To think this is an awful way to treat teenagers - sports teams

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I have just had 16 year old ds in tears as he has spent the day, pretty much the whole day, with his cricket team and didn't bowl or bat the whole entire time. Apparently he fielded in a crap position too (can't remember the term he used because cricket is full of fucking stupid terms no one understands) and feels like he may as well not have been there. He's never been much of a crier and it has been heart-breaking to see him so upset and now I'm really fucking angry.

I completely understand that if others are better than him they're going to get more overs or whatever. I'm not suggesting he should have a turn at opening the batting. But would it really be such a fucking disaster for this fourth team if someone not quite as good as someone else who's probably not all that bowled a couple of overs?? Really? Would the earth stop turning if that happened? He says he played well last week and took a wicket so why nothing this week?

AIBU to think this is really shitty, especially with 16 year olds? DS has had exams all week and looked forward to this as a break and now it has left him feeling shit. Thank fuck his exams went well others god knows what state he would be in. If anyone/anyone's dh captains a team of this sort and can explain to me why this is any way ok I'd love to hear it. At least this match was only a 20 minute drive away. We've had it in the past where we've driven well over an hour for similar to happen. I wish ex had never got him in to cricket (just to take little to no interest in how he does for most of the time).

I hear you OP

This is the very worst side of sport. And then we wonder why so few adults continue with team games.

Hes also mid exams and that will be taking its toll. Feel for you both.

Whoever sorted out the batting and bowling order self-evidently didn't know in advance that they would lose. And even once it became apparent that they weren't doing too well, they presumably didn't want to make the loss worse. It may well be no reflection on OP's son as a player; it might have simply been the case that, for instance, he's a slow bowler and the other side's batsmen were making mincemeat of slow bowling, so the captain had to put the fastest bowlers on. Or vice versa.

I think that the underestimation of the importance of fielding is significant. If your team can't field you lose.

It's really frustrating to be a bowler at an easy dropped catch or where the ball goes for 4 runs or byes which should have been stopped.

A match can really turn on the strength of the field.

OP if your son is looking disinterested on the field and not giving 100% then he won't be in the best (most potentially expensive) fielding positions?

In my daughter's county training fielding is given as much prominence as either of the other 2 skills.

Of course everyone wants a go at batting and bowling but he needs to enjoy and be enthusiastic at fielding too if cricket is to be the sport for him.

OP i completely understand. Rounds/softball is a much better team sports game than selective cricket, as everyone gets a turn. I’m so wholeheartedly with you

if they are fielding a lot of outsiders - for whatever reason - he might want to look for a local cricket team that plays more for fun? it's a choker to realise that a sport you love is something you're not good at (me and tennis) but at that age it is competitive as fuck.

Sorry, OP. All you can do is be there while he gets over it. Because he will, eventually.

also, OP, how about being That Parent? If you think only the kids with pushy parents get to play, how does it make your son feel that you don't advocate for him? might that be an idea?

I am a parent of a cricket mad teenager and for 3 years all he did was field, especially for the 1st team. If the team was way ahead with the score he may get a go at batting or bowling. However on the Sunday team it is more of a development game/friendly and so those that don't get much of a look in on Saturday do get a go on Sunday.

It can most certainly be upsetting but you do have to put in the hours do the slog before you get to do more.

If the club itself is cliquey then it may be better to find another welcoming club at a lower league.

@caringcarer it’s fourths cricket. Who cares who wins.

it’s fourths cricket. Who cares who wins.
The players and the coach do.

By 16 they really should be able to advocate for themselves when issues like this present themselves. By all means, be there as a support, but my DD (same age) would be doing most of the talking tbh.

Is that how you speak to the coach?

Well that's the crux of the problem. Organised team sports should be accessible to every teenager. The goal should be participation, exercise, equality not disregarding the negative impact on mental health when not being picked. Why couldn't some consideration and common sense be applied, it is completely unnecessary to be so rigid and thoughtless when the boy is sitting his GCSE exams.

If you mean the swearing etc in my OP, no, it isn't how I speak to the coach. I have seen other parents, especially when ds was in juniors being extremely forthright. Don't think I've seen swearing but definitely strident behaviour, some of it directed straight at my ds when he was about 12 and a captain. Lovely behaviour. These are the parents whose dc dominate, so perhaps my lack of rudeness in rl is where I've gone wrong.

