DH has RAN AWAY in foreign country.

[Greekrunaway23]

Away with our DC’s, I appreciate the need for downtime but every night I’ve sat alone in silence whilst he watches films.

Tonight i broached this and said I just felt really flat and lonely after 12 days of this, still 2 to go. He said that it’s proven that men don’t need ‘chat and drama’ hence they can happily live alone for years.

I got quite tearful and said I really wasn’t starting an argument, I just wanted to chat of an evening. He kept on repeating that I can speak to him whenever I like, and I explained it would be nice to feel as if I wasn’t disturbing him and him to initiate conversation.

Then he ran away, it’s 12.32am here he’s gone. It’s really rough weather here tonight too and I’m scared. He hasn’t got a key as the fob for the electric is welded onto the key so I have no idea what to do.

aibu to phone the Greek police?

How come the small hours bring out the arseholes on MN? Probably had a few wines and come on MN to give distressed people a good kicking to make themselves feel better about their deeply unhappy lives.

This. You may have slept walking into becoming a servant of a selfish man. If he can leave on his own, let him be. You are not getting much of it.

And don’t call the police, he us just hiding out somewhere dry trying to guilt trip you

I too think he wanted her pregnant so she’s trapped. He sounds horrible op and doesn’t treat you with respect.

Oh OP. I'm sorry. What a horrible end to your holiday. X

"DH has RAN AWAY (sic) in a foreign country" is very dramatic. The capitals make it look like a tabloid headline. In truth, he flounced off in a very childish manner. I'd have let him flounce.

Otherwise: people have unrealistic expectations of holidays. Holidays can be this wonderful time to reconnect, blah-di-blah. They can also highlight that one person's relaxation (sitting with headphones on) is another's "feeling ignored". And one person's "need to chat" is another's aural torture. Add a pregnancy and young children into the mix, and it's hardly surprising that there's a blow-up.

I disagree with your husband, OP, about men being able to live without chat and drama - but only because I can't be arsed with either of those things either and I'm a woman. If someone were twittering away about wanting to reconnect with me, I'd be sticking my headphones on too. But where your husband is a dick is that he says he doesn't want drama, then does a dramatic flounce which makes you react hysterically. He should have just said he was going for a walk and would be back in a couple of hours. It's ok for men (and women) to have boundaries without people saying they are abusive.

Is this what you want for the rest of your life, OP? I’d be making plans to end the relationship and deciding what kind of life I would like. It must be a very lonely place at the moment but that doesn’t have to be forever.

He sounds horrendous and like he could not give a shit about you and your feelings. You deserve so much better than this sulking twat.

I would sincerely reconsider this pregnancy, as in can you afford another child as a solo mum. You have to look after yourself, and your emotional health, and staying with this abusive shit will only make you and your child unhappy.

I'm not convinced that encouraging a woman who is 9 weeks pregnant with 2 young kids to ltb is very helpful. They literally just brought forward trying to conceive. One stressful holiday isn't enough reason to split up! Yes have a chat. Yes it's rude to wear headphones but maybe op hates those films and was reading just silently seething and he didn't realise.

"DH has RAN AWAY (sic) in a foreign country" is very dramatic. The capitals make it look like a tabloid headline. In truth, he flounced off in a very childish manner. I'd have let him flounce.
OP has confirmed he literally ran away. Which is more than a flounce and ridiculously dramatic on the part of the husband.

You can argue about semantics all you like - but the fact remains that they were both being drama llamas.

Is he back yet @Greekrunaway23 ?

Read all OP's posts

What a twunt!!! Get rid asap - he’s treating you like shit. You are not doing anything wrong to want a conversation with him. Affair perhaps he’s had his head turned? Do not allow your self esteem to fall further down the toilet. He’s not worth it is he. Maybe he’s a coward and wants you to end it. I hope you have real family and friends support.

He’s behaving like an absolute child and ran away to scare you late at night, while you are 9 weeks pregnant. What a dick!

I suggest trying to enjoy the rest of the holiday without him and be cool with him until he apologises in a genuine way. His behaviour is embarrassing and you aren’t in the wrong! Don’t wheedle trying to talk to him or get him to make up as you’re only giving him more attention.

Spending your time with somebody staring at a screen with headphones on is not companionship, he’s blocking you out. Surely that’s not normal?

@Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco

poor man eh?!

NOT

@knitpicky

please do explain why OP was being a “drama llama”?

What a selfish, immature, ridiculous man child! He was probably holed up around in the gardens somewhere, sulking. Twat.

Well he’s certainly trying to teach you that you can’t raise issues like this again (or cause drama in his words) or this will happen again. He’s putting you in your place op.

Im assuming you very rarely tackle his ways op?

@knitpicky

so are you really saying it is ok to sit with headphones on every night whilst you’re on holiday?!

no.

you can have drinks on the balcony. Go out and have the kids sleep in the their pushchairs. Whatever.

but sitting in with headphones on…how BORING

@Greekrunaway23 you've hinted that him being quiet is normal for him when you said:

I guess at home the loneliness was busied away with evening bits around the house but sat in a small villa infront of each other in silence is just an eye opener of how my life really is.

So what is normal life for you both like? And how engaged and chatty has he been during the day on holiday? If he's normally a quiet man, who possibly works alone (you said tradesman), then 2 weeks "stuck" with 3 other people for 24 hours a day is a huge culture shock.

Holidays can be lovely but they can also be so draining, and they certainly put a spotlight on relationship incompatibilities. I've had a couple of short breaks (thankfully not 2 weeks!) where I just wanted my partners to shut up and stop talking, quickly realising I needed daily downtime to myself for some peace and to recharge. When you're both home and calm, have a chat about what you both want and expect from the relationship and go from there.

I'm a "quiet person", so to speak. I'm very happy in my own company and can easily go for hours doing "parellel" activities next to DH, without speaking to him. Most of the times of an evening we aren't necessarily even in the same room.

However, OP is on holiday - aren't part of the reasons we go on holiday with family to spend quality time together reconnecting? Without the usual distractions of daily life that usually suck us into our own worlds?

I'd feel pretty hurt if EVERY night my DH didn't want to engage in any kind of joint conversation. To me it signifies that he doesn't feel like it's worth making the effort to build up the relationship anymore. I don't know, it just feels really sad to me.

I think he's stuffed his emotions so far down that they rarely surface and as a result he doesn't connect with them, with you or with anyone else. When you suppress difficult emotions the whole lot get squashed so he probably has a fairly flat emotional landscape. My guess is when beans on toast hit the wall, and when he left yesterday, he went off to have a cry or regain control by numbing things. He silences you to stop himself feeling. You don't have to live like this. Nor does he but he would have to do a lot of work to change it. I hope you are ok.

I just want to add, that of course holiday's can be tiring, and actually if you need some time / a few nights to "veg out" and decompress that's fine.

But every night is taking it a bit far. It's all about balance, and it's the lack of balance that signifies a problem IMO.

I do this because I want to watch something different. I wear my headphones in the evening because I'm listening to music or just browsing. I didn't realise you are literally supposed to talk at your partner all day.

Wanting to sit and have quiet time is now a form of abuse.