To think this is an awful way to treat teenagers - sports teams

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I have just had 16 year old ds in tears as he has spent the day, pretty much the whole day, with his cricket team and didn't bowl or bat the whole entire time. Apparently he fielded in a crap position too (can't remember the term he used because cricket is full of fucking stupid terms no one understands) and feels like he may as well not have been there. He's never been much of a crier and it has been heart-breaking to see him so upset and now I'm really fucking angry.

I completely understand that if others are better than him they're going to get more overs or whatever. I'm not suggesting he should have a turn at opening the batting. But would it really be such a fucking disaster for this fourth team if someone not quite as good as someone else who's probably not all that bowled a couple of overs?? Really? Would the earth stop turning if that happened? He says he played well last week and took a wicket so why nothing this week?

AIBU to think this is really shitty, especially with 16 year olds? DS has had exams all week and looked forward to this as a break and now it has left him feeling shit. Thank fuck his exams went well others god knows what state he would be in. If anyone/anyone's dh captains a team of this sort and can explain to me why this is any way ok I'd love to hear it. At least this match was only a 20 minute drive away. We've had it in the past where we've driven well over an hour for similar to happen. I wish ex had never got him in to cricket (just to take little to no interest in how he does for most of the time).

I sort of understand OP but he did field for half the match? So he played. But I get the fact that he doesn't have much time so wants ti spend it wisely.
DS plays rugby and always gets half a game even though he is the weakest player. He goes to every training session and the coach acknowledges that. The better players play the whole game. He is the same age.

My experience of arty/musical people is not that at all and it is down to the culture of British society, well it certainly was for the people I know who range from late 20s to mid 50s in the music and the arts.

We are literally discussing the competitiveness of small time teams in this country for teenagers, it is shockingly exclusive at that age I know I have a 16 year old and 12 year old. You can't be mediocre and you have to be 100 committed, not something all teens want to be just to bat a ball in a team on occasion!

Sorry but @Goldenbear you can do one! We have a 12 year old girl on our seconds team - first match of the season was against basically a team that had registered as seconds but was full of grown men who could/should be playing firsts. AND SHE BOWLED ONE OUT. How dare you say she's only there because the men don't have the physical prowess - she's got skill and ability, she bowled him. And she's bloody amazing.

That's the second consecutive post where you forgot to mention Nordic countries. You're slipping

i understand why he is frustrated, but perhaps he needs to reassess how important good fielding is.

it always frustrates me. My DS tends to bat at no 11 so he doesn’t bat for most games. Indeed when everyone sees him getting padded up we know we are in trouble!

And he tends to get sent out to the boundary to field, so he basically is standing by himself by the edge of the pitch. However, if I say it myself, he is a pretty good fielder. He is fast, and good at catching and throwing. In short, he is dependable.

I have lost count of the number of fours and singles that he has foiled. And although the parents watching tend to shout “great fielding”, fielders get none of the glory of a batsman or bowler.

Thank goodness someone else sees the sexism. I was starting to think it was only me!
My daughter has always been the best bowler in her mixed age group.

I don't think that @Goldenbear understands cricket or values competitive sport. Which is fine. The sexism not so much.

But they don't have the physical prowess. They range from sometimes 13 -70, overweight, it is not that demanding physically. A 13 year old girl couldn't play football in men's town team let alone professionally! I live in a city and like I said my DD was asked to take part in the girls Sussex county team after the school ran a term's session but she was interested. I do know that it is not just villages🙄

I guess it depends on the area you live. I am very artistic, it's always been my first love and I now work as an animator- but I've played netball since I was 13 and all through university and now into adulthood. None of the teams have been super competitive or have required a mammoth level of commitment. Of course there are more elite teams but there's always been a pretty good range and selection here.

OP I suspect this is the icing on the cake rather than the entire cake if he also has GCSEs etc going on. The advice above about having a lazy day tomorrow is good.

How is it sexist to reference a man's physical ability over a young girl's? Even in a game like cricket?

That is not to say your 13 year old is not talented, saying one thing that is factually true does not make a person sexist.

I was going to say ' typical cricket' and to suggest trying a different sport but then I read that your son really loves cricket.

I think it's a bitch of a sport for this sort of thing. It seems easy to fall through the cracks if you're in the bottom half of the team and insult to injury, you spend a whole day doing it.

Great if you do catch that 'one ball' all day when you're stood out in the slips but 🤷‍♀️ you know, boring and maybe for a 16 year old a dent to his pride.

I get his tears. He had a rubbish day and was hacked off. We all get those days. Especially after a stressy week and maybe that was part of the upset.

It doesn't sound that well managed to me. A good manager keeps the whole squad on side by giving out playing opportunities. Time wil tell if this match is balanced out with an opportunity to bowl or bat. It's frustrating in the meantime.

I hope it works out.

I am sorry he is upset but cricket is a slow game. The batsmen have to get out to move onto the next batsman...its not like football where you can sub someone on. And bowling is a specialist skill. I suspect most of the team did not get to bat or bowl. And he would know that - I would be questioning if something else happened or is happening in his life which he is projecting onto this cricket match.

re girls playing

just last night my DS’s opposition had a girl in the team.
They are 13 year olds so some of the fast bowlers are getting pretty large, strong and quick. She was a very effective spin bowler and excellent batsman.
One of the great things about cricket is that there is room for all sorts of skills and brute strength is not the be all and end all for the youth level.

Because you're wrong, @Goldenbear . You are talking about men having "physical prowess" and that therefore girls and women shouldn't even attempt to try and compete. Me and @lifeturnsonadime who actually watch girls play cricket know that it is about skill and technique and if the girls are bowling these magnificent specimens of masculinity out, then shock horror....the girls are better

I suppose if you get to play as a youth which seems vanishingly rare unless you want to live, breath and dream of the bat and ball!

