · 23/05/2023 14:59

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 14:46

I have booked it for this week

Well done.

I, personally, wouldn't tell your family until the evening before. For your dog's sake, you don't want the next few days to be in any way strained or angry or stressful. Let him have a really peaceful few days.

You never know, your family might come around to the idea in the next few days anyway.

Do everything you can to make his last few days as lovely as possible. That might just mean staying away from him (you've said before he doesn't want fuss ATM) and singing to him, or chatting away, or putting Radio 4 on, or getting his favourite food in.

Please prepare yourself for the vet asking you want you want them to do with your dog once he's passed away.

If you want to post some pictures of your dog or share some stories, OP, we're here for it Smile

OopsAnotherOne · 23/05/2023 15:02

You know your dog, OP. If you think he's ready to go, I'd overrule your family. My situation was very similar to yours and we did decide to have our boy PTS before he died naturally, so I'm hoping my situation might help you in your decision.

Our dog was 12.5 years old when we put him to sleep, had terminal throat cancer and lived a very happy life but deteriorated slowly at first but then rapidly towards the end. We decided to have him PTS at a time when, sure, he could probably have survived a few more weeks but it would have been just that, "surviving" and not "living".

He was lethargic but still eating and drinking, still happy to see us but slow and appeared achy. He was on painkillers but I wasn't 100% convinced he wasn't in pain. We went back and forth with the decision until one day he started to lose the use of his back legs. They would give out suddenly and he'd fall over. While this made no real difference to us in terms of care or practicalities, we could see that it terrified him. He'd never lost his back legs before, he didn't know why it was happening and we assumed it was most likely painful. It distressed him so much, he always got up and panicked, panting, looking round to see what happened etc, it was so upsetting to see. That was when we decided that it didn't matter if technically we may or may not have had a few more weeks, even months with him, he was suffering in front of our eyes and it was unkind to keep him struggling on so we could get to spend more time with him.

Because we decided on a date, it was a very calm and peaceful day. We didn't leave it too late meaning there was no sudden medical emergency which would have been a stressful panic, involving trying to get him into the car and to the vets (the place he's most scared of) with the chance that not all of us could have been there because of work etc.

Instead, we booked a time and date, we got the morning off work, because it was pre-booked the vet was able to come to the house and we all went out into the garden. My boy lay down in his bed surrounded by toys and his whole family in his favorite place in the world. He had two new very friendly buddies (the vets) who were so good with him. He slipped away as if he'd fallen asleep, like he often did in the garden on a summer afternoon. While it was heartbreaking to lose my boy, I actually remember the day fondly as it couldn't have been any better for him. We all think about that day knowing we made the right decision and he was allowed the dignified death he deserved.

Clymene · 23/05/2023 15:08

LabelleLabelle · 23/05/2023 14:46

I have booked it for this week

Oh well done. Such a hard, hard thing to do but really the final act of love and compassion. He will know you truly love him ❤️

DappledOliveGroves · 23/05/2023 15:27

I had a very similar experience with my cat and adult daughter (there's threads on here from last year about it). The situation was untenable. Our cat wasn't in such ill-health as it sounds like your poor dog is, but she was scrawny, covered in matter fur around her bum where she'd become semi-incontinent and there was poo all over our house (and I had a newborn baby at the time).

My adult DD (who lives at home) was very angry at the idea of getting the cat PTS. But ultimately we had little choice. We booked the vet to come and euthanise at our house, rather than taking her there and stressing her out.

It was sad and DD cried all day, but within a day or so she was back to normal and she got over it fine.

I think you have to just make the decision and stick to it.

spudulike1 · 23/05/2023 15:30

I feel for you so much. My Ddog is 14 today and I dread the day coming when we have to make this decision. We had a pet a couple of years ago that we kept alive a few days too long and we all regretted it so it wont happen with her.

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