To think this is an awful way to treat teenagers - sports teams

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I have just had 16 year old ds in tears as he has spent the day, pretty much the whole day, with his cricket team and didn't bowl or bat the whole entire time. Apparently he fielded in a crap position too (can't remember the term he used because cricket is full of fucking stupid terms no one understands) and feels like he may as well not have been there. He's never been much of a crier and it has been heart-breaking to see him so upset and now I'm really fucking angry.

I completely understand that if others are better than him they're going to get more overs or whatever. I'm not suggesting he should have a turn at opening the batting. But would it really be such a fucking disaster for this fourth team if someone not quite as good as someone else who's probably not all that bowled a couple of overs?? Really? Would the earth stop turning if that happened? He says he played well last week and took a wicket so why nothing this week?

AIBU to think this is really shitty, especially with 16 year olds? DS has had exams all week and looked forward to this as a break and now it has left him feeling shit. Thank fuck his exams went well others god knows what state he would be in. If anyone/anyone's dh captains a team of this sort and can explain to me why this is any way ok I'd love to hear it. At least this match was only a 20 minute drive away. We've had it in the past where we've driven well over an hour for similar to happen. I wish ex had never got him in to cricket (just to take little to no interest in how he does for most of the time).

And in addition to this there are loads of players who aren't quite there yet at 16 but once they grow more and become stronger they can end up pretty decent players. We regularly have players who suddenly find their feet at about 19/20 or even older.

I am glad we don't encounter that sort of attitude at our club, we are well known for being inclusive but also our 1st team have 8 players who have come through our colts system that are playing every week.

For exactly the reasons I have stated again and again. I don't think team sport at the very young age of 11 onwards should wholly be about winning and for only for the best players over and over again. Why should an 11+ year old have the barrier of talent in the way of them ever playing organised team sport again. It is not right that it is inaccessible to so many and why should a child be pushed in to solo game like tennis, badminton or table tennis just because they are not the best! With music you wouldn't have that so you don't have to be Yo-Yo Ma or even grade 2 to play in the school orchestra at state school, you can take part in drama clubs without being the most talented of actors. Why is it different for organised team sports- popular ones in this country?

The goal should be participation, exercise, equality not disregarding the negative impact on mental health when not being picked.

There are lots of sports that offer exactly this kind of involvement. But competitive team sports don't. There is room for both options and it's up to the parents to steer the child in the direction that's right for them.

@PugInTheHouse that is the purpose of junior cricket. There are under 13's, under 15's, under 17's and under 19's and if OP's son wanted to play junior cricket this is where he could develop. Adult cricket is generally competitive and not developed squads. OP son should join a development squad if he is not good enough for competitive adult cricket or find a team that wants to play 'everyone has a turn cricket'. We should have room for both social and competitive cricket.

@Goldenbear many teams host a couple of friendly games each year for warmups early season, everyone playing would probably get a go at those games, just when it is a competitive game with points up for grabs your best bowlers bowl.

I get it op, I really do. But the only way to deal with this is for him to become a better player.

Does he do winter nets or have 1-1 training at an indoor centre? Because that's the most obvious solution.

Talk to the team manager/coach about it. Ask if it is worth it for him to continue at the club if he never gets to bowl/bat.

@caringcarer I am lost for words at your attitude. Don’t you realise that fourth and third team cricket is a step up for junior players to get experience of senior cricket? I would hate my dc to play cricket at your club. Your attitude is awful.

Your attitude is shit. You don't need to tell me anything about cricket thanks, I have managed all age groups and currently manage 3, including U17 and U19s. U17/19 is way more competitive than the lower league adults teams. I am also club secretary for the adult club. I know how it works and I think you're wrong. I have not specifically said that they are developmental squads I have said the kids still need to develop. I disagree with so much you are saying. There is a massive difference between high league only performance based and everyone gets a turn. I havent said the latter either, there is a middle ground.

The way you are talking makes it sound like you actually know nothing about how the sport is run and you think you know loads from watching your kids go through the teams.

100%, this is how it works it EVERY club I work with, which is a lot. Most start from 13/14 yo also. Some clubs are crap at it, but that is just poor management, not because they are so desperate to win but most are really good.

It's really shouldn't be, not in the 4ths. If a 16yo has made the effort to be there, as long as it's physically safe for him to play, then he should be involved. Anyway he's been playing since he was a child, I expect he's more than capable at that level

Exactly @PugInTheHouse That’s how it should work.

