To think this is an awful way to treat teenagers - sports teams

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I have just had 16 year old ds in tears as he has spent the day, pretty much the whole day, with his cricket team and didn't bowl or bat the whole entire time. Apparently he fielded in a crap position too (can't remember the term he used because cricket is full of fucking stupid terms no one understands) and feels like he may as well not have been there. He's never been much of a crier and it has been heart-breaking to see him so upset and now I'm really fucking angry.

I completely understand that if others are better than him they're going to get more overs or whatever. I'm not suggesting he should have a turn at opening the batting. But would it really be such a fucking disaster for this fourth team if someone not quite as good as someone else who's probably not all that bowled a couple of overs?? Really? Would the earth stop turning if that happened? He says he played well last week and took a wicket so why nothing this week?

AIBU to think this is really shitty, especially with 16 year olds? DS has had exams all week and looked forward to this as a break and now it has left him feeling shit. Thank fuck his exams went well others god knows what state he would be in. If anyone/anyone's dh captains a team of this sort and can explain to me why this is any way ok I'd love to hear it. At least this match was only a 20 minute drive away. We've had it in the past where we've driven well over an hour for similar to happen. I wish ex had never got him in to cricket (just to take little to no interest in how he does for most of the time).

I really don’t understand the need of so many posters to enforce subservience and submission on other people’s children—why play a sport where you basically don’t ever get to do anything? For the dake of a team that barely knows you exist and treats your effort as meaningless?

OP’s son isn’t wrong to want to be more thsn a spectator, making up the numbers so more favored kids can do everything. I don’t think he needs to be scolded for having feelings or reminded he should accept his fate.

OP try to get him to move to another sport: swimming or tennis or anything where you play the entire time you are engaged. He might not be good enough for a team but at least he will develop his skill and be certain he doesn’t waste his time being there to serve as an audience for more favored kids.

The ECB rules don't allow one bowler to hog the bowling. Each bowler can only bowl 20 percent of the bowling.

Look in leagues 10 and 11 in some development squads and you will find plenty of clubs where 13 year olds just starting out in adult cricket are given opportunities and there are often a few older 50+ year olds who love playing but can't play at the very competitive levels any more and some less good players and they will play others of a similar standard. We don't know what league OP's son is playing in but the games get more competitive as you go up the league, though I've never seen a team that does not want to win. There are clubs that suit all players but @Goldenbear does not think any DC should be allowed to play in competitive clubs.

That's how cricket works unfortunately.

But a 16 year old crying because, basically, he "didn't get a turn" is a bit of an over-reaction. Surely he also knows how the game works by that point?

Time to either find another club that is "just for fun", or try another sport.

And fwiw, there are are plenty of "just for fun" clubs around. Case in point, my uncle, cousin and his son all play on the same team. Their ages are 75, 50 and 16.

Talk about willful misinterpretation, yes that is exactly what I was stating🙄

I'm sure that these teams exist but they are hardly extensive and this 'choice' you refer to is a false one as that isn't the case for many, many youngsters.

Except that it is not though is it or it doesn't have to be. I love these dismissive 'find another sport' comments when he is competent in he sport, why should he?

What is wrong with 16 year old boy's showing emotion over things that are disappointing in the context of stressful exam times? I mean, grow up, what adult gets a laugh over that as you are showing in your mocking tone.

At 16 sport is in the more serious stage. My DS has just finished u11s football and even at that age you can see it changing. I don’t know much about cricket but if he hasn’t had a go at batting isn’t that just because not everyone has been “out”? No idea about bowling!

But a 16 year old crying because, basically, he "didn't get a turn" is a bit of an over-reaction. Surely he also knows how the game works by that point?

Empathy overload here.

God alive. There is probably no age where you wouldn't feel shit for feeling left out. Whether you cry or not is irrelevant as people express emotions differently.

My OH played professional sport for 10 years and believe me crying is an option.

There are many issues at play here but having a cry isn't one of them.

@caringcarer i’m familiar with the ECB rules thank you. I also know the ECB would be absolutely cringing at the lack of self awareness you have demonstrated on this thread.

How does a bowler hog the bowling then? The captain decides who will bowl, and how many overs.

Oh god @caringcarer I give up with you.

It's not about cricket, or even about sport. Kids audition for roles in plays, parts in concerts and don't get what they want. They might not get published in the school magazine, or fail at public speaking/debating. They might not get into the Duke of Edinburgh programme.

There are a thousand ways kids might not get to do what they want.

They all face their own challenges. As parents, we teach them to deal with it either by accepting the outcome or by going back and trying harder next time.
It's not rocket science. You try, sometimes you fail. That's life.

There are a thousand ways kids might not get to do what they want.
They all face their own challenges. As parents, we teach them to deal with it either by accepting the outcome or by going back and trying harder next time.
It's not rocket science. You try, sometimes you fail. That's life.

And learning to deal with smaller disappointments helps to prepare them to cope when they hit a big disappointment - not getting into the university they want, not getting the job they want, not getting the girl (or boy) they want. Everyone has times when things don't go how they want. You can't fall apart every time, you have to get up and get on with life.

That’s spectacularly missing the point @CeliaNorth and @MusicInAWord I agree that failure is good for young people but in this case that would be getting out for a duck or being hit for six. Not standing in a field for seven hours on a Saturday watching a load of old men have fun. Nobody should mock a young man for crying either. Teenage hormones are funny things. Crying doesn’t mean you’ve fallen apart 😠

Crying doesn’t mean you’ve fallen apart 😠

And no doubt OPs son cracked on with more GCSES this week. There is nothing to indicate it was more than a wobbly moment.

No need for life lectures really.

Crying over this at 16. Kids a couple of years older are serving in the forces.
Get a grip.

Kids serving in the forces are allowed to cry too @Daisybuttercup12345 Do you know how mental health issues are a huge problem in the forces? That doesn’t mean they are weak. It just means they’re human. Idiot.

The two aren't mutually exclusive or do you think adults (which a 16 year old is not) do not cry when they are serving in the forces, ever? Is it not allowed in the armed forces- the men that cry, are they sent to military prison! 🙄

I am actually disgusted over people's attitudes on hear, honestly the comments about a young man crying over a disappointment. Get a fucking grip.

4 young men in my social circle have committed suicide this year alone, we have a huge mental health crisis going on generally. People get disappointed, sometimes they cry in frustration, that's completely normal. It's not like he had a tantrum and cried in the middle of the match FFS.

I agree, such a dangerous message to young men.

In this world we need more men that are emotionally intelligent that don't repress their feelings and release that stress in fighting and aggression. The boy was upset privately he didn't collapse on the field in the match. Are young people not even allowed that expression of sadness in private, what because he is a boy!

Crying over this at 16. Kids a couple of years older are serving in the forces.
Get a grip.

Pathetic answer

Exactly. My son is a musician also and has recently put on a gig specifically for a local mental health organisation, 3 of the people I mentioned were musicians and the other heavily involved in a sports team. I can only assume that the people making those comments do so because they have little experience in this area, hopefully they will educate themsevles of how bad things are at the moment.

We all try to hold things together, I have had an absolutely awful 18 months with one thing or another and hardly shed one tear, watched something sad on TV and absolutely sobbed. It was very cathartic.

it feels like they string him along just in case they need him at some point

I doubt they were "stringing him along". More like by the age of 16, they expect him to understand how substitution works.

Is he usually this sensitive? Maybe team sports are not his thing.