DH has RAN AWAY in foreign country.

[Greekrunaway23]

Away with our DC’s, I appreciate the need for downtime but every night I’ve sat alone in silence whilst he watches films.

Tonight i broached this and said I just felt really flat and lonely after 12 days of this, still 2 to go. He said that it’s proven that men don’t need ‘chat and drama’ hence they can happily live alone for years.

I got quite tearful and said I really wasn’t starting an argument, I just wanted to chat of an evening. He kept on repeating that I can speak to him whenever I like, and I explained it would be nice to feel as if I wasn’t disturbing him and him to initiate conversation.

Then he ran away, it’s 12.32am here he’s gone. It’s really rough weather here tonight too and I’m scared. He hasn’t got a key as the fob for the electric is welded onto the key so I have no idea what to do.

aibu to phone the Greek police?

This avoidance of talking to you and running away was a sporadic pattern with my ex. It's weird because although you can't put your finger on it there is this deep seated unease that something is desperately wrong. 27 years and three children in I can remember my ex going away for a few day's cycling because he needed some space. He said he was going for a week camping and cycling. I hoped when he got back he was in a better frame of mind.

Of course he was having an affair. He would run away from me when I tried to have any conversation with him. And I mean run. The situation was bizarre hurtful and toxic. I had no real idea what was going on. He then left me and came back saying it was his house and he wanted me back. And I left.

People on this thread who say what this poster is experiencing isn't abuse. Well fuck you.

How on earth have you leapt to that? I agree that if OP is unhappy as it sounds like in some ways at least they're incompatible then of course leave, no one has to or should stay in a marriage they're miserable in; but plenty of people need time to decompress after a busy day with young children. Holidays can be very intense as you're together all of the time whereas at home you'd be up and about and in a routine. It sounds like he does chat if OP starts a conversation, it's just she wants him to initiate conversation.

He said how he felt about it several times and OP kept poking, not surprised he went out to clear his head. OP sounds pretty intense with wanting to call the police, repeatedly phoning when he's gone out for some peace. OP and children were somewhere safe it's not like he abandoned them somewhere or left OP with the children whilst they were awake. Not surprised he wanted a break from the drama.

Not sure what part suggests an affair. It suggests someone who knows how to keep themselves sane with young children.

It sounds like you're projecting.

"Not sure what part suggests an affair."

Anyone who's been in this situation recognises the whole pattern. It's a struggle to comprehend how much someone you love with all of your heart can lie to you but the anger and avoidance is reasonable behaviour in light of what they've done. Which is throw everything away.

@Bopcorn Whatever.

Insane? No, she’s being treated appallingly by her DH. She’s pregnant and upset.

OP I hope you can deal firmly with this in the morning- he needs to take a long look at himself and either shape up or leave. If mine put his headphones on to watch films every night on holiday and ignored me I’d have ditched the headphones and bollocked him.

He hasn't run away - he's gone out.

I am with orange satsumas.

You sound so lonely and he soundslike such a child. Its no way to live.

I would really think hard about what you want as soon as you get back from holiday.

By this i mean divorce, separating, what you need for the marriage to work (couples counselling) whether you want to stay and have another child with him, whether you could/want to raise a newborn on your own. What do you want to happen if he doesnt wake up?

@Bopcorn

Sadly, it's textbook affair behaviour. Been there, got the T shirt and then discovered how common this sort of behaviour is for men having an affair/.

My ex would never talk to me either. He would just stare at his phone, constantly. I’d bring it up and say the kids needed some attention from him and I needed some interaction from him, he’d blow up, rage at me about how it was “always the same argument” and disappear out for hours. As per other posts, he was seeing other women. I didn’t realise for a few years, until I found evidence.

Going out for a walk for a few hours as your partner keeps pestering you after you've answered what they've asked? Seems like someone who needs some space to be honest. Sure he might well be, OP hasn't really said what he's usually like at home.

It sounds like perhaps you're just incompatible if this is a dealbreaker in the evenings. Me and DH both enjoy some quiet time once the DC are in bed. Sure we chat, we do stuff together and we spent time with eachother, but some nights, especially when it's something full on like holiday we both like to sit and read, watch something or do something alone. Works for both of us, I wouldn't be able to deal with someone keep talking to me for the sake of it, similarly I wouldn't expect someone who evidently does need that to be miserable and tolerate it.

If I'd been questioned and the same response was being met with tears and upset ill be honest I'd probably do the same as he did and remove myself from the situation before it escalated.

I'm sorry he did that to you, especially while pregnant and emotionally vulnerable. He might be dealing with stress or depression or he might just be a nasty, selfish person.

I think you need marital counselling, or he needs individual therapy. But of course he probably won't want to do either because of the 'chat and drama'.

I'm sorry I don't have more advice for you, but please know that this is not ok. I feel really bad for you, and reading your posts hurt as a fellow lonely pregnant woman.

Just to add to the above, I know it won't solve this particular issue by any means, but if you want a pregnancy buddy to chat to, just let me know! It's horrible feeling alone at any time, but especially in pregnancy when you need that support...

My ex would literally physically shut down if I tried to talk about our big problem. Or if we were on the phone he would refuse to talk about it. It ended with him dumping me because of said problem.

Sorry, I realise that wasn’t helpful. What I meant to say is that refusing to talk and running away is not okay.

He sounds like a total word that rhymes with anchor. Hopefully he's insured, with any luck he'll drop dead while he's out drinking - because that's what he's doing at the very least - and you can have the insurance money.

This. It’s not normal behaviour.

but some nights, especially when it's something full on like holiday we both like to sit and read, watch something or do something alone I think the OP would be ok with "some" nights too, but it's been EVERY night of the holiday.

I imagine he will continue to pull this kind of thing until you eventually stop caring. At the moment he can manipulate you because you are still trying to make the relationship work.

How come the small hours bring out the arseholes on MN?

OP sounds pretty intense with wanting to call the police, repeatedly phoning when he's gone out for some peace. OP and children were somewhere safe it's not like he abandoned them somewhere or left OP with the children whilst they were awake. Not surprised he wanted a break from the drama Actually OP sounds pretty distressed. I would put money on the fact that he's behaved like this in the past. In a healthy relationship, if you want space, you say that to your partner and tell them you're going for a walk to clear you head and will be back in half an hour. You don't storm off in a huff for hours.

You missed the post where OP confirmed that he literally ran. Extraordinarily childish.

I've done similar in the past, sometimes things just get too much and I needed to distance myself from them. However at that time I had depression. Since I've been on meds I've not felt the needs.

I hope he's ok.

Why don't you learn to read updates instead of being deliberately spiteful?

If you're bored, go and read a book. It will help your comprehension skills