To think this is an awful way to treat teenagers - sports teams

[pinotnow]

I have just had 16 year old ds in tears as he has spent the day, pretty much the whole day, with his cricket team and didn't bowl or bat the whole entire time. Apparently he fielded in a crap position too (can't remember the term he used because cricket is full of fucking stupid terms no one understands) and feels like he may as well not have been there. He's never been much of a crier and it has been heart-breaking to see him so upset and now I'm really fucking angry.

I completely understand that if others are better than him they're going to get more overs or whatever. I'm not suggesting he should have a turn at opening the batting. But would it really be such a fucking disaster for this fourth team if someone not quite as good as someone else who's probably not all that bowled a couple of overs?? Really? Would the earth stop turning if that happened? He says he played well last week and took a wicket so why nothing this week?

AIBU to think this is really shitty, especially with 16 year olds? DS has had exams all week and looked forward to this as a break and now it has left him feeling shit. Thank fuck his exams went well others god knows what state he would be in. If anyone/anyone's dh captains a team of this sort and can explain to me why this is any way ok I'd love to hear it. At least this match was only a 20 minute drive away. We've had it in the past where we've driven well over an hour for similar to happen. I wish ex had never got him in to cricket (just to take little to no interest in how he does for most of the time).

Why do you feel it is necessary to reference 'boys' as opposed to 16 year girls who naturally will cry their eyes out! You are being ridiculous, holding on to outdate notions of masculinity or by making a virtue out of being emotionally stunted. Times have moved on, boys can cry now and they don't need to be shamed in to not doing so.

I'm sure we have all cried at things others might see as ridiculous, OP is asking for advice on how to support her son who IS upset by this. Nothing to suggest the solution is to say how bad he's been treated and that life is so unfair because of this one thing, but it'd surely be harmful to say don't be bloody ridiculous and grow up rather than providing balanced support.

Op I think I'd encourage him to look at what other sports and activities he can do.

Why should he though, why can't he just play cricket in some fourth team? Why the focus off the enjoyment and on to the winning in such a lowly team. Sport should be inclusive for young people, 'all' sport, there should be team sport that people can expect to play in, like there is in Nordic countries, I mean things can be done differently you know, do you have an imagination.

solidarity from another cricket mum. I hear you. I think I’m paying enormous subs to the club for my son to go to training and not get any game time.

@pinotnow my DH captains. He said that in the 4th 11s there has to be a balance between getting the points and everybody enjoying themselves, and that your DS absolutely is right to feel hard done by. He says that he looks at what everybody has done so far and moves players up/down the batting order etc so they get a go. Maybe your DS should look for a different club with a better ethos.

Op if this is an adult cricket match it is par for the course.

My DD is 13 and plays on a men's (now mixed 3rd team) along with playing on the girls county age side. Some of the adult (mens) matches she gets to bowl 9 overs and a bat and sometimes only 1 or two. It depends on the opposition.

Unless your son really loves cricket and understands that then I don't think cricket is the sport for him.

Why should he, why can't they adjust their thoughts on this?

Completely agree with all you have said, Goldenbear. I can see all this putting ds off sport/cricket all together, which is a shame. I mean it's a fourth team! And he took a wicket last week. Why couldn't he bowl even a little bit today?

And currently he is captaining the 2nd 11s but he still makes sure it's inclusive and everybody enjoys themselves especially the youngsters - yes they want to win but it's only village cricket at the end of the day.

Again, says a lot that a 13 year girl can match the adult men'a team. Why should the 16 year old only be involved in a sport if they are the best what about doing a sport for enjoyments sake.

@pinotnow i bet it’s not even all about the game, it’s probably the final straw during a stressful couple of weeks, nothing wrong with a 16 year old crying, can you get a treat take away of something, he probably needs a bit of downtime.

It seems particularly nonsensical when he was good enough last week. Also, i assume he's taking GCSES, a bit of compassion and understanding goes a long way.

He absolutely loves cricket - is one of the only kids in the club that loves watching it in all its formats and when I suggested just leaving the club, said 'but I love playing cricket - I just want to play!'

Even in an adult only cricket side the number of overs and the batting order depends on the player availability and the skills of the opposition.

Adult cricket is very different from junior cricket.

It's seen as quite a gentle sport but in reality it isn't, it can be quite ruthless. If adults are giving up all day Saturday then they want a competitive match. What they should do is explain all of this to the juniors, they should say why the OPs son got to bowl one week but not another so he understands the process.

Then it's up to him if he wants to play.

OP do they have any 20 over matches and play a youth team still? I would ask the club what their policies are on this to as it will differ club to club.

And he took a wicket last week. Why couldn't he bowl even a little bit today?

Because he took a wicket last week and the captain/coach wanted to give someone else a chance today?

Even Test cricketers sometimes spend the whole day in the field, never getting to bat or bowl.

(Anyone else thinking of The Cricket Term? Mr Tallboy!)

Cricket is terrible for this and the reason why loads of teenagers drop out. The difference between cricket and other sports is that cricket takes up a whole day. To stand in a field not getting a single over is ridiculous. The captain and the club are taking advantage of your son. No wonder teenagers usually drop out of the game. Don’t blame them at all.

Junior cricket was worse for him. He captained at one point (when he was 12 or 13) and got endless hassle from pushy parents who wanted their kids batting or wicket keeping. He hated it. When he got into the fourths he was really happy and said the atmosphere was better and less stressy without all the parents, but now it seems to have gone back to that.

Is there still a youth section? Does the club offer matches in a shorter format?

I think the transition from junior to adult cricket can be really challenging. Retaining juniors during the transition is difficult and this thread really highlights the issue. The tension is between keeping the side competitive and the adults interesting and developing junior players. I'd speak to them about it so at least your son understands the reasoning behind the captains decisions.

My DD was asked to join the Girl's Sussex county team after a term's worth of sessions run by the cricket club at the school as she demonstrated an aptitude for it but she didn't want to do it as she is an artist and musician and doesn't want to engage with many sports. She is an excellent long distance runner as well and there is a local athletics club but again not interested. I do wonder if it is the culture of competitiveness which put her off as you see it time and time again in this country, nothing has changed since my days at school in the 90s in that regard. She absolutely detests being compared and contrasted and good on her I say!

As a 16 year old girl, I bloody loved cricket. A whole team of hot sporty lads to flirt with, except the 2 out batting at any given time.

Pull the other one, not exactly at their fitness peak and if you can take part as a 13 year old girl, then it is obviously not that demanding.

To be fair as has been said clubs can vary wildly, plenty of creative people are also into sports! It's different for county level sports to be fair but for athletics and cricket in general plenty of options most places. Of course nothing wrong at all with not wanting to join any, but they're not all hyper competitive.

Goodness me, why so rude?

Are you suggesting my daughter's team must not be very competitive because a girl is on it?

I was with you, actually, with a lot of the sentiment of your posts until this one which is just nasty.

He captained at one point (when he was 12 or 13) and got endless hassle from pushy parents who wanted their kids batting or wicket keeping.

Is this not exactly what you are though? You are ‘upset’ and ‘fucking angry’ because your son didn’t get to do enough?