Changing name and title for marriage. pros and cons?

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When I was younger I wanted to change my name to my partners name but actually, now it comes down to it I think I want to keep my name. He is upset and wants to postpone the wedding so I can think about it.

All I can think though is I have to call my bank, my dbs is in my maiden name, my passport still has 8 years on it, my Dr's, my mortgage statement has my name all the other faff.
He won't be volunteering to make these calls for me.

I just signed a slip for the school this morning and writing my signature made me think about having to write a new name? After a lifetime of this name? What are the cons?

We are working class, excouncil house, labourers, you know, all the mums stay at home and all the dads are plasterers or carpenters or builders. I'd be the first out of my whole family and friends and even acquaintances to keep my own last name if I do it. I am feeling the pressure to be honest. (I feel these factors paint a picture of the type of circle I live in and the expectations on women in my community. Yes there are still places like this)

I mean despite having the same name as my children, I can't think of a single pro. Also I Don't want to change my title to Mrs or Ms, I want to be a miss (little miss grumpy about a potential name change) is that even allowed? Will I have to change my title as well? If so why?

I haven't had strong feelings either way and was just going to go along with changing my name and title but now it's coming closer I am backtracking. DP is seeing this as a sign of cold feet (hence asking to postpone until I'm sure). To be honest it's mostly the phonecalls and online forms putting me off.

It's not like we aren't committed, we have children and a house and have lived together for over a decade.
I asked if he would change his name to mine and he said no with a confused face, so you know. That made me want to keep my name even more.

I agree wholeheartedly with this post.

I'm Ms Myname and have been since my teens. My husband kept his name and our child is Hisname-Myname. The only disadvantage so far seem is that as a long name when she was learning to use school apps she would spend half the class trying to type it in correctly! No issues when travelling. No issues with the school or doctors. I will occasionally get addressed by my daughter's surname at a club or something where they don't know me. I don't bother to correct it unless they need to know my name for some reason.

My Nan claimed she couldn't remember what my name was after marriage (er, the same one I had for the 34 years before marriage). That was just her way of objecting to me not changing my name.

Your partners attitude would really piss me off. It’s all about his ego and wanting to show the world he owns a woman. Tell him to change his name to yours. He’s lucky you even went against tradition and gave the kids his name, so if he starts claiming he cares about tradition, point out he didn’t when it came to naming the children, who traditionally should have got your name.

If you are not sure, don't change it - leave your name as it is, and get used to the idea of being married, and then see how you feel.

If you don't change your name and then decide to change it later, no big deal. You can just say to people that you wanted to wait until you had time to change all your documents over.

Whereas, if you change your name in a hurry and then regret it, well, you can't really change it back. Well, you can. But it will look a bit awkward and a lot of people will assume that your marriage is in trouble. Stupid but true.

In my family circle, almost all the women have kept their maiden names for their work - and actually all the women in my workplace have as well - all their qualifications, research papers, CPD and achievements are in that name, why would they confuse things!

I use DH's surname for things like the school, and I won't correct people who call me Turf Hisname, but I'm not paying for changing my driver licence and passport. I also kept my own name for work, and my personal email.

Shortly before the wedding I asked DH if it mattered to him. He hadn't even considered it, but didn't care what I called myself. In Ireland though you can use both names interchangably without anything needing to be official, but obviously things like making sure your passport matches your airline booking are important.

First marriage, I changed my name. On separation, I changed it back (even though DC kept it). Second marriage, I changed my name but kept my maiden name as a middle name so I am now Mrs firstname maidenname marriedname. I am not Mrs maidenname marriedname, just Mrs marriedname. When I get my PhD I'm going to lose the Mrs too!

As soon as you change your name for any reason getting a new job and probably other things becomes more complicated. Proving id of change of name really bugged me last year when I had to find my marriage certificate and decree absolute from over 40 years ago. The marriage only lasted 3 years but it never goes away! Dbs checks take longer. Thank goodness I never considered taking dp's surname, because that would be another set of documents to produce. Probably sounds like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but it's fucking annoying nonetheless.

Op, who does he think he is delaying marriage on the 'evidence' of his friends' wives 'love' for their husbands? Are you sure you want to actually be with someone with this attitude let alone marry them?

No one said it only happened if you have a different name.

It isn't a myth because it happens.

I didn’t officially change my name, but also I don’t mind if people informally call me ‘Mrs Hissurname’

If we had kids though I might have felt differently.

I changed mine as I was t especially attached to it and even my dad said it always brought bad luck!! Lol. I mainly did it as I wanted to have kids and for us all to have the same surname. I quite liked his name so was happy. We are now divorced though. I haven’t changed it back. I’ve been my married name now just as long as my maiden name and to be honest the admin puts me off. But also having a different name and being divorced can sometimes cause issues for travelling with children.

