For being annoyed at neighbour’s balls kicked/thrown into garden

[Bluewhitefloral]

Apologies in advance for the long rant but here goes!

My neighbour has three boys ranged between toddlers and teens who at every opportunity are out playing in their garden. Firstly I think this is great that they love to be out so much and hope my kids will love being outdoors as much as they do. BUT… the range of balls being booted or thrown over into our garden is sending me loopy.

I’ve had a word with their Mum before about tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up. She apologised for the balls coming over but said she doesn’t keep these sized balls in her house as they are also a hazard for her toddler (I suspect they belong to a child who comes over for playdates). She said her toddler is obsessed with throwing things over our fence which she will try and get him to stop doing, and that she always tells the boys not to kick the balls towards the house (this isn’t really the issue- it’s that they’re kicking and throwing them so hard/far/high and not caring where they land). I’ve commented that I don’t want our dogs to damage the footballs in the hope that this would put them off but no, it’s happening more and more. To the point where it is probably up to 5 balls a day.

I should note that I do always pass them back - sometimes I’ll wait a couple of days if I’m particularly pissed off about it. If the kids are out when I return them they usually always say thank you, so they’re nice polite kids.

I’m just more concerned now because my DD is due in a few months - I’m genuinely terrified that if we’re out at the same time as the neighbours that a ball will come over and hit her. They already scare my dogs if they’re out as I let them roam in and out as they please. I’m not just talking about light flyaway balls or ball pit balls (which have been squished or popped by my dogs if I don’t get there first), they are heavy Casey type footballs so can do some damage. We’ve also had over toy cars and frisbees. We’ve had damage done already to glass tea light holders and outdoor lighting due to the footballs. A Casey ball was cms away from hitting me in the stomach the other day when I was lying out trying to enjoy the nice weather (I had just returned from hospital after going in with intense stomach pains) so my nerves are gone with it!

I am trying to get myself past the noise of it all as they are just kids. But it’ll be balls getting battered against fences, balls getting lashed against basketball hoop guards, from morning till night when they are off school, and I’m talking as early as 8am to as late as 1030pm. So that makes me dread when my DD is a bit older and gets moved from the box room nursery to the back bedroom that they are going to disturb her. I am going to have to get blinds for when she arrives as currently have bi-folds which the kids can see right into my living area when they’re bouncing on the trampoline so I just need that bit of extra privacy.

Again I know this is a long rant. I don’t want to be seen as being unreasonable at all but it’s bad enough now when I don’t look forward to having a meal outside due to the noise and potential damage and disturbance of footballs coming over - I just can’t enjoy my garden :( It doesn’t bother my DH as much. I must add that the kids’ Mum is lovely - her partner works away a lot so she is raising the kids pretty much on her own whilst working so I would feel terrible constantly pulling her about this.

I would love to be that person that just doesn’t care and I know a lot of people will see me as being a grump, first world problems etc, but for me it’s just getting too much and I’m worrying myself stupid over what could happen when DD arrives.

Any thoughts on this welcome, and if nothing can be done, any advice on changing my mindset so it doesn’t bother me as much? I feel like I’m going mad and am going to turn into the witch next door! AIBU?

5 a day? Keep them. Give them to your dogs to play with. Burst them. They do it because they know you’ll just pass them back. One a day I could cope with, but 5? Nah.

Stop taking them back round, let them come and collect them. You've told them about the dogs and they're not listening, so natural consequences all the way. Don't apologise for burst/chewed balls.

Grow some trees along the fence line.

The mum might be lovely but she's not getting it, is she?

Keep their stuff and bin it.

5 balls a day? No you aren’t being unreasonable, their mother is. My parents would NEVER have let me inconvenience my neighbours like this as a child.

Keep the balls and deflate and bin them. They will soon learn which direction and height not to kick them in if they aren’t getting them back.

I’d also be sending bills for damage for anything those balls hit. You can empathise that the mother is on her own without it negating the fact her children are destructive little horrors.

Let the dogs get them.

That will be your kids in a few years so just be careful how you manage this. Theirs will be grown up while yours will be screeching round the garden kicking balls into next door. My neighbour’s sons did this and I always threw them back with a cheery wave. 5 years later they were returning the favour.

Keep the inappropriately small hard ones and bin them. The rest you can bin or return at your own l leisure.

I'm torn. Balls coming over is inevitable and like PP said it will be your kids in a few years. But that many a day is unreasonable. I would let your dogs burst them.

I grew up with a small back garden and 5 siblings and it was infrequent that we kicked balls over the fence. They can learn to be more careful.

