Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to take sick leave?

155 replies

Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 14:07

Would people judge me if I were to take sick leave (my employer has a generous package) in these circumstances? Or should I try to carry on working?

I have a child who was admitted to hospital about 10 days ago. We may be in months, I have to be here more or less round the clock. I can technically work remotely but I am so worried, tired and stressed that I am not with it, started making loads of mistakes (which can be fixed, I am not a neurosurgeon). Not to mention all the disruptions when nursers, doctors, therapists etc come and need to check it discuss things. I haven't slept properly since we landed here. I am totally run down. I have no support, and noone who can help out. Work said ok to work remotely out of the hospital for now but it's not working. A few people asked me why I don't get signed off but some friends said it would be a really shitty thing to do and it's not my employer's problem if I cannot sort childcare.

Would you judge someone going off sick? I work in a small team and me being off will impact the others (and I guess summer annual leave will be cancelled in part for my colleagues too).

For context, I have been here 10 years and only one sick leave (after major surgery) so I am not someone who stays at home for every sniffle.

I am just losing the plot as to what is sensible, reasonable and what isn't. And yes, I do care what people think about me too. Probs a little too much.

Yanbu - go off sick
yabu - keep working

OP posts:
letthemalldoone · 22/05/2023 14:29

TeaKitten · 22/05/2023 14:23

If you aren’t ill how would you even get signed off? If it’s ‘stress’ then your employer would obviously no it’s a lie.

Quite the reverse I would think! It’s a pretty stressful situation!

Absolutely speak to your GP. Am sure they would sign you off with stress!

What is wrong with some of you?!!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/05/2023 14:29

I missed the bit about a generous sickness policy. Apologies.

I still think compassionate leave is more appropriate under the circumstances, given that the OP has confirmed that she isn't sick, but obviously, it depends on how generous her employer is with stuff like that.

Companies with generous sick leave policies can often be quite proactive about how they manage sick leave, because it would be very open to abuse if they didn't. And the OP obviously doesn't want to create further problems for herself with her sickness record unless she really has no other option.

That said, if she can't afford parental leave and her company won't offer decent compassionate leave, she may have no other option.

BananaPalm · 22/05/2023 14:29

Doesn't your company have some sort of sickness leave arrangement that if your child is sick you can take sick leave as if you yourself were ill? It's completely above board and paid. Mine does have I think 12 days that you can use like this (to share between me and my DS).

Nordicrain · 22/05/2023 14:31

Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 14:28

@TeaKitten
Stress can make ill. I have a chronic migraine now, I lost already over 1 stone and I am now underweight, I cannot eat because I am nauseous. but I get that I am not ill as such.

Thank you for your honest reply. I think that is what probably a lot of people think. It's probably best if I just carry on working. I hope I get used to it. Maybe it's just the adjustment period.

OP, the majority of this thread is telling you to get signed off. And you take the odd comment about not being sick as the definitive one (and from someone who can't differentiate no from know). Why? You know it will be better for you and your child to have time off. I am telling you, as a manager of someone in a very similar boat, that if you can't work reliably and well then pre-approved and defined sick leave will be better for your team as well. Stress is a legitiamte reason to be off, doctors aren't signing people off just for fun, that's the entire point of getting a GP note, to legitimise it.

TeaKitten · 22/05/2023 14:31

Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 14:28

@TeaKitten
Stress can make ill. I have a chronic migraine now, I lost already over 1 stone and I am now underweight, I cannot eat because I am nauseous. but I get that I am not ill as such.

Thank you for your honest reply. I think that is what probably a lot of people think. It's probably best if I just carry on working. I hope I get used to it. Maybe it's just the adjustment period.

If the stress is making you sick you should get signed off - I was going off you saying you were not sick. Reading again I see you are trying to work out if it’s ‘worthy’ of sickness, if it’s making you sick then it is! Also reading others replied has changed my initial view, my employer is crap and wouldn’t view this as ok, but that doesn’t mean my employer is right or the norm. Ultimately OP you need to protect yourself in this situation. Sorry if my initial opinion has put you off, shame I can’t edit it!

HaPPy8 · 22/05/2023 14:32

Sorry you are going through this. I think being signed off with stress is entirely reasonable. I hope you child recovers well.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 22/05/2023 14:32

TeaKitten · 22/05/2023 14:23

If you aren’t ill how would you even get signed off? If it’s ‘stress’ then your employer would obviously no it’s a lie.

On the contrary, if I had an employee in OP's situation, I would be actively encouraging them to get signed off with stress.

Stress doesn't need to be work-related in order to get signed off.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/05/2023 14:34

I agree with PP - you are stressed so get your GP to sign you off. This is what happens at my workplace for this kind of situation - sick child, likewise bereavement.

Lizzt2007 · 22/05/2023 14:35

Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 14:28

@TeaKitten
Stress can make ill. I have a chronic migraine now, I lost already over 1 stone and I am now underweight, I cannot eat because I am nauseous. but I get that I am not ill as such.

Thank you for your honest reply. I think that is what probably a lot of people think. It's probably best if I just carry on working. I hope I get used to it. Maybe it's just the adjustment period.

So you're getting stress migraines, you've already lost over 1stone due to stress induced nausea and you think that's ' not actually sick as such' ? Jesus op, you absolutely are currently unwell due to stress!! It's a legitamite sickness and you absolutely should take time off!! If you break who is there for your child? You have to look after you too. Give yourself a break x

BriarHare · 22/05/2023 14:35

You should take annual or unpaid leave.