I agree that fielding is important so perhaps your DS could work on that. DS has had seasons where his batting wasn’t going so well but he always worked really hard on his fielding and took a lot of catches. We’ve got one of those little nets that you throw a ball into and it comes back at different angles. It’s great for practicing catching by yourself. DS also has a cricket ball on a string in the garden and he can be out there for ages hitting it.

The captains should be looking after the colts better IMO. I have been involved in the running of a club for years and this is something we believe is really important and do our best to ensure the transition to adult cricket is good for all involved. Although saying that we very rarely have colts playing their first adult match at 16, we would have integrated them earlier than that anyway.

I totally agree. Our 1st XI is in the 2nd highest Southern club league, our 4th XI are in the lowest county league. Our 4s are the development team and no way would our colts be treated like this. We have an unwritten rule that we have a maximum of 5 young colts (13-16 yos) then the rest has to be mostly over 19s. The colts always get a turn.

It's managed really well and they win more matches than they lose. They could get promotion as we do have a strong side but we ensure the kids get a game rather than going all out purely to win. The other 3 teams are ability based and not everyone will get much of a game depending on what is happening in a particular match but everyone understands this.

Its absolutely shit. We went through it but with football.

Was told they needed to have a good training session to get into the Saturday match, was told every week it was an outstanding training and in one season, played a total of 3 minutes. They made all the team go to matches yet they already picked the players and the subs. The kids would show up for practice and find other lads there training and then being played on Saturdays instead of them then not used again

At one point there were 32 lads showing up for games. Parents stopped showing up if they were not in the match or subs and the coach and Manager tried to fine them £10 a week if they didn't show up.

Its hugely competitive and I agree, just say the child isn't good enough then they can look for a new time.

We ended up complaining as we paid subs to the club for kit and pitch and found out that the coach and Manager were pocketing hundreds a month by fining for no shows (even though not playing or a sub) and fining £60 if you left mid season.

They tried it with us and that's when it all come to light and they both got sacked.

Since moved to another team and it's the same as in you won't always get a game but at least they tell you if you need to be there on match day and everyone gets field time through the season.

All of the players who spend 6-7 hours every Saturday do. They may be a fourth team in a competitive league. My DS left his old team where he played seconds cricket as not competitive enough for him. His new club where he is in his second season, the forth team is in the same league as the second team in his old club (league ten). The third team is in the same league as his old first team (league 6) The second team in his new club is in the (league 3) and the first team in the Premier League.

That set up only works if the other adts in the team are agreeable to not being bowled or batting up the order to give the younger ones turns. It tends to be older players who won't make the higher teams anymore but still love to play. This is clearly a development team. The team OP's son plays in does not sound like a development team. He needs to improve his game or change to a development team.

With you on this. If they don't want him to play because they're serious and he's not up to scratch that is one thing. If they are more of a 'for fun' team then he should get some time doing something fun.

But why should the other players all of whom are spending 6-7 hours on their Saturday not get to bowl all their overs if bowling well? Especially if they take more wickets and go for less runs than OP's son. Just imagine the conversation - Captain I'm taking you off X even though you bowled 8 overs, got 3 maidens and only went for 17 runs. X oh, why am I not being bowled out as normal? Captain 'so OP son can bowl 2 overs.

What a mean thing to say. Sport can mean a lot to everyone, including a teenager and why on earth shouldn't he be upset. You sound utterly charming.

I kind of agree with this. It's partly about finding the right team/inclusive club. Ours is extremely competitive up the teams, as I said our 1st team plays at a very high level but luckily we manage the teams well and communicate how it works to everyone involved. We also would tell those who wont get a game as they are not up to it. Everyone gets a decent game whilst still being competitive but communication is the key in my opinion.

The OP hasn't really given much info about what sort of level the team is. So her DS has the option to move elsewhere, speak to the captain to ask how it will generally work going forward, or suck it up. This would be what I would tell my DCs, I wouldn't expect a team to change because my DS was unhappy but I would expect them to communicate about it.

I think cricket from around the age of 15 is utterly brutal because unless the coach rotates the team, it can be deathly boring and soul destroying that you're not being played. In my experience they tend to play the players who are going to win for them but I think the fourth team should have a fair rotation, even at that age.

There is also absolutely no reason why he shouldn't get upset. That is unless there is a cut off point that most people aren't aware of where your feelings no longer matter. Ignore those posters OP. It's also really tough as a parent to see your DC upset.

They shouldn’t care @caringcarer about winning more than keeping the entire team involved. Your attitude is why cricket is dying at club level.