Aibu to take sick leave?

[Fedup0815]

Would people judge me if I were to take sick leave (my employer has a generous package) in these circumstances? Or should I try to carry on working?

I have a child who was admitted to hospital about 10 days ago. We may be in months, I have to be here more or less round the clock. I can technically work remotely but I am so worried, tired and stressed that I am not with it, started making loads of mistakes (which can be fixed, I am not a neurosurgeon). Not to mention all the disruptions when nursers, doctors, therapists etc come and need to check it discuss things. I haven't slept properly since we landed here. I am totally run down. I have no support, and noone who can help out. Work said ok to work remotely out of the hospital for now but it's not working. A few people asked me why I don't get signed off but some friends said it would be a really shitty thing to do and it's not my employer's problem if I cannot sort childcare.

Would you judge someone going off sick? I work in a small team and me being off will impact the others (and I guess summer annual leave will be cancelled in part for my colleagues too).

For context, I have been here 10 years and only one sick leave (after major surgery) so I am not someone who stays at home for every sniffle.

I am just losing the plot as to what is sensible, reasonable and what isn't. And yes, I do care what people think about me too. Probs a little too much.

Yanbu - go off sick
yabu - keep working

"I am so worried, tired and stressed that I am not with it, started making loads of mistakes... I haven't slept properly since we landed here. I am totally run down."

Did you not read the op? Because the op sounds unwell to me.

Thanks Clementin. It's people like you who I am scared off and worried about.

I think it is probably best if I carry on. I only have 2 weeks annual leave left and cannot use that up so early in the year. and parental/compassionate leave is unpaid which I cannot afford. I don't want to commit benefit fraud either.

But you need parental leave even if you aren't sick, by the sounds of it you have a parental leave policy at work. If you get signed off with stress your gp will give you 2 weeks off, you can't say "well I know my child will be ill for months so I'd like you to write 4 months on my note". At least if you take parental leave you can say to work I know I will be off for x amount of time and don't have to keep worrying about trying to extend a sick note or what work think.

Don't carry on working. You're incredibly stressed, unsurprisingly, and it's impacting your work. Stress is an illness, so get signed off, concentrate on your child and have one worry eased. Your management should be comfortable with this.

parental leave is a statutory policy, not workplace specific. and I cannot afford that (but I understand that is my problem).

I already said I will carry on working. I hope you feel better.

I really think that would be the wrong thing to do. Please try and speak to your GP with a view to be signed off. It is not fraud and that is quite frankly ridiculous from PP.

If in a GP's opinion you are unfit for work due to the stress of the situation then that is perfectly acceptable.

In my organisation it would be expected that you would be off sick in these circumstances.

At my work you'd be expected to be signed off sick with stress. The managers would encourage it.

And not one employee would bat an eyelid in the circumstances.

Oh FFS I’m a GP and would absolutely expect you to need signed off in these circumstances, as I would expect any of my employees to be signed off as well. ‘Stress related to family illness’ totally describes what you are going through. For short term illnesses/injuries annual leave or parental leave is appropriate but for something life changing or life threatening then absolutely the stress of being in this situation will make you unwell.

As to getting through - if you say to
reception you need a sick line they may just sort it- otherwise I suggest sign yourself off for the first 7 days and send a letter to
GP explaining circs and asking for a sick line to be emailed to you (or enclose a SAE)

Best wishes for your little one.

@Fedup0815 have a look online if your surgery have an email address. Mine give an email address so that if you need a sick note you can contact them to request.
The surgery I work at have the receptionist take a note that it’s for a sick note and task the Duty Doctor the request. The Drs then contact the patients themselves, so not an appointment booked as such.

Honestly, no dr would have a problem issuing a sick note in your circumstances and it would NOT be fraud, regardless of what the unsympathetic pp are saying on here.

(The FFS was aimed at the unsympathetic posters saying you shouldn’t be signed off not you!)

I think taking some time off compassionate leave, then sick leave would absolutely be the right thing for everyone.

I work in HR. If one of our staff were in your situation, I would recommend seeing their GP and referring to Occupational Health.

If you were looking to take sick leave to care for a child at home with chicken pox then it would be wrong to take sick leave. Your child is in hospital and this is affecting your mental health. You are therefore not fit for work.

I would expect your GP to sign you off for a few weeks at least to get yourself back on an even keel and take it form there. A lot of it will depend on your child and their recovery. It might be that you are off sick for a bit longer or that you work reduced hours/responsibilities for a while.

In the short term, working is making your mental health worse so you need to stop. You can self-certify for a week even if you can't see your GP. Longer term as your child recovers, work may be therapeutic for you but that will become clearer over time.

Be kind to yourself.

This! 100000000% this. Even just a month. Time to recuperate and form a battle plan to manage.

OP the majority of posters have advised you to take sick leave but you are responding to the minority who say don't.

Frankly, it's none of their fucking business to tell you whether you are suffering from stress.

If you feel ill, you are ill. Regardless of what has caused it. Tell your work that you need to take sick leave.

Don't let strangers on the internet put you off. They don't know you, you don't know them. Do what is best for you and your sick child.

"Even just a month" - for fuck's sake

I don't think you understand what fraud is.

What a ridiculous post.

Speak to those helping your son. They will help you sort out what you need either directly if they can or through your GP otherwise.

I hope all these people saying it's fraud and you're not sick don't ever have to face a child admitted to hospital for a signifcant period of time!

I would sign you off with this. The stress of your child's illness makes you unfit for work. When my husband was terminally ill my GP signed me off sick. You are not fit to work so it's fine.

Op, again and kindly, stop only taking notice of those discouraging this. You have managers, HR functions and GPs all saying this is fine, normal and even encouraged. All of which you ignore. But the odd whoever who have shown no expertise or knowledge on the subject say otherwise and you are ready to keeping working to the detriment of yourself, your child and your work performance. It's foolish.

I've been in a similar situation, got signed off on the basis of stress and anxiety due to family circumstances impacting ability to work.

Oh, to add, my manager was encouraging it, telling me I needed to concentrate on my child and myself.

When I was a younger, less experienced manager I was surprised by people suffering stress or physical ailments due to family situations. I had gone through bereavement myself and had just taken a couple of days off and was fine.

now I am an older, more experience and more empathetic manager, I truly understand that not all family situations, illnesses or bereavements are the same, that not all people react the same, and that any one of us can buckle under the strain. And that those are legitimate reasons to be unfit to be at work.

so, speaking as a manager, I would be half expecting a sick note from you any day now.

I would ask for Special Leave in your situation.

Have you got the NHS app? You can link that to your record and use "get advice" to do an e-consult which sends a message to the surgery.

You do sound sick. If you're so stressed you're nauseous and already underweight ... you need time off!