Aibu to take sick leave?

[Fedup0815]

Would people judge me if I were to take sick leave (my employer has a generous package) in these circumstances? Or should I try to carry on working?

I have a child who was admitted to hospital about 10 days ago. We may be in months, I have to be here more or less round the clock. I can technically work remotely but I am so worried, tired and stressed that I am not with it, started making loads of mistakes (which can be fixed, I am not a neurosurgeon). Not to mention all the disruptions when nursers, doctors, therapists etc come and need to check it discuss things. I haven't slept properly since we landed here. I am totally run down. I have no support, and noone who can help out. Work said ok to work remotely out of the hospital for now but it's not working. A few people asked me why I don't get signed off but some friends said it would be a really shitty thing to do and it's not my employer's problem if I cannot sort childcare.

Would you judge someone going off sick? I work in a small team and me being off will impact the others (and I guess summer annual leave will be cancelled in part for my colleagues too).

For context, I have been here 10 years and only one sick leave (after major surgery) so I am not someone who stays at home for every sniffle.

I am just losing the plot as to what is sensible, reasonable and what isn't. And yes, I do care what people think about me too. Probs a little too much.

Yanbu - go off sick
yabu - keep working

It sounds to me as though you are unfit for work due to stress and fatigue, so I think you would be justified in being signed off to get some breathing space.
This isn’t a childcare issue, no childcare would be available for this purpose.

Of COURSE you must take sick leave!! I cannot believe people are suggesting otherwise, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they have never experienced prolonged hospital life with a child and therefore cannot possibly understand how working under such circumstances is downright dangerous, rather than them just being idiots. Having spent close on a year in hospital with my DC whilst they underwent multiple brain surgeries, stints in ICU, and then endless days just on the ward, it didn't even cross my mind to work, nor my employers. It was initially signed off as emergency care for child, but then pretty quickly it was stress. And yes, you will be feeling that stress. The ward rounds, the barrages of information, the endless procedures, the inescapable worry for your child, the trauma of witnessing your unwell child, the trauma of witnessing other people also go through the worst time of their lives, the lack of sleep, lack of rest, lack of proper nutrition, lack of time spent looking after or thinking about yourself, becoming institutionalised. It's all so, so awful, it cannot be explained to those who haven't gone through it. You are NOT a fraud. You wouldn't listen to the opinions of people who aren't experts in any other field, so don't listen to these people now. You cannot be worrying about work or colleagues when you have enough on your plate to deal with as it is - it's your manager's responsibility to deal with that side of things, not yours. Please, I really mean this, get signed off. I am so sorry you're in for the long hall. DM me if you want any tips on surviving long hospital stays, I'm so sorry for you and your child x

I went off sick in similar circumstances. The GP put down stress at home as the reason. I was off for 6 weeks

If I were you, I'd be completely honest at the meeting tomorrow.

You have been suffering with migraine.
You've lost weight.
You are nauseous.

You have been trying to work while in the hospital, but have constant interruptions and the setup is obviously not ideal (do you work on a laptop - do you have appropriate furniture to enable this safely ie adjustable chair, a desk that isn't the end of your DC's bed etc).

You have been making uncharacteristic mistakes.

You are worried about your team having to pick up the slack.

DC's doctors are predicting x amount of time minimum, and x amount of time maximum.

Will there be recuperation period? Is there another parent who can help care? Do you have other DC to care for?

Lay out the facts and explain how the situation is affecting you. A compassionate manager will be understanding and try to do what they can to make things easier for you. If your manager is not the type to be sympathetic and understanding, then at least you have laid out the issues you're facing and you then have a basis for taking sick leave.

I hope things soon turn a corner for you and your family

When I was very stressed recently I self certified for the first week and then asked the receptionist at my surgery how to get a fit note. She directed me to an online form that I completed and I got a 2 week note without even speaking to a doctor! Felt that was a little wrong tbh but that was the system.

I was in the same situation a few years ago, my son was diagnosed with a disease and my doctor signed me off with stress whilst he was in hospital and even after discharge whist I learnt to treat his condition.

It was a very stressful situation and as far as I am aware my employer and the rest of the team had nothing but concern for me. I was paid full pay for the duration.

I wouldn't hesitate in your shoes OP.

I’m a GP and I would give you a sick note. I assume your child has something pretty serious if he/she might be in hospital for several months. I know that if either of my children was so ill they had to spend months as an inpatient, then my head wouldn’t be in the right place to work.

