Aibu to take sick leave?

[Fedup0815]

Would people judge me if I were to take sick leave (my employer has a generous package) in these circumstances? Or should I try to carry on working?

I have a child who was admitted to hospital about 10 days ago. We may be in months, I have to be here more or less round the clock. I can technically work remotely but I am so worried, tired and stressed that I am not with it, started making loads of mistakes (which can be fixed, I am not a neurosurgeon). Not to mention all the disruptions when nursers, doctors, therapists etc come and need to check it discuss things. I haven't slept properly since we landed here. I am totally run down. I have no support, and noone who can help out. Work said ok to work remotely out of the hospital for now but it's not working. A few people asked me why I don't get signed off but some friends said it would be a really shitty thing to do and it's not my employer's problem if I cannot sort childcare.

Would you judge someone going off sick? I work in a small team and me being off will impact the others (and I guess summer annual leave will be cancelled in part for my colleagues too).

For context, I have been here 10 years and only one sick leave (after major surgery) so I am not someone who stays at home for every sniffle.

I am just losing the plot as to what is sensible, reasonable and what isn't. And yes, I do care what people think about me too. Probs a little too much.

Yanbu - go off sick
yabu - keep working

Listen to this ⬆️ op

At least give yourself some breathing space for the next few weeks. No job is worth this, prioritise your health and your child.

If you can't do your job effectively (which you clearly can't) as a result of stress (which is clearly the case) then you need to take sick leave on the basis of stress.

Doing a bad job at work and burning yourself is likely to result in a far higher cost to you, your son and your company.

I'm a line manager and I would have zero qualms about the above.

You 100% need to take sick leave! Go to the doctor and they will sign you off with stress and don't give a second thought to what other people think. People that carry on are no better thought of and you need to give your daughter your time! Hope she is feeling better soon ❤️

What you should do is talk to your employer and make alternative arrangements. However, they could put you on unpaid leave (I don't know if that would be catastrophic for you).

What many people would do is keep going for a bit doing what you are doing and see how far you can push them without taking actions. Because whilst you are "working" (or trying to do something) you are still being paid. Many would only do an alternative if they were pulled up on their performance...

Not saying the latter is right, but you do have to think about implications.

Op I really hope you listen to the GP's who have posted on here, take care and hope everything works out ok

You need to take parental leave. I'm sure a doctor would write you a sick note but the reason you can't work is caring for a child, I guess you could say "stress". The reality is you just need help with childcare, you aren't unwell so why lie and take up a doctors appointment? If you had full paid parental leave you'd use that, I'm guessing you won't get paid so don't want to use it?

WTF have I just read??

Are people missing the part where Op's dc is seriously ill?? How is that not a significant amount of stress?

In the same position OP I phoned the doctor's and they signed a sick note saying stress due to family circumstances. It was only for two weeks but enabled me to get over the shock and establish a new routine.

I'd definitely say do this if you feel you need to do so.
Any IRL friends who say similar to the post above in these circumstances are not friends worth keeping.

Wow.

Point proven again.

I think you should be off sick with stress. When my DH was terminally ill, I tried to keep on working but was distracted and behind with my work. I went off sick with stress for several weeks as I could no longer cope with the demands of a job as well as being a carer for someone very sick. My manager did not dispute that that was a good reason to be off, although they were difficult about other things.

She who laughs last, laughs longest...

Either go to GP to get signed off with stress related illness - you are showing physical signs of stress, so yes it is an illness, or you can speak to your employer about reduced hours. If your employer has generous sick leave and good policies around this you might get a graduated return too after being off. These policies are the reason people work in these jobs that are more than likely very stressful, otherwise they wouldn't attract the staff.

I'm sure people who own small businesses or work for companies that don't treat their employees well will protest it isn't right, but your employer has put these policies in place to attract and keep staff and to prevent them from burning out at times like this.

This .... In a year's time... Or two year's time... Or even in TEN year's time you are NOT gonna look back and think "Damn... I wish I kept working while my little one was ill in hospital."

