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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has RAN AWAY in foreign country.

412 replies

Greekrunaway23 · 20/05/2023 22:33

Away with our DC’s, I appreciate the need for downtime but every night I’ve sat alone in silence whilst he watches films.

Tonight i broached this and said I just felt really flat and lonely after 12 days of this, still 2 to go. He said that it’s proven that men don’t need ‘chat and drama’ hence they can happily live alone for years.

I got quite tearful and said I really wasn’t starting an argument, I just wanted to chat of an evening. He kept on repeating that I can speak to him whenever I like, and I explained it would be nice to feel as if I wasn’t disturbing him and him to initiate conversation.

Then he ran away, it’s 12.32am here he’s gone. It’s really rough weather here tonight too and I’m scared. He hasn’t got a key as the fob for the electric is welded onto the key so I have no idea what to do.

aibu to phone the Greek police?

OP posts:
girljulian · 21/05/2023 00:32

Her husband went out for like two hours for a walk and to get some space, then answered the phone, then came back. ??? The end?? A friend of mine did this and her boyfriend reported her missing, which led to a huge amount of rigmarole indicative of the fact that he didn't recognise her rights as an adult to get some fresh air rather than shout at him and their children.

chickawhoo · 21/05/2023 00:33

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"Millions!"
Four.

girljulian · 21/05/2023 00:35

chickawhoo · 21/05/2023 00:33

"Millions!"
Four.

Show quote history

Millions to me considering I didn't say anything remotely provocative.

BeginningToLookALotLike · 21/05/2023 00:37

girljulian · 21/05/2023 00:32

Her husband went out for like two hours for a walk and to get some space, then answered the phone, then came back. ??? The end?? A friend of mine did this and her boyfriend reported her missing, which led to a huge amount of rigmarole indicative of the fact that he didn't recognise her rights as an adult to get some fresh air rather than shout at him and their children.

You haven't read the OP's posts properly.

And this isn't about your friend.

chickawhoo · 21/05/2023 00:40

Kinda sounds like @girljulian's friend is also a CF.

girljulian · 21/05/2023 00:41

@BeginningToLookALotLike I have read all their posts.

MysteryBelle · 21/05/2023 00:43

He’s a terrible and cruel person. There is no excuse for what he’s doing to you. What a little baby idiot he is. He’s foolish.

Get yourself and your children home and then tell him to leave. Get a lawyer and get rid of him. I am upset on your behalf, don’t think I’ve heard of such outlandish immature buffoonish behavior.

Abouttoblow · 21/05/2023 00:52

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Off you fuck dear.

LadyJ2023 · 21/05/2023 00:53

Another drama poster because yet again it doesn't make sense. You say his phone didn't work abroad then you say it does. You say you can't make calls then you magically can and other stuff

pizzaHeart · 21/05/2023 00:54

girljulian · 21/05/2023 00:32

Her husband went out for like two hours for a walk and to get some space, then answered the phone, then came back. ??? The end?? A friend of mine did this and her boyfriend reported her missing, which led to a huge amount of rigmarole indicative of the fact that he didn't recognise her rights as an adult to get some fresh air rather than shout at him and their children.

of course people are entitled to fresh air but they need to behave in a reasonable grown up way when they are on the way out to get their portion of fresh air. There was no need for all this drama he could just behave differently.

girljulian · 21/05/2023 00:54

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BanditsOnTheHorizon · 21/05/2023 00:56

Saltandsauce · 20/05/2023 22:35

He’s a grown man.
catch ur flight in 2 days and LTB when u get home.

This!

Abouttoblow · 21/05/2023 00:57

girljulian · 21/05/2023 00:32

Her husband went out for like two hours for a walk and to get some space, then answered the phone, then came back. ??? The end?? A friend of mine did this and her boyfriend reported her missing, which led to a huge amount of rigmarole indicative of the fact that he didn't recognise her rights as an adult to get some fresh air rather than shout at him and their children.

"A friend of yours"
Nah, no one is buying the BS that you have friends.
Too far.

Abouttoblow · 21/05/2023 01:00

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Those are some excellent drugs you're on 😂😂😂😂😂

Enjoy!

Inkypot · 21/05/2023 01:02

@girljulian are you equating the two threads because they both have dramatic titles starting with 'DH'?
I will agree with you that the "DH IS GAY!!!" post is all kinds of batshit. You're not wrong on that. But I'm inclined to believe the poster on this thread that we're on.

biscuiteer · 21/05/2023 01:04

unsurefornow · 20/05/2023 22:58

@Temporaryname158a man who gives you the silent treatment is a man who is abusing you

Not necessarily! Please don't apply the word "abuse" so lightly, it's really offensive to people who have been abused. Silent treatment is silent treatment, nothing more and nothing less.

