To think we’ve all been brainwashed (beauty standards)

[exproblemsforever]

I was reading a heartwarming thread on Reddit today about supposed imperfections that men actually live on women. Answers ranged from laughter lines, having a bit of a belly, cellulite, stretch marks, big noses - all of it.

it made me think, we are constantly told we (women) are not good enough. That we have to fix any perceived flaws. That unless we do we aren’t worthy of love, etc. We are taught this from a relatively young age (remember Cosmo magazine).

We must be hair free, no lines, no sun damage, lightly tanned (natural of course but don’t get sun damage), big breasts but they must be firm, a juicy bottom but you mustn’t have cellulite or stretch marks, no fat on your tummy….

it’s all BS.

And I’m not saying to accept ourselves because a bunch of men on the internet said so. It just made me realise that we are just us. We don’t have imperfections. We just are what we are. If we / someone wants to change something that’s all well and good. But to be made to feel we HAVE to, that’s just not ok. It’s just a money making exercise.

Argh sorry rant over. I only slept a couple of hours so I apologise if I am incoherent lol.

There were an awful lot of posts during lockdown from women who'd stopped wearing makeup and dying their hair.

I wonder if these women have started again and if they are insisting they are doing it purely for themselves?

But it's essentially the same thing, cosmetically enhancing what you have - it's just they are the things you find acceptable whereas the others aren't.

As for whether it looks 'false' well that is subjective. I have definitely seen older men and women with dyed hair that looks unnatural, actually if women didn't dye their hair most of us would be grey in our 30s or so. And I say that as someone who dyes my hair.

And it's not making the best of what you have, it's faking what you don't have. Which is fine, but it doesn't make you somehow better than people who do that in other ways.

I don't understand why beauty or style seems to get all sorts of shaming that other aspirational things don't get. It's not surprising some people want to improve themselves, given how much we judge eachother and are judged in the world.

And we do it in lots of ways, but someone who buys the bigger house or the fancier car doesn't get told they are letting down the sisterhood, or shamed in the same way - these are also things that are sort of designed to show off our wealth and status.
Where I live (in the suburbs) there is no need for massive 4x4s or SUVs, but they are everywhere. It seems to be the norm now to drive your children to school in a tank! Because that's fashionable, and a way to show off wealth. And yes, they may be safe blah blah, but that is not the reason everyone has one.

Also, for people who think it's only women who go a bit overboard on beauty and vanity, here's a guy spending millions thinking that will make him look 18 again (hint: it doesn't)

I haven't been brainwashed.

I do see what you're saying about the beauty industry, but I think the very starting point here is wrong. why are your taking what a bunch of men on Reddit find attractive as your beauty standard? It shouldn't matter whether some men find laugh lines or bellies attractive. I'd be more interested in a survey asking women what they like about themselves. But either way, I agree with you that beauty standards are a load of guff. I think we should all focus on what we like about ourselves, and refuse standards that aren't our own.

The majority of purchasing decisions are made by women which is why these 'rich white men' or advertising companies target them more when it comes to spending money. Often on things they don't need.

I generally brush it once in the morning so it's not tangled, not throughout the day. Basic grooming which even animals do themselves (albeit without brushes).

I also wear deodorant because I don't want to smell. I even brush my teeth. None of those are to do with appearance.

If I'm going out I will normally straighten my hair and depending on where I'm going, put on some make up which I don't do if I'm at home.

I've no idea what your point is or why you are deliberately being obtuse.

It's as old as time though, not just since social media. Watched an interesting youtube video yesterday about how the Edwardians and Victorians were re-touching their photos to reduce their waists and enlarge their busts! They also scraped out freckles and wrinkles. And clothes were designed to give that illusion too, like bustles and crinolines.

I’m not brainwashed. I’d never go anywhere near anyone who’s shallow enough to worry about what people look like. If you shower regularly and wash your clothes regularly that’s enough for me.

There is definitely an element of vanity involved - it's not just exercise, he also get regular skin and laser treatments, his teeth done etc.
In one interview I watched he stood next to his teenage son and tried to make out like nobody could tell the difference between them 😳

Well I am brainwashed. Im not ashamed. I’m surprised more people don’t recognise that they are, TBH.

Why do I paint my nails? Dye my hair? Shave off body hair? It’s a crazy thing to do. I do it because I enjoy the feeling it gives me of being slightly more acceptable to the patriarchal society we live in than my natural state.

Instead of accepting that we ‘enjoy’ beauty treatments/hair care/beautification, asking ourselves why we enjoy them and being able to be honest and unashamed about the transactional nature of our patriarchal society is a step forward I think.

Social media has only been around in the last 15 years or so. Mainstream media is to blame really.

No, for pretending you didn't understand my post. When I originally posted it was because someone's relationship has absolutely zero to do with you wearing mascara.

You can sit at home alone in a full face of make up, a permi tan and a ballgown for all I care. You just don't seem to believe that having to use cosmetics to make yourself feel good is most likely down to that fact that since you were a child, society sees women with make up as prettier. See PPs example about women having to wear make up in the media. And when celebrities go out without it on their faces are splashed all over with headlines referring to them looking rough (paraphrasing).

I feel much better when I wear make up because I feel more attractive/that I'll be judged more positively (and I don't mean to attract men, I mean generally I want to be perceived as attractive as most people do). So while it makes me feel good about myself (and presumably you or why would do it), no one should actually need to do because our natural faces/hair/teeth should be accepted. That's the point of this thread and you are too busy being defensive about your own habits you are not taking any of that on board.

Liken it to teenagers NEEDING the latest trainers. That's from societal pressure so other teens don't make fun of them for having what they consider, uncool ones. They don't think that though, they also think they have their own minds.

You're the only one calling women weak and simpering fools. If going bare faced was what people had always found attractive you likely wouldn't have started using it in the first place so don't pretend otherwise.

I saw a Youtube video I think linked from here to a ted talk or similar where a woman was talking about being asked by her daughter why women wear make up and men don't and being upset by the question.

It really gets to the root of the problem. It's like why women wear high heels.

You may say it makes you feel good and makes you feel attractive. I know I feel better in heels because I feel taller and more glamorous

But drill it down and the only reason it makes women (including myself in this) to feel more attractive is because we have been socialised to think that and all make up is designed to make women more attractive to men (lipstick making lips pinker mimicking flush of sexual arousal, mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow- eyes made to look bigger and wider mimicking youth and darkness that goes with dilated pupils) and so on.

Men don't wear make up in the same way because they are - in a patriarchal society - attractive enough because they work, own assets, and are physically powerful. They don't need to do anything because well they are men.