Of course sick leave would apply. Your GP will be able to sign you off. Get a line and don't question yourself. Hope your little one is on the mend soon.

You can sign yourself off sick for a week before needing a doctors note, which might help

Not at all unreasonable to take time off but speak to your employer to find out what their position is before you make any decisions on exactly what to do.

There's a regular misconception on MN that as long as you get a GP to "sign you off" it's all fine and dandy. That's not necessarily how things work in the real world if you're hoping to be fully paid whilst off (or in employment law).

Im a GP. You sound as though you are unwell with stress to me. I would be totally happy to sign you off and have signed off lots of people in similar circumstances. I’ve also had 9 months off sick myself when my own kid got cancer and had multiple prolonged admissions and not one of mu colleagues was anything other than sympathetic. It was all triggered by my child’s illness but I genuinely felt unwell - couldn’t eat / sleep properly or concentrate and I don’t think I would have been safe at work.
If you can’t get an appointment tell the receptionist what you need and why and they can probably help you. Or see if your surgery does electronic consultations.
Dont feel guilty about this, take care of yourself and I hope your child is as okay as possible.

With an attitude like yours, I really really do hope you are not anyone's manager!!!

You stressed though and thousands of people are off work with it.see your Dr or contact surgery and explain and see if they can email one to work.
Don't feel guilty either!
I hope your dc will be fine and healthy.💐🌈

This sadly. Use all AL first, then request for unpaid special leave. If it goes on any longer, perhaps your job can be held open for you but they hire someone on a temporary basis for a certain period of time. Sick leave really is for sick people.

There's something seriously fucked up about you!!

You clearly don't know the first thing about mental health!

But she is sick- with stress! (Unless you only venti e in physical ill health?!)

That should say only believe in physical ill health…

No. You are not sick. It may be stressful but you are not so ill you cannot work, you are too busy dealing with your dependent to work.

You need to come to an agreement with your employer - probably a combination of annual leave, dependents leave and unpaid / compassionate leave. Or if this is going to be for an extended period, consider whether you can continue to work

Anyone who has been in the position of having a very poorly child in hospital, let alone one who is going to be in long term knows how stressful it is. Trying to juggle everything only further adds to that stress and that’s before adding in trying to work at the same time.

many parents end up being diagnosed with ptsd after their children have been seriously ill. Self care is vital. Mental health matters.

The thing is, this isn't really a childcare situation. I'm sure we'd all agree it's good we've moved on from the days when very sick children had to be in hospital 'alone', but the reality is that as a consequence the NHS has come to rely on parents being available to support nursing care 24/7.

@TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain do you know a childcare provider who would stay with your terribly ill child 24/7 in hospital like that? Would you be comfortable in that situation? What would it cost? I rather doubt that many parents have childcare solutions in mind for this contingency - in fact I'd be really interested to hear how it works if they do. At most I expect families might take shifts between parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles depending on circumstances and whether more than one person is available.

Also, the parent in this situation making themselves destitute by giving up their job to care for the child does not help the parent, the child, or even the employer unless it is an utterly unskilled, instantly replaceable role.

You do make a really good point though that some sort of caring leave allowance, paid, to cover situations like this or care of older family members or even ill spouses etc would be an excellent progressive step. My company is starting to move towards this and setting out what an entitlement might be, which I think is an excellent response.

Yes. She is sick. Sick with stress.

Thanks for the reply @MrsBennetsPoorNerves - that seems like a really sensible system. Our compassionate leave is paid but there is pressure to limit it to a day or two in almost all circumstances. If I could give up to a fortnight I'd definitely know of situations where it would be extremely helpful.

Oh go kick some rocks

I was signed off sick with stress when one of mine was in hospital and diagnosed with a long term condition. I didn’t need to see the GP, I signed off for 7 days and they extended it over the phone.

Are you always this stupid?!

Some of these idiotic posts just show how little understanding there still is of mental health issues.

Also, htf is someone expected to work in a hospital? That's just ludicrous, not even a proper workstation or anything. Totally contrary to any H&S advice.

@Fedup0815 I deal with situations like this professionally and I can tell you, there are people who go off ill with stress if they have a tiff with someone in work! You have to look after yourself. You know how, on a plane, you are told to put your own face mask on first, before helping anyone else? That is what you need to do. You can't sustain this. Anyone who fails to comprehend the mental drain of your situation is quite frankly a fucking moron and a waste of oxygen!

Take care x