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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to take sick leave?

155 replies

Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 14:07

Would people judge me if I were to take sick leave (my employer has a generous package) in these circumstances? Or should I try to carry on working?

I have a child who was admitted to hospital about 10 days ago. We may be in months, I have to be here more or less round the clock. I can technically work remotely but I am so worried, tired and stressed that I am not with it, started making loads of mistakes (which can be fixed, I am not a neurosurgeon). Not to mention all the disruptions when nursers, doctors, therapists etc come and need to check it discuss things. I haven't slept properly since we landed here. I am totally run down. I have no support, and noone who can help out. Work said ok to work remotely out of the hospital for now but it's not working. A few people asked me why I don't get signed off but some friends said it would be a really shitty thing to do and it's not my employer's problem if I cannot sort childcare.

Would you judge someone going off sick? I work in a small team and me being off will impact the others (and I guess summer annual leave will be cancelled in part for my colleagues too).

For context, I have been here 10 years and only one sick leave (after major surgery) so I am not someone who stays at home for every sniffle.

I am just losing the plot as to what is sensible, reasonable and what isn't. And yes, I do care what people think about me too. Probs a little too much.

Yanbu - go off sick
yabu - keep working

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 22/05/2023 14:58

BriarHare · 22/05/2023 14:35

You should take annual or unpaid leave.

You’re not sick, and if I were your manager, I’d take a very dim view if you manipulated the system to this extent. Being in a stressful situation is not a mental health crisis.

That's horrible.

The OP sounds unwell and if she isn't, she soon will be if she tries to carry on working through this.

Disco2023 · 22/05/2023 14:59

Stress, emotional burnout, anxiety over a child’s illness are absolutely valid reasons to take some time off work. Impact on ops physical health is already showing. We may get a 2/3 days of compassionate leave but not a good enough time out for @Fedup0815 to process your feelings, anxieties and so on to be able to support your child as needed.

I work on a paediatric ward and we regularly tell parents that they need to look after themselves ( in all ways) so they can support their child and deal with the situation.

@Fedup0815 may find after a week or two of getting herself together with no work pressure, juggling, stress and so on that she is able to work more effectively.

nubtheoryhhh · 22/05/2023 14:59

underneaththeash · 22/05/2023 14:13

The problem is though, you're not sick, your child is, you probably won't qualify.

She's run down due to a life stress.

So yes just do it.

Spinninggyro · 22/05/2023 15:03

Well said letthemalldoone!

Quote

Quite the reverse I would think! It’s a pretty stressful situation!

Absolutely speak to your GP. Am sure they would sign you off with stress!

What is wrong with some of you?!!

I reckon a few people on here could do with considering the word empathy!

It must be so tough, I have seen a family member go through a similar situation.

Wishing you all the best for you and your child OP.

Sapphire387 · 22/05/2023 15:03

BriarHare · 22/05/2023 14:35

You should take annual or unpaid leave.

You’re not sick, and if I were your manager, I’d take a very dim view if you manipulated the system to this extent. Being in a stressful situation is not a mental health crisis.

I really hope you don't manage any staff with an attitude like that. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Where's your humanity and compassion?

Sapphire387 · 22/05/2023 15:04

OP - absolutely see your GP and tell them what you have told us here.

Sirzy · 22/05/2023 15:07

Don’t worry what people think. Take time off sick, when things are more settled you can look into getting into some sort of routine to let you work too but for now you need to focus on your well-being and being well enough to care for your child

peachespeachespeaches · 22/05/2023 15:11

BriarHare · 22/05/2023 14:35

You should take annual or unpaid leave.

You’re not sick, and if I were your manager, I’d take a very dim view if you manipulated the system to this extent. Being in a stressful situation is not a mental health crisis.

I would hope you're not anyone's manager.

Silvergoldandglitter · 22/05/2023 15:18

What is the company sick pay policy though? If you go down to SSP won't that just add to your worries?

Karatema · 22/05/2023 15:21

For those saying the OP is not sick; she is going through a very traumatic time which is impacting on her health (read the OP)!
I am the owner of a very small company and I would ask an employee of mine to be signed off sick once they'd had their compassionate leave (or the other way round if it meant they'd be paid better).
My company cannot afford to pay for an absent employee but I would not want an employee, who was worrying about their child, working and making mistakes. I'd rather they concentrated on themselves and their child.
Do you not have compassion for the OP?

rookiemere · 22/05/2023 15:25

You need better friends. Anyone that judges you for not being able to work effectively when your DC is in hospital has had some sort of empathy by pass.

Nordicrain · 22/05/2023 15:28

peachespeachespeaches · 22/05/2023 15:11

I would hope you're not anyone's manager.

Show quote history

Agreed.

Goldenboysmum · 22/05/2023 15:30

OP, get your GP to sign you off with stress!

You cannot work when your child is in hospital, and if that's not stressful then I don't know what is!

When my son died I was signed off with stress, but I suppose some people on here would argue that I wasn't ill 🙄

My dad, died last Friday, and again I've been signed off with stress.

Best wishes to you and your child 💐

Flamingogirl08 · 22/05/2023 15:30

Mumsnet is fucking nuts, some of these responses are unreal.

You are going through the most stressful period of your life. Your GP will 100% sign you off. Just go off sick OP. Your health and your child's health is more important that any misplaced guilt you may feel about taking, in my opinion justified sick leave.

Sending love and hoping your little one is doing OK.