You’re not sick, and if I were your manager, I’d take a very dim view if you manipulated the system to this extent. Being in a stressful situation is not a mental health crisis.

QuickDuck · 22/05/2023 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 22/05/2023 14:38

If you think the stress of the situation is impacting your wellbeing (it would be making me ill frankly) then yes you should get signed off. That's what sick leave is for, not all illness is disease or injury. There are plenty of people on long term ill health benefits for mental health issues. Dont let it reach the point of breakdown, or you will be of no use to your employer, your child or yourself.

WallaceinAnderland · 22/05/2023 14:40

You can take sick leave for the short term so that you can look after yourself a bit better. This is obviously taking a toll on your health, so will be genuine sick leave. You can self certify for 7 days so won't even need a sick note.

philautia · 22/05/2023 14:42

But everything you have said indicates to me that you should be off sick - you're clearly stressed and not sleeping, you're making mistakes at work.

I would never think badly if someone for taking sick leave in your circumstances. No, you don't have flu, but you are stressed - that is enough to be off sick and if you explain what's happening to a doctor I believe they'd completely agree.

Hope your child is okay, I'm sorry you're all going through this.

teateateaandcake · 22/05/2023 14:45

As a manager, I would be telling you to get signed off as unfit for work because you are under tremendous amount of personal stress. When I've had similar in the teams I manage, I do as much compassionate leave as I can, then self-certify for a week, then get signed off - mainly because it then buys you time to get through to the GP while you are dealing with all the things that are going on.

You are not fit for work because of that stress, therefore getting signed off for at least a couple of weeks would be reasonable, then review how things are.

It's not just about being "sick" it's about being fit to work, which you aren't at the moment because of what's going on in your life.

Christmascracker0 · 22/05/2023 14:45

Poor you, please do talk to the GP and ask to be signed off with stress. It’s not wise to be working in your current circumstances. My mum was signed off for a few months while my aunty was dying so they do do it.

Check your company’s sick leave policy - it might be you only get full pay for a certain amount of days then default to SSP.

Freshlycutgrasss · 22/05/2023 14:46

If I was your manager I would recommend you get signed off with stress. As that is what you are - stressed. Once youve got that you would be off on sick leave until you were well enough to come back. You need to take some time to protect yourself from burnout as if you carry on like you are now, that is what will happen. Take care of yourself.

Righthandman · 22/05/2023 14:48

OP, I'm HR. If you worked in my company and you were 'tired, stressed, worried, not with it' and making uncharacteristic mistakes I would definitely encourage you to see your GP. If the GP was happy to sign you off I would have no problem with you taking the leave as sickness absence.

Longer blocks of expected absence are easier to manage teams around, rather than ad hoc trying to keep going and occasionally failing. I have known many GPs sign off many employees with 'stress' as a way to enable those employees to cope with an unexpected or arduous caring responsibility like yours.

To be honest I don't think I would have been happy with you trying to work from the hospital in the first place. No job is worth that level of stress. It may be more possible in a month or so, once treatment is settled and if you have a routine and potentially a space to work arranged with the hospital, but it's not essential.

Compassionate leave for a few days would normally be paid and might be helpful to get you to the weekend, so that you can arrange to see your GP and get organised. If your employer is willing to offer a longer stretch of compassionate leave then absolutely start with that. I'm curious how long @MrsBennetsPoorNerves would offer to her team as compassionate leave - we are generally limited to a day or two.

Best wishes to you and your DC, I hope it all works out well for you both.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/05/2023 14:48

Sick leave would presumably be stress? So yes if you can get a drs not for this it sounds fine.

Otherwise I guess would be parental leave?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/05/2023 14:49

I also thinking working from the hospital is never going to work, and I wouldn’t want that as a manager

OhwhyOY · 22/05/2023 14:50

OP if you're under enough stress you can't eat that sounds like strong grounds for sick leave to me...

Megifer · 22/05/2023 14:51

"Stress reaction" is a very common thing to see on fit notes, I've seen enough of them over the years!

You are potentially unfit to work due to stress. A couple of weeks off may well help you reset. I'd have no hesitation in your situation to do that.

Hope your DC gets better soon x

Twiglets1 · 22/05/2023 14:51

I wouldn’t be judgemental at all about a colleague or friend being signed off sick with stress in your circumstances.
My manager was signed off for months last year when her daughter had a severe eating disorder. The whole team understood & were sympathetic.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 22/05/2023 14:53

BriarHare · 22/05/2023 14:35

You should take annual or unpaid leave.

You’re not sick, and if I were your manager, I’d take a very dim view if you manipulated the system to this extent. Being in a stressful situation is not a mental health crisis.

She’s got a chronic migraine and has lost a stone in 10 days. She’s hardly fucking well
and a decent manager would understand that.

BotterMon · 22/05/2023 14:57

Talk to your manager/employer. You are not sick however these are exceptional circumstances.

As a business owner who pays SSP I paid two members of long term staff in full when they were in similar circumstances to you. Both received full pay for c.3 months. It's a two way relationship.

It doesn't make any difference to your employer if they pay you compassionate or sick leave as you have a generous sickness pay policy but it's better for you not to have a long term sick record if your employer ever has to into redundancy consultations with staff.

Swipe left for the next trending thread