Your little one needs you and it's obvious that you can't cope with the current stress and burden - your extreme weight loss and migraines are physical manifestations of your stress.

If you died tomorrow your company will replace you within a month. That's harsh but it's true.

Get signed off and be with your little one. Work will be there for you when they're better.

I say this as someone who took a week off when my child was hospitalized - he was lucky and was there for just a couple of days but he needed me home for a while. I've never regretted that and my child remembers me being home with them. He needed me. Just as your little one needs you.

Feel zero guilt about work - your priority needs to be your child and your own health. You need to look after yourself so that you can look after your child.

Take care and keep breathing - you WILL get through this!

OP - does your surgery have eConsult? If so, you can request a sick note that way. I have done it today for a sick note after self certifying for 5 days. No need to see a doctor. If they don't, sign up for the NHS app and do it through there if you can.

You are sick. Stress is an illness. Your child is seriously unwell and this is causing you stress. You have lost a stone in a short period of time. You are unwell. Taking time off sick for stress/mental health is not fraud. Please listen to the majority of posters and request a sick note. Just tell the doctor your child is seriously ill in hospital and you are stressed, experiencing migraines and have lost a stone in X amount of time. They will sign you off.

Just down right bizarre post

For what it's worth, as a manager I think your situation warrants using sick leave. The fact it's having such a physical impact on you is reason enough. Sending very best wishes to you and your wee one.

Go off sick and don't think about it. Ur only a number and u can't do it all.

Ur child is ur priority. U sound anxious and stressed and that does make u not well enough for work. I would never judge someone for going off sick in ur situation.

It's not childcare ur after, what a comment for ur friend to make! Not very supportive either.

I had a friend in a similar situation but with her elderly mum. She was making herself I'll trying to do it all. I kept telling her to get a sick line. She eventually did and wished she had done it sooner.

My son was booked in for what we thought would take maybe 24 hours & I was told that as he was 15 I didn’t need to/couldn’t stay with him. On arrival it turned out that I was expected to stay. We ended up being there for 3 months during which he had life saving & life-changing surgery. All is good now but I have so much gratitude for my manager who took his phone where he couldn’t be heard & told me to go sick with stress. And I was stressed. No sleep, unbelievable worry for my child. Like the OP I had no sickness record before or after & though I had interviews with OH afterwards they completely understood.

You are sick. Not fit for work due to stress by family illness. I have took the exact same sick leave x3 due to child in hospital GP offered it! I am also never otherwise off. Not that it should matter but i have a huge work ethic. Child and your well being first x

I am blown away by some of the replies on this post and I sincerely hope some of you don't manage staff.

OP please listen to the advice from those of us that have been where you are, the GPS who have reassured you they would sign you off and the people that manage staff and agree that you need to be signed off.

Take care of you and yours first,

Absolutely get signed off. Honestly work is just not the priority in a situation like that - your GP and work colleagues will absolutely understand. I hope your little one is okay.

Take sick leave. You are stressed and exhausted the extent that it affects your ability to do your work. I don’t know what your job is but would you like if your doctor, surgeon, pilot etc was experiencing something similar and working. Cos I wouldn’t want their minds to be elsewhere..
Take care of yourself and I wish a speedy recovery for your child

I haven't read all 6 pages so someone might've made this point already but I can't get past this from the OP:

"some friends said it would be a really shitty thing to do and it's not my employer's problem if I cannot sort childcare."

I think you need some new fucking friends. if one of my friends had a child in hospital I wouldn't give a shit what kind of leave they took from work. If I thought they were doing something unreasonable to their employer I'd KEEP IT TO MYSELF.

In 10 years no one will remember how much leave you took or what type but your child will (all being well) remember you were there. If you slightly fiddle the system (which I don't think you are anyway) to keep putting dinners on the table for your family, so be it.

I'm a manager by the way.

Please look after yourself and wishing you and your family all the best.

My last employer had nursing leave, which I used when DD broke her elbow