To think we’ve all been brainwashed (beauty standards)

[exproblemsforever]

I was reading a heartwarming thread on Reddit today about supposed imperfections that men actually live on women. Answers ranged from laughter lines, having a bit of a belly, cellulite, stretch marks, big noses - all of it.

it made me think, we are constantly told we (women) are not good enough. That we have to fix any perceived flaws. That unless we do we aren’t worthy of love, etc. We are taught this from a relatively young age (remember Cosmo magazine).

We must be hair free, no lines, no sun damage, lightly tanned (natural of course but don’t get sun damage), big breasts but they must be firm, a juicy bottom but you mustn’t have cellulite or stretch marks, no fat on your tummy….

it’s all BS.

And I’m not saying to accept ourselves because a bunch of men on the internet said so. It just made me realise that we are just us. We don’t have imperfections. We just are what we are. If we / someone wants to change something that’s all well and good. But to be made to feel we HAVE to, that’s just not ok. It’s just a money making exercise.

Argh sorry rant over. I only slept a couple of hours so I apologise if I am incoherent lol.

Wow, some of the negativity to the OP on this post is a little bit intense. The OP is just pointing out what beauty standards women are 'expected' to confirm to and how we've been conditioned to think about our bodies! This doesn't mean everyone does conform to them or is conditioned to think negativity about their bodies (though 99% of females I know do) and if you are affected by the pressure of beauty standards it doesn't make you weak either! OP I totally agree with you! It depresses me too but the thread you read sounds like it was a nice reality check, that most human beings on a day to day basis are attracted to normal human bodies xx

YANBU. I was on a hen weekend last weekend, and all the other women had had Botox. It was so depressing.

How can mid 30s be described as old crone?

A lot of young women I see look very similar, eyelashes/fake tan / lots of contoured make up/ pumped up lips, so I assume that comes from somewhere, but age has allowed me to not care anymore. My make up and clothes are still quite 80’s, but that’s fine as that’s where I’m comfortable. And I’m a bit overweight, but so what, as the one thing I enjoy is food.

I think a lot of women have been "brainwashed". Look at how many threads there are saying, for example "All women look better with makeup". By all means wear makeup if you want to and like doing so (though was interesting that the number of women wearing makeup dropped during lockdown ...) but don't force your beauty opinions on other people.

See also - dying your hair, hair length, Botox, fillers, stylish versus comfortable clothes.

Yeah, these kind of things are peer pressure from other women and nothing to do with men.

Someone will have undoubtedly said this but the harshest critic of women is often other women.

It's long been acknowledged the problem with the fashion industry is it's run by gay men, so the female form isn't celebrated.

But you have had cosmetic dental work, get your hair dyed and wear make up - that is also shallow.

Why is it any different than someone who gets their nails or tan done? They are just choosing a different set of cosmetic enhancements...I really don't understand the moral superiority about 'certain' treatments versus others.

For example someone getting their ears pinned back, getting their teeth fixed or a nose job is seen as just correcting a fault, whereas a facelift, botox or fillers is seen as vain and unnecessary. When really they are all just cosmetic enhancements.

This ⬆️

Quite often when girls and women unfortunately ‘go missing’ , the photo supplied to help identify and find them is completely unrecognisable . The filters have filtered out reality, and they all look the same ( which is not like anyone you see walking around).

Have you visited the relationship board lately? And yes, it’s women saying these things presented as fact.

Yanbu.

I lift weights regularly and I follow a few social media accounts of female lifters. I do it to lose weight and to build muscle mass to hopefully be more in shape when I'm older and able to keep mobility longer.

But there are LOADS of accounts of "skinny cardio bunnies" "transforming" to "muscle mommies" (urgh I mean that language is enough to bin off social media all together isn't it) but it makes me sad sometimes as though it's great, it's really beneficial for them health wise, what I see with those transformations is "girl ate as little as possible to fit one beauty standard, and now the standard has changed she's worked to fit the new one" which isn't a problem, per se, no criticism of her, but I wonder what body she'll aim for in 5 years when it shifts again (which seems to be happening).

It's society though isn't it, we want to fit in and be attractive, especially women. I don't know how to fully escape that. My weight loss is pretty driven by feeling ugly after all💁

Women have followed fashion and beauty trends since time began, so have men to a lesser degree.
Victorian women used to soak fly papers in water to extract the arsenic to use on their faces for their complexion, use soot on their eyelashes and beetroot on their lips.
Move on to Princess Diana, suddenly Diana do's ( hair ) and pussy bows were everywhere.
Victoria Beckham's Bob cut was suddenly everywhere.
Now it's Botox, fillers and contouring.
Even here on MN we have posters criticising weight and dress size, how disgusting it is to be plus size etc.
Most of us had mum's who made their baby daughters pretty with bows in hair and frilly frocks.
Most of us also had mum's who themselves followed fashion and trends, that was what most girls grew up with so it became most girls normal, because it was their normal, they continued it on with their own daughter.
People like to ' fit in ' with their peers, hence following fashion and trends.
You don't have to, of course not. That's your personal choice, but it doesn't give a right to criticise those who do.

@farmageddon it's making the best of what you have.

Yes I have my hair coloured and had my teeth straightened but nobody would look at me or my dd's and see anything "false" - eyelashes, trout pout, eyebrows that could be small furry animals, false talons for nails, etc.

I don't feel brainwashed. I suppose I came to conclusion as a child that I would never fit in so I just do my own thing. I make a conscious effort to be clean & presentable so as not to offend.

Adult DD is brainwashed. She is so competitive & has so much self-esteem wrapped up in her appearance. I cannot fathom it. This neurosis undermines her mental health, is why I care about it.

The day I get to go to a red carpet event with no make up, having not done my hair, being able to wear the same dress as last time is the moment when I will shout “eureka” because finally female emancipation will have occurred.
Where's the fun in that?

Its not brainwashed it the same as fashion, the desire to be the same or as good as.
As a man, ill say its mostly complete nonsense and your doing it to compete with other women, for their benifit not mens.

Perfect imperfection!

*Every time you put mascara on, every time you dress up, every time you do anything to 'look good' you pile the pressure on other women to do the same.

Do we have to keep on competing against each other?*

That's a load of old nonsense. I do things if I feel like doing them and if I don't feel like doing them I don't.

What about naturally beautiful women who look good without doing anything? Should they put a burka on so someone else doesn't feel inadequate next to them?

Hyperbole @Sirloinwithlove ? No, it’s just a tiny representation of the information we are fed on a continual basis. Just because you say you aren’t affected by it, or you pretend it doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean that’s the case.

People like to ' fit in ' with their peers, hence following fashion and trends.
You don't have to, of course not. That's your personal choice, but it doesn't give a right to criticise those who do.

I think the problem is that that the people following fashion and trends feel they do have the right to criticise those who don't.

And a lot of the marketing / social media reinforces this either directly or by implication.

As noted up thread, if a man turns up to an event wearing a respectable suit, having had a shower and brushed his hair but not anything else, that's not worthy of note. If a woman did likewise, there would be comments.