Sorry but at 16 that’s the nature of sport. It does hurt. It made my son practice more when he was getting more bench time. Unfortunately by that age it’s long over that it’s a turn thing.

Asking the coach (who's probably a volunteer) to justify why they never switched the fielders around is nuts.
They most likely put the best players in the spots where they are most likely to catch. Play to win.

The Op asking why is likely to get the coaches back up and piss him off. Which isn't really going to help going forward.

If the boy wants to ask what he can do better / different might get a better response.
But ultimately if he's not good enough then he might be better to look for a different sport.

Hi OP,

DH captains our local 4th team. It's made up of kids aged 14 upwards, some dads, and a handful of other adults. There's a 16 year old boy in the team who didn't get to bat or bowl today. I really don't think it's the same team - no public school kids with mercs here, but I thought I'd have a stab at explaining what happened, because I imagine similar things happen quite often in cricket.

Team today was kid-heavier than usual. Three adults, eight kids. Seven kids wanted to bowl (one keeps wicket). They planned for order they would bowl - generally the batting team will start with their best batters, so some kids don't want to bowl the early overs. You do your bowling in a 'spell' of four or five overs, players tend to prefer this to bowling one over and having a break as they play themselves in and get better as they go. Today's opposition wasn't that strong in the end and they were bowled out in 16 overs (max is 40). So several bowlers didn't get their planned overs.

Our team then planned what order people would bat in - again, many kids don't want to go too high up the order as they face the best bowlers. (My son asked to bat at 5 or 6 out of 11.) One of our kids played brilliantly and got his best score ever, but because they were chasing a low score, only our.first three got a turn.

None of the adult men in our team did anything other than field.

So, it might be something like that (the fact your son got a wicket last week suggests he does get a turn sometimes!). Or it might be that the team prioritise the result over being inclusive (that definitely happens sometimes too!). But I wouldn't be furious on the basis of this one week, if that's all it is.

They are not 'magnificent specimens of masculinity' though that is the whole point. If they were, why don't you just make it a mixed game like snooker? Their physical weaknesses give other players an advantage. Why do we not see women compete with men at Lord's if it is all about skill? And actually yes, I have been to Lords and had to endure it for the day so rather patronising of you.

I take your point.

From our experience at u13 the first teams are made up of the kids who are good all round sportsmen who may do a few winter nets and then have cricket as their main summer sport but play football or rugby in the winter.

Then there are the ones who do
cricket all year round and are dedicated. It is really popular round here so you have to prove your worth.

DS spent years being a fielder then worked out that if he dropped down to the second team he would play a lower standard of cricket but would at least get a decent game. He refused to play for the first team and ended up as 2nd team captain for yrs7-10, had so much more fun and since the captain chooses the order in batting and bowling he made sure that the order was rotated each game. They didn’t always win but it kept the poorer cricketers interested and helped them improve.
He has been in the senior 2nd team for the last 3 yrs and they have the best time. Again, they make sure everyone gets a go and have won most of their matches. I think because they are so positive and inclusive they get the best out of everyone. They have a couple of 5th formers playing who were obviously nervous playing with the big boys ( upper and lower sixth formers) but they have encouraged them and supported them during the first few matches so they are becoming more confident with each game.
They still want to win but by making it fun it’s not a big deal if they don’t.
Like most sport cricket is full of massive egos and also parents with massive egos. They are difficult to circumvent so sometimes you just have to use a different approach.
DS felt he was being used to make up numbers and as s result wasn’t progressing or improving. He didn’t make himself popular with the head of cricket but he stood firm and as a result I’d still loving cricket.

IF this is a competitive club, then it isn't really reasonable to say it's 'only the fourth team' so it doesn't matter and everyone should get a go. The various teams will probably all be in different leagues, but they will still want to do well within their own league. Don't forget that everyone else on the team has given up their day to the match too, and they'd probably prefer to win it. I used to be in my club's fourth team (not cricket) we trained HARD (some were doing 8-10 training sessions a week fitted in around FT jobs) so any suggestion that we swap-in someone just so they could have a go, would have gone down like a lead balloon.

YABU, at 16 You know the score.

Just to add DS played cricket at school from age 7 and club cricket from age 8. He was very much one of the star players at club cricket, interestingly playing with many of the kids from school, but at school they didn’t see his potential. Same with rugby. He’s a quiet lad in a year group of big personalities so I think it was always a case of being a bit invisible. Fortunately he rated the club cricket higher than school cricket so didn’t let it worry him.
He has a very laid back attitude which comes across as not being that bothered , he is in fact very competitive but just doesn’t go round telling everyone.

Regardless of sport, regardless of age, regardless of talent, when you are paying subs to be in a club or team, no matter the sport, you should get an equal opportunity to take part. The 'it's competitive sports' I get, yes, but people don't improve not playing.

Maybe clubs should do reduced subs if you don't play a certain % of the matches. Shit managed clubs exclude and don't coach for improvement.

Women do play cricket at Lords.

Women's cricket is a thing. The best girls, the ones who want to compete at that level play men's cricket.

In fact because relatively few girls play cricket it's unlikely any woman has made it on to an international women's team without competing against men.

Yes men are physically stronger than women, we all know that but stop being dismissive of women's skill v men on the cricket pitch. It's one of the only sports where it is fair game for mixed teams because of the nature of the sport.

Thankfully most of the men who have girls or women on their teams are not as sexist as you are. They are respectful of the skills and physical prowess of girls who work hard to compete against them.