Aibu to take sick leave?

[Fedup0815]

Would people judge me if I were to take sick leave (my employer has a generous package) in these circumstances? Or should I try to carry on working?

I have a child who was admitted to hospital about 10 days ago. We may be in months, I have to be here more or less round the clock. I can technically work remotely but I am so worried, tired and stressed that I am not with it, started making loads of mistakes (which can be fixed, I am not a neurosurgeon). Not to mention all the disruptions when nursers, doctors, therapists etc come and need to check it discuss things. I haven't slept properly since we landed here. I am totally run down. I have no support, and noone who can help out. Work said ok to work remotely out of the hospital for now but it's not working. A few people asked me why I don't get signed off but some friends said it would be a really shitty thing to do and it's not my employer's problem if I cannot sort childcare.

Would you judge someone going off sick? I work in a small team and me being off will impact the others (and I guess summer annual leave will be cancelled in part for my colleagues too).

For context, I have been here 10 years and only one sick leave (after major surgery) so I am not someone who stays at home for every sniffle.

I am just losing the plot as to what is sensible, reasonable and what isn't. And yes, I do care what people think about me too. Probs a little too much.

Yanbu - go off sick
yabu - keep working

Take sick leave absolutely. As a manager with a team member a similar position I would much rather they take the sick leave than to have an unreliable and distracted employee. I would rather pick up the slack than deal with the fall out of them doing a poor job.

Sorry that you are going through this, but you are not sick, so shouldn't take sick leave.

You could use your annual leave, or make an application for special leave, which will probably be unpaid, unless your employer is unusually generous.

Also, if this situation is likely to go beyond the short term, your employer should be looking to see how your work can be covered without impacting your colleagues. Too many employers just expect other employees to cover when others are off for whatever reason, when they're already beyond capacity before trying to absorb the work of an absent colleague.

The problem is though, you're not sick, your child is, you probably won't qualify.

I don't think you should be trying to work under the circumstances, but unless you're actually sick, I don't think that sick leave is the solution either. I mean, I get that you're tired and stressed, but that sounds more like a natural, normal response to the difficult situation that you're in rather than being mentally unwell.

If you were on my team, I would certainly be encouraging you to take time out, but I would be looking at compassionate leave for a period and or parental leave etc.

I think a GP would probably sign you off with stress (and sorry to hear about your child - is sounds really upsetting)

Most companies only have limited compassionate leave, and parental leave is generally unpaid. Depending on finances that might not be an option for OP.

If her GP is willing to sign her off (which she will need for any length of time) then she is fine to take sick leave.

Being off might impact the others, but messing up because you are exhausted will impact them a lot more!

Of course take the sick leave to start.

Can't a friend come and stay with your child for an afternoon and you can go home, sleep and shower?

Then you should ask your employer about making adjustments, it's not sustainable.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves that makes total sense but I wouldn't be able to afford parental leave for example as it's unpaid :(

But my gut tells me that this would be the decent thing to do rather than milking the sickness pay system. You are right, I am not ill.

Being stressed because your child may be in hospital for months having treatment is a valid reason.

If this could go on for months, I think you need to talk to your employer and ask them what the best course of action is. You can only get signed up for up to 26 weeks, and it could impact your employment record at some point.

Is it even realistic to try and carry on working with all of this?

Talk to your doctor OP. You will need their sign off anyway, and they are much better at determining what qualifies as sickness than MN.

Sick leave may not be paid more than SSP either, so that isn't necessarily going to help from a financial perspective.

And yes, compassionate leave will not be unlimited, but I do have discretion about how much I give and would be looking at that in the short term. For a longstanding employee in difficult circumstances, this would be the most obvious option as far as I'm concerned.

We don't know how the OP's organisation approaches long periods of sick leave, and there is the potential for it to affect her employment further down the line, so I don't think it is necessarily the best option if other choices are available.

You can get signed off with stress in situations like this.

OP says her work has a generous sickleave policy.

She should speak to her doctor, and her HR.

If you aren’t ill how would you even get signed off? If it’s ‘stress’ then your employer would obviously no it’s a lie.

OP - go and see your GP and get yourself signed off with stress. It doesn't need to be long-term, but at least give yourself some breathing space.

I was in a similar situation to you and my GP signed me off with stress. Compassionate leave only lasts for a few days and my GP was able to sign me off for 2weeks.

I couldn't afford to take unpaid leave and wasn't in a fit state to work. It's what my employers unofficially recommend in these type of situations and I'd say you are stressed and not thinking straight therefore not fit to work.

Worried, tired, stressed and not sleeping? I would certainly be having a conversation with my gp for help to get through this.

I think if you don’t go off now - sick leave it annual leave - you will have a physical and/mental breakdown.

Having a break now may end up with you off for less time, and don’t think any GP would disagree with the evidence of extreme mental stress and physical exhaustion that you are suffering now.

Your situation sounds so stressful. Get signed off with stress.

That was my first thought, you've got to sort your own stress levels out which with work pressures and home and now hospital it's all too much.
Latterly see if they allow carers leave
Or parental leave (whatever it's called in your company where you can take paid or unpaid leave off for family issues)
Good luck and hope your child is ok

I was in a similar situation and was signed off sick by my GP. Something along the lines of for stress due to family illness. I think I was signed off for 6 weeks which enabled me to be there for my son over a very difficult life changing diagnosis. It was essential and I would encourage others to do the same in my situation. I hope your child is ok xx

@TeaKitten
Stress can make ill. I have a chronic migraine now, I lost already over 1 stone and I am now underweight, I cannot eat because I am nauseous. but I get that I am not ill as such.

Thank you for your honest reply. I think that is what probably a lot of people think. It's probably best if I just carry on working. I hope I get used to it. Maybe it's just the adjustment period.

I encouraged my team member recently to go to her doctor to get signed off with stress when she was in a similar position. You are not mentally well enough to be working when you are that worries and stressed about your child. This is not about childcare

What part of the ops post suggested that she wasn't incredibly stressed?