To think we’ve all been brainwashed (beauty standards)

[exproblemsforever]

I was reading a heartwarming thread on Reddit today about supposed imperfections that men actually live on women. Answers ranged from laughter lines, having a bit of a belly, cellulite, stretch marks, big noses - all of it.

it made me think, we are constantly told we (women) are not good enough. That we have to fix any perceived flaws. That unless we do we aren’t worthy of love, etc. We are taught this from a relatively young age (remember Cosmo magazine).

We must be hair free, no lines, no sun damage, lightly tanned (natural of course but don’t get sun damage), big breasts but they must be firm, a juicy bottom but you mustn’t have cellulite or stretch marks, no fat on your tummy….

it’s all BS.

And I’m not saying to accept ourselves because a bunch of men on the internet said so. It just made me realise that we are just us. We don’t have imperfections. We just are what we are. If we / someone wants to change something that’s all well and good. But to be made to feel we HAVE to, that’s just not ok. It’s just a money making exercise.

Argh sorry rant over. I only slept a couple of hours so I apologise if I am incoherent lol.

Exactly.

What’s wrong with red blooded heterosexual women attracting and enjoying male attention anyway?

I can't say I have an issue with something like this. Making wild comments on the thread that aren't true or accurate devalues the debate.
It's depressing for someone to post acting high and mighty about other women who chose to do X,Y or Z as though they don't have a brain, are blindly following a trend when actually the only thing stopping the poster from doing some of the very same thing is money!

It was really not the same in the 60s. Celebrities were distant figures with mystique. We only saw careful studio shots of them, we did not see airbrushed and filtered photos of their daily lives like we do now.

I think those heartwarming threads on Reddit are a steaming pile of horse shit, a bunch of men clapping themselves on the back because they're OK with stretch marks and cellulite. Well bully for them, but who cares if they are or not?

But some of us enjoy being attractive to the opposite sex? You know, because we’re young, heterosexual, enjoy the attention etc.

I see nothing wrong with giving a shit about how attractive you are to men you wish to attract. It makes for a joyful existence. I mean, imagine a life without male attention, flirting and sex?!

It's not creepy, you're searching a random username, normally when something doesn't feel right about a poster. If a poster posts conflicting information (eg I'm a stepmother on my first pregnancy and DHs ex is being a bitch in 1 post, and then in another post they put I'm a single parent of 12 what benefits can I get, it's clearly troll like and should be reported to mn)

We all have the ability to namechange here, and in my view that's brilliant and should never be changed.

Women are other women’s fiercest critics when it comes to beauty.

Absolutely right OP, given down to how many women groom their pubes now which is basically based on whatever is trendy in porn 🤷🏻‍♀️

This I agree with. It’s like in Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry David wants everyone to think that his friend’s plain looking & overweight wife is actually his wife so that people “will think he’s a good person”

I think we should start a thread and actively identify about all of the things that men might feel self conscious about. And then flippantly say “but we don’t mind”

According to a recent post, only thing stilling you from having Botox is financial

Disco2023 · 30/04/2023 10:37
Following with interest, I’m 44. Young looking but aging quickly it would seem. Not even loads of wrinkles. Shape of my face etc. I can’t really go down the fillers/Botox route.My wage doesn’t stretch that far.Also it’s a fine line. Good haircuts and make up that suits you not trends.

. I wouldn’t rule out non invasive treatments but how long do they last really?

Hahaha caught out. Don't judge people for falling for the 'bullshit' as you call it, when you've said you would have it. People can choose to spend their money on themselves if they want to and they feel better about themselves doing so.

Yes and it starts with (for example) that thread the other day about what a tragedy it is to cut a girl's hair short. We do it to ourselves. And it's why the trans bullshit is happening as well imo

Alot of the beauty standards I see, seem a bit 'pornified', not sure why that's something to aspire to

There's pros and cons, always. I love that younger women don't wear silly high heels any more and dress for comfort much more, and there's also more body positivity about bigger sizes that helps balance some of the pressures.

So much is to do with other factors. If you see couples who love each other as they grow old and it's got nothing to do with media consumerist beauty bullshit, then you know the truth. When people get so impacted that they're having surgeries etc, there's usually more going on than superficial social media influence.

Other narratives we are fed (including here);
ALL men cheat
ALL men prefer younger women
(in in their biology don’t you know).

People can choose to spend their money on themselves if they want to and they feel better about themselves doing so.

This is the crux of the matter. Why does conforming (or in most cases, attempting to conform) to current societal standards make us feel better?

what is it about silicon pouts that makes young women feel better? Or Botox? And is the reason something that will make us feel worse in the long term?

I do worry about the young women placing so much reliance on Botox and fillers, and how it will have affected them in 20 years time.

Sissynova is* spot on. *The issue for me isnt so much a bunch of men on the Internet. It is the other women on the Internet who can't wait to tell us we are failing all women hood cause we wear make up or heels or get botox.

I have a large nose and have never considered it to be an imperfection.

Who is feeding you these narratives?
I think the main problem is you take random comments on the internet and seem to take it as gospel. There isn't some global agenda to make women think all men cheat or prefer X, Y or Z.
I can't say I've ever viewed those comments in your post as reality.
I think the same would be true for most people.

This is something I've been brooding about lately, as I start to feel increasingly resentful of the (self-imposed?) pressure to stay slim and young-looking as I enter mid-life.

I'm fairly low-maintenance as it goes - I work out and watch what I eat in order to maintain a healthy BMI; I look after my skin and my hair, and I try to put wear reasonably flattering, reasonably fashionable clothes. I don't dye my hair, I've had no "work" done, and I wear no or minimal make up.

But I remember the older women I grew up - absolutely no one expected them to look like anything except older women! The only people expected to look like slender, trendy young things were young women! So middle-aged women got stout, and grey, and wrinkled, and no one cared, and said they'd "let themselves go", were "showing their age", or had got "frumpy" or "mumsy."

They would still dress smartly when the occasion called for it - I've seen old photos of my grandma and great-aunts beautifully turned out for weddings and so on - but no one expected them not to age. And doing so wasn't a crime, not a brave act of rebellion, it was just what happened.

I'm not sure what caused this change, or when it started, but I suspect we're less happy - or at least less content - as a result.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal But I remember the older women I grew up - absolutely no one expected them to look like anything except older women! The only people expected to look like slender, trendy young things were young women! So middle-aged women got stout, and grey, and wrinkled, and no one cared, and said they'd "let themselves go", were "showing their age", or had got "frumpy" or "mumsy."

I think your perception as a child of older women just wasn't accurate. Women were still sold lotions and potions to look young.
I remember being about 5, my grandmother was in her late 60s and would do little exercises going up and down on her toes while cooking as it 'kept her slim'. It isn't new.

What, my perception of all the older women I knew was off? Bit patronising.

Nope. I'm not brainwashed re anything you mention.

I also knew them as an adult, not just as a child.