My sil/bil actually both changed their name to something different - his mother’s maiden name. There was a back story and he had nothing to do with his dad who gave him that name. But they already had kids with his original surname but they’ve managed to change those easily enough as well so they’re all the same.

Some change their name personally but for work they keep their married name.

Bit weird because as I grew up the women always took the husbands last name. That’s part of marriage and the commitment to each other. I took my husbands, no stress no over thinking. It’s just what your meant to do when you get married and it’s been that way for hundreds of years. Can’t commit to that then don’t get married. Also how do you think the kids are going to feel growing up that you don’t have the same name as them? It won’t be nice for them.

I go by my married name socially but have kept my maiden name for work and administrative purposes, so my passport and bank account are in my maiden name but our Xmas cards for example say Mr and Mrs Mars.

I honestly don’t get the whole “more of a family unit” thing. Exactly what can anyone tell about your family from your name? Some of the families I’ve met on a professional basis with the same names have some of the most horrible, toxic, violent stories, and I think we’d do well to recognise that names tell us nothing about how close that family unit is.

As far as travel is concerned, it’s tradition in some cultures for a baby to be given its father’s first name as a surname, meaning mum, dad, and baby all have different surnames - families with different surnames aren’t exactly unusual

Yes, let’s never change anything, don’t over think the morals or anything like that, just blindly follow “traditions” and we’d all be better for it (except when it comes to giving children their mothers name of course). 😵‍💫

It's what you're meant to do when you get married? ...is it??
There was absolutely bog all to do with changing your name in my wedding vows so not sure where you're getting the idea that you shouldn't get married if you don't want to take the man's name?
What a pile of nonsense!

If its so important to him to have the same names then he can change his to yours 🤷‍♀️

The wife changing her name is a Christian thing like claiming 'ownership' of the woman.

Go back to Heathen times and it was the complete opposite - the wife had the power in the relationship.

Christianity at its finest here 🙄

Don't be ridiculous, historically women became their husbands property upon marriage so regardless what was the norm for hundreds of years, norms (thankfully!) change. Up until the last century Women lost so many rights upon marriage - is that a tradition you think should be upheld too? To show how committed these women truly are to their husband? 🙄

It’s really personal choice. It doesn’t require deep thought about misogyny etc. Just pick the surname you like more or if you want to have them same as your children and they have his then pick his. I was happy to change mine. I had a bit of doubt when it came to it but no regrets. I love being Mrs So and So. His surname is nicer than mine and easier to spell. After a lifetime of having to spell my name out, I’m enjoying the ease of my new name. Just do what you want and don’t let anyone pressure you otherwise. If he’s old fashioned then I can see why he might feel hurt by your reluctance as it’s all he’s known but if he loves you, he’ll get over it

I hadn't thought too much about it until before my wedding when my parish priest who married us advised me to keep my own name as traditionally Irish women kept their own names(I'm Irish)

Changed mine. Regret it really as now having to change it back post divorce.

If the 80 in your username is a reference to the year you were born, you’re the same age as me and talking absolute shit.

I use both surnames it's easier to be Mrs ...for some things when dealing with family business and for me when travelling Iprefer Mr and Mrs .... My health matters are all in my own name as I have ongoing health issues and didn't trust the numerous health boards hospitals etc t o do the change of name efficienciently Do whatever suits YOU

The name change is a throwback to when wives were considered their husbands property.

If you don't want to change it. Don't. And challenge your partners outdated views.

It’s not ridiculous. I just explained that how was how we felt about it. I don’t mean for a second that others have to feel the same.

Err nope.

Taking your husband's name is a Christianity thing - claiming ownership of the woman - hence why 'obey' is in the vows.

Go back before Christianity and Heathens never took their husbands name - in fact they held the power in the relationship - he had to provide a home, silver, children etc and if he didn't or satisfy her in the bedroom even, she could divorce him!

Women were also equal to men with regards work and running the village too - it was whoever had the best ideas.

It was Christianity that made women inferior and took away their rights that we've have had to fight to get back.

It's actually only been that way in England for hundreds of years. In lots of countries, including Scotland, women traditionally kept their father's name until the c19th. In Spain, Iceland and Greece women still don't routinely change their names on marriage. I'm pretty sure a Quebecois friend said that women usually keep their birth names there, too.

I didn't change my name. It was mine for 30 years before I married, I'm known by it professionally, and I like it better than my husband's (it's unusual in England). My husband, quite rightly, thought it was none of his business. The DC have my surname as a middle name. I do sometimes get post as Mrs DH'sName - I just roll my eyes and get on with it.