When your baby comes you won’t be in a position to be scooting out to return the balls as they land

by all means if you happen to see one throw it back over but don’t be rushing

This, also your baby will be outside in a pram presumably ? and supervised ? Highly unlikely to be hit by a football, anyway aren't they at school during the day ?

You are being FAR too nice. Stop throwing them back. They get them back once a week. If you inconvenience them they might stop. No kicking balls at the fence and the basketball needs to stop by 9pm absolute latest. Hopefully if you keep the balls for a week the mum or oldest will pop round to ask for them back and you can explain that you are not happy.

I doubt this will be OP in a few years, letting kids whack the ball against the fence from 8am til 10:30pm and sling anything and everything constantly over is not normal behaviour. Letting your kids play and have fun is one thing, letting them do what they want all day long is another thing. OP obviously seems aware enough to know that this is not the parent she will be.

What worked for me was deflating them.. When the dm is having to pump them back up every time she will make sure they aren't coming over..
Blame ddog if necessary..

It isn't inevitable that balls will come over and my DC did get hit as a baby from a ball coming over (with a previous family a rake came over!). I was extremely angry as had already brought up the number of balls coming over. The family immediately bought badminton net netting and put it up in front of the fence so no more balls (and could hardly be seen). I actually think that parents shouldn't encourage ball games in small urban gardens, that's what the park is for (but many parents don't want to make that effort).

Don't pass anything back that comes over your fence... they will soon realise

tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up

What are they made of? Like bouncy balls?

This would all seriously piss me off!

I'd have to move purely because of thr noise but I understabd that might not be possible. The mother doesn't sound lovely, she sounds inconsiderate and selfish. 8am until half ten at night is absolutely ridiculous. You've been too nice so far and I imagine once your DD arrives things will blow up if this continues. I agree with those saying stop returning the balls and bill her for damages.

I have kids that love to play with balls in the garden. We have a neighbour with a small baby so I get mine to stop bashing the ball around from about 19:00 onwards. They can play in the garden still at that time but no shouting. Tbh I don’t want to hear the thud of balls any more by that time either! I can remember being quite strict with neighbours kids a few years back but I think it was justified - they were playing outside my house, kicking the ball against my wall and fence when they could play outside their own, and had knocked two hanging baskets down.

YANBU.

I have similar issues with my neighbours. The ball keeps coming over and whilst I understand that it’s not deliberate, it’s annoying because it disrupts my day.

It’s to the point where when I know they’re out playing with the ball I can’t settle because I know the ball is going to go over multiple times that day alone. But if you say anything you’re portrayed as the mean lady who doesn’t like kids having fun.

I don’t mind them having fun or the noise they make. Just the disruption on my peace.

If I were you, OP, I’d make a point to keep the balls. Let your dogs play with them. I’d bag up all the little balls and hand them to her and demand she finds out where they’re coming from because I’d be furious with that and the risk it poses to your dogs. Sounds like she just lets her kids get on with it with minimal supervision.

As far as it being inevitable- it’s not. That’s a lie parents tell themselves to abdicate responsibility for teaching their children to not do something or be careful when playing. The ball can only go over if they kick it high enough. Teach them to keep it lower. Or get some netting. Or heaven forbid take them to a park. If they play basketball, you can buy netting and put it around the parameter.

8AM until half ten isn’t reasonable. No doubt it’s noisy too. Her refusal to do anything is telling. She must know it’s annoying.

Ask her to buy those stop ball nets

Don’t keep giving them back. Let them come round and ask for them.

Sorry but maybe op wont be like this! My family always said it goes over twice thats it, no more.
i always hD to wait for the balls to come back, sometimes on the night, sometimes a day or two later.
no you’ve been nice, the stuff gets dumped

If the toddler is able to throw stuff over the fence, is it quite a small fence? Could you get a trellis to make it higher? I think you’re being too nice throwing 5 balls a day back. My sons football sometimes goes next door and I feel awful about it when it does even though they’re lovely! It’s usually about once a fortnight it happens- I would be horrified at 5 a day! I’d make him come inside if that was happening. She needs to take them to a park to kick the balls if they’re booting them that hard.

Blimey, I feel guilty if my son kicks his football over once a week

I would be inclined to go round nicely and explain your fears. Ask them to get the lighter balls and maybe suggest the badminton type nets.
i was walking holding my new born and some lads kicked a heavy football which hit me in the face, I got knocked off my feet and ended yo on the floor. Luckily it didn’t hurt the baby but I was in agony. Heavy leather footballs are for my much bigger spaces than back gardens.