Definitely. In the whole time I have been at the club we have only had 2 kids who were unsafe and couldn't play. One at colts level and one going into adults. There aren't that many who aren't able to play in a 4th team. Regardless of how competitive you are, if you have a colts set up your lowest team should be able to accommodate them as they are still developing. Teams who don't have a colts set up, fair enough.

It doesn't sound like that is the case though from the OP, it seems he normally does get to bowl or bat just not this week.

That is the nature of the game.

@PugInTheHouse in my DS cricket club the third and fourth team is made up mostly of the under 17 and under 19 players you agree are competitive. They play in the fourths and thirds as a stepping stone to get into second team. You can't expect the same players who are playing age cricket playing in A teams, where my son's club has A and B teams, to suddenly not be competitive on a Saturday.

For God’s sake @caringcarer give up.

I expect you.like non competitive sports days too.

Well no, that's an opinion but it is not the only option and shouldn't be at this level, we are not talking about top athletes. It is not the only way to produce top athletes, Norway had that approach in the late 80s but after performing dismally in the Olympics decided to reform their approach to sports for children and teenagers and it is a winning formula. The concept is about the prize of taking part, not winning, not fearing failure. The success of performance is driven by the children/young people not the coaches and parents. This formula obviously works as despite being a country with a population of just over 5 million they won the most medals overall in the 2022 Winter Olympics - 37 and the most gold medals - 16, beating hands down countries as vast as China, the U.S.A, Canada, countries whose concept of competitive sport is aligned with your outlook and many others in this country. It is not just winter sports, they have the best athletes in the world in football, track and field and beach volleyball. There approach develops the person, that is the priority, it is inclusive and does consider the negative impact on mental health of fostering a competitive approach to training and participation.

It really, really doesn't have to be run in the way you are dogmatically advocating for but for that to change it needs to be at the level the OP's son is playing at. No parents don't have to discourage their children from competitive team sports an encourage them in to tennis or chess but people just accept that status quo. This is why we do have a problem with the health of our children in the UK, premature streaming in sports that sees children at 11 turned off and pursuing perhaps not much physically which is so incredibly damaging for development!

You just don't understand it though. You are repeating the same things and it doesn't make any sense. No one has said it's not competitive. No point in engaging woth you. You sound like you have purely watched from the sidelines and down actually know what really goes on.

I have a teenage DS who along with many others was rejected from team sports at 11, that was the school football team ashe wasn't good enough. The culture in school is what prevails for team sports post 11+ and it is shit! He is a pretty good player as we play family against family games with my brother and he is a brilliant football player as is my DH and my nephew was playing for the junior Spurs squad but the relentlessness of the coaching style at 9 was too much and he left! Despite my nephew's ability some posters on here would be laughably suggesting that competitive team sport is obviously not for him then, encourage him to go and ride a bike instead! 😂

You really are ridiculous @caringcarer My dc have played competitive sport all their lives to a very good standard and been captains etc. Pretty much everyone on here is the same and we are all saying that people like you are killing the game

Not all clubs ARE the same though, some clubs are more competitive and feed into county set ups than others. Some have 5 or 6 teams.

If all clubs behaved this way and never allowed a 16 year old a chance to bowl or bat (which incidentally is not the case for the OP) then yes the sport would be being killed.

If the club doesn't have the ethos that OPs DS enjoys then there are plenty around that they will.

And most clubs where the adults pay up DO have adults that also want a level of competition.

What the OP needs to do is find out the ethos of this particular club and to emphasis that sometimes, even on the least competitive team, you might not get to do exactly what you want as an individual because it is a team sport. Also fielding can be fun if you engage properly with it.

Any adult who plays fourth team cricket and is happy to hog the bowling during a seven hour game because they’re competitive needs to grow the fuck up.

Where does this choice of cricket team exist though, post 11+ if you are discussing playing cricket in teams in cities, not from a deprived background, where does the choice arise? This is fourth team cricket and the OP's son still doesn't get a look in because of the competitive sensibilities of the adults. IME it is the case with all the popular team sports, these options don't exist and there is predominantly the sorting of the wheat from the chaff. It is very much indicative of the outlook on organised team sports for children in this country.

Are you ignoring the replies from others on this thread that say that their teams focusing on bringing the juniors through? Unless the child is scared of the ball there is a level for everyone in cricket.