Actually it's not silent treatment if the pattern is there that they shut you out. The silent treatment would be more of a one off while someone cools down rather than the go to for every situation. It can be and often is a form of emotional abuse and can be extremely difficult to deal with as they effecively don' communicate but control the situation by disappearing/ going silent/ ignoring and so on. It's quite the head fuck.

Sarahtm35 · 21/05/2023 01:06

I haven’t read your entire thread but could it be that he is suffering from depression/anxiety? When I had a nervous breakdown I couldn’t bare to hear people talk, it physically made me ill.
it might not be personal towards you.
I think a break and a heart to heart once you’ve both had some distance might give you answers. Hope you’re okay.

biscuiteer · 21/05/2023 01:06

I agree with you though that it isn't abuse if not talking is someone's way of taking time out to calm down or let anger pass and then be ready to talk it out. But no communication at all as and when someone pleases really can be a coercive control issue in my opinion.

blueshoes · 21/05/2023 01:52

Sarahtm35 · 21/05/2023 01:06

I haven’t read your entire thread but could it be that he is suffering from depression/anxiety? When I had a nervous breakdown I couldn’t bare to hear people talk, it physically made me ill.
it might not be personal towards you.
I think a break and a heart to heart once you’ve both had some distance might give you answers. Hope you’re okay.

I considered he might be overwhelmed and suffering from depression. But he came back and was as offensive as ever.

No, he is just a twat.

TommyNever · 21/05/2023 02:02

I often wonder if those responding to these threads ever remind themselves: "We're only getting one side of the story here..."

PinkyFlamingo · 21/05/2023 02:18

Sounds a lonely life.

JMSA · 21/05/2023 02:19

Hi OP. I'm sorry you are going through this Flowers
I hope you don't mind me saying this, but is there any way he could be having an affair back home? I remember when my ex husband had an affair, and he would often be deliberately obtuse towards me. It was like he was trying to justify his actions. He also behaved strangely while we were on holiday at that time, and would sneak off to call her.
I'm probably wrong, and certainly hope I am Flowers

YouJustDoYou · 21/05/2023 03:02

What a pathetic little manchild he is. Fuck him op. What does he even bring to your life?

YouJustDoYou · 21/05/2023 03:03

blueshoes · 21/05/2023 01:52

I considered he might be overwhelmed and suffering from depression. But he came back and was as offensive as ever.

No, he is just a twat.

Show quote history

yup. massive dickhead twat.

SkyandSurf · 21/05/2023 03:06

I've read all the OP's comments a few times and I just can't see what people are reacting to here.

One missing piece of the puzzle is- what has he been like during the day? Has he been an engaged dad and partner, wrangling the two children in a new place with you? Is he tired?

Pregnancy is a vulnerable time, and I don't want to criticise you but I find myself (also pregnant) empathising with your husband.

I've just come back from holiday with my husband and two small children. By the time we finally got them in bed I was exhausted. I just wanted to space out, with my headphones in, watching bridgerton or some other nonsense. Fortunately my husband understands and respects that I need time to decompress in the day. If my husband had repeatedly badgered me to 'initiate chat' and even started crying (which would seem a little manipulative frankly) demanding my attention when id been really clear I was spent and didn't have the energy... I can't say I would have physically run off but I certainly would understand the impulse.

You say he kept repeating his answers to you- doesn't that imply that you kept demanding and insisting that he chat with you after he had made it clear he wasn't up for it? Why does your wish for attention come before his wish for downtime?

Does he ignore you all day every day? Or just want some alone time at night?

Also I don't see how he is abusive. He didn't leave you and the children alone on the streets of some war torn outpost. It sounds like you were safe and sound in a holiday villa? He's a grown man, he went for a walk or a run. That's not dangerous. Surely you knew he was fine.

He told you again and again to leave him be and eventually he left to be alone. Then you persisted in phoning him- repeatedly- how much clearer could he be that he wanted some alone time? Why couldn't you respect that. Men are allowed boundaries as well.

He's a grown man, he went out for a break rather than get angry with his pregnant wife. And you call over and over when it's clear he wanted to be alone, cry, stay up, talk about involving the police.. it is dramatic. I personally would find it too much.

If you want to have a serious conversation about how your needs aren't being met in the relationship- then why was that the moment you picked? A moment when he didn't want to talk at all. When you were both tired. With no warning for him.

If you want to talk about needing more attention then ask him when would be a good time. Do it when you're not both exhausted. Don't call the police if a grown man wants a break.

I'm not supporting the husbands actions, but we don't know how many times he asked to be left alone only to have his boundaries ignored.