Cookiecuttercatastrophe · 22/05/2023 15:30

I would definitely fall into the camp that advises you to take sick leave. The situation is clearly causing you a great deal of stress and you are experiencing symtoms of that. It is therefore reasonable that you be signed off for stress. At least do it for the timebeing. You can review the situation in a few weeks and maintain regular contact with your employer.

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 22/05/2023 15:35

You need to take parental leave. I'm sure a doctor would write you a sick note but the reason you can't work is caring for a child, I guess you could say "stress". The reality is you just need help with childcare, you aren't unwell so why lie and take up a doctors appointment? If you had full paid parental leave you'd use that, I'm guessing you won't get paid so don't want to use it?

Original poster
Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 15:37

Thank you for all the kind responses.

My line manager called and wants to arrange a zoom call tomorrow between us with HR coming in. So will take things from there.

I rang the GP but no appointments at all for the next 3 weeks. I can keep ringing daily in the morning for emergency appointments but receptionist indicated that they have so many physically unless callers that I am unlikely to get one. There is no online booking system either. Just the phone line. Anyone any idea how to work around that if push comes to shove?

Is there anyone else I could approach for a sick note? I am one of those who really only stay off when very very unwell, I rarely bother the doctors. The only sick note I had in my life was from hospital after a surgery. I don't actually know how to get one if I cannot see my GP.

OP posts:
Nordicrain · 22/05/2023 15:38

YOu culd probably get one from a private GP. Ones around my way are around £40 for a consultation.

Flamingogirl08 · 22/05/2023 15:39

Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 15:37

Thank you for all the kind responses.

My line manager called and wants to arrange a zoom call tomorrow between us with HR coming in. So will take things from there.

I rang the GP but no appointments at all for the next 3 weeks. I can keep ringing daily in the morning for emergency appointments but receptionist indicated that they have so many physically unless callers that I am unlikely to get one. There is no online booking system either. Just the phone line. Anyone any idea how to work around that if push comes to shove?

Is there anyone else I could approach for a sick note? I am one of those who really only stay off when very very unwell, I rarely bother the doctors. The only sick note I had in my life was from hospital after a surgery. I don't actually know how to get one if I cannot see my GP.

In my surgery you do not need an appointment for a sicknote.

Download and register with the NHS app and you can then access services (including requesting a sicknote) through that.

Original poster
Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 15:42

It's responses like that which make me feel like a total fraud. I just worry that many people at work will think I am a CV who is looking for an easy way out. Maybe it is better if I carry on working.

You need to take parental leave. I'm sure a doctor would write you a sick note but the reason you can't work is caring for a child, I guess you could say "stress". The reality is you just need help with childcare, you aren't unwell so why lie and take up a doctors appointment? If you had full paid parental leave you'd use that, I'm guessing you won't get paid so don't want to use it?

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 22/05/2023 15:43

I got signed off when my then husband was in hospital seriously ill after an MS attack & heart attack, I had a 6 year old at home & also needed to be at the hospital to learn the physiotherapy necessary for his recovery, I was dropping ds at school & going straight to the hospital to be there while dh had his plasma exchanges & physio.

HereLiesBetelgeuse · 22/05/2023 15:43

You can self cert for the first week. My surgery doesn't need an appointment for a sick line either so ask the receptionist what their procedure is for getting a line, they might be able to help with no appointment needed.

Clementineorsatsuma · 22/05/2023 15:45

Fedup0815 · 22/05/2023 14:20

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves that makes total sense but I wouldn't be able to afford parental leave for example as it's unpaid :(

But my gut tells me that this would be the decent thing to do rather than milking the sickness pay system. You are right, I am not ill.

It's not a question of milking anything.

It's fraud. If you are not ill, you are not ill.

Your company will claim SSP for while you are off. If you are not ill, that's fraud.

I am sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

You will need to use whatever compassionate leave they offer, plus annual leave, and then if you are too stressed, get signed off by your GP. Does your company pay full sick pay btw? It's not a legal requirement.

Hope LO gets well soon.

Timeforchangeithink · 22/05/2023 15:47

As a manager we would expect you to be signed off sick with stress.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/05/2023 15:47

Righthandman · 22/05/2023 14:48

OP, I'm HR. If you worked in my company and you were 'tired, stressed, worried, not with it' and making uncharacteristic mistakes I would definitely encourage you to see your GP. If the GP was happy to sign you off I would have no problem with you taking the leave as sickness absence.

Longer blocks of expected absence are easier to manage teams around, rather than ad hoc trying to keep going and occasionally failing. I have known many GPs sign off many employees with 'stress' as a way to enable those employees to cope with an unexpected or arduous caring responsibility like yours.

To be honest I don't think I would have been happy with you trying to work from the hospital in the first place. No job is worth that level of stress. It may be more possible in a month or so, once treatment is settled and if you have a routine and potentially a space to work arranged with the hospital, but it's not essential.

Compassionate leave for a few days would normally be paid and might be helpful to get you to the weekend, so that you can arrange to see your GP and get organised. If your employer is willing to offer a longer stretch of compassionate leave then absolutely start with that. I'm curious how long @MrsBennetsPoorNerves would offer to her team as compassionate leave - we are generally limited to a day or two.

Best wishes to you and your DC, I hope it all works out well for you both.

I've given people up to 2 weeks compassionate leave when circumstances require. Fully paid.

I take the view that I would rather record absences for what they actually are, and if employees aren't sick, I would rather not record it as sick leave, as that then causes them to hot unnecessary triggers for sickness absence/causes problems for them if they do subsequently become sick and have run out of paid sick leave.