11 month old in restaurant

[Anoushkaka]

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

I've seen that, too - and worse, the mother just stuck the potty under the table until she'd finished her coffee and cake.

Dirty mare.

A baby banging a spoon in the table is normal play, you sound very miserable.

Yes, OP, this is very common in Britain. Parents are paying to eat in a cafe/ restaurant so of course their child can make as much mess as they want because well, they’re entitled to aren’t they? And the parents will tell you, very loudly, that it’s because they’re special in some way.
In Europe very different. Children are encouraged to sit quietly, join in conversation and eat in a civilised manner. My neighbours used to have a children’s table outside at summer Sunday lunch— older children not only served and helped the younger ones but corrected them too. No adult intervention needed. Oldest child was about 11, easily a dozen kids at the table.

Just because it's normal play doesn't mean it's appropriate in a restaurant. A small child scooting around is normal play, but would you consider it ok in a restaurant?

I don’t find this acceptable but does it bother me enough to have written a post on AIBU about it or would this incident be on my mind if I were in OP’s position, no and still am not fond of dog-friendly restaurants (dogs outside fine, inside no) because dogs are animals and people are allergic to them and being allergic to children is not a thing no matter how many people want to say it is.

I took my sons out to restaurants when they were babies, during quiet times, asked to be near the door and to pay after I finish ordering jic they became upset which rarely happened until my oldest (he’s autistic) was about 6-7 due to a restaurant being too loud and I took him out immediately and walked around with him until the food came. I ordered finger foods that was easy for them to pick up until they were able to use cutlery and made sure I tidied up after them having worked in a restaurant myself and taught not to leave a mess and have taught them the same

I highly doubt many parents don’t do the same things I did, and I have had very few run-ins with the type of parents OP and others have described and seen way more adults who don’t seem to have manners or a lick of self-awareness instead.

I've seen that in our local Cafe Nero. Called it out and the parent merely remarked that it was only a wee, and he was only small. Oh, that's OK then 🙄

I disagree. 2yos tantrum and scream regardless of whether you’re parent of the year or not. @TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain had taken her kids out between meal times arguably, at 4PM which tends to be quieter. What do you expect parents to do: not go to any restaurants until all their children have grown out of behaving like the toddlers they are? Pre-kids, my husband and I used to find kids a bit annoying in restaurants (we do now we have kids!) so we only had dinner rather than lunch in restaurants really and went to nice places after, say, 8 when young kids would be in bed. We also like Wagamama and places like that for lunch occasionally. They are family-friendly so we know we can hardly grumble much if toddlers are acting their age. Yes, I do agree that some parents don’t parent them and it’s rude when they leave a terrible mess for waiting staff to deal with but their behaviour is unpredictable in terms of tantrums and being loud.

Certainly is!

I would expect one of the parents to take the child out, which the poster subsequently said she did. Of course toddlers tantrum and scream, but it's not fair on other customers to simply sit there and allow it to ruin meals that other customers have paid for.

I remember seeing a mum do a big nappy sniff (followed by a scrunched up nose and nod) across on the next table while eating a curry… 🙈

Also, family friendly means that the restaurant allows children, and provides a children's menu, changing facilities, high chairs etc.
It doesn't mean that the restaurant is chiefly for children and that they can make as much noise and run around as much as they like. But unfortunately this is how some parents interpret it.

If mine do this, my husband regularly marches them out of restaurants and they have a few weeks/months (depending on the tantrum scale) without a nice treat lunch to somewhere like Wagamama which they seem to enjoy. 😁

Also, family friendly means that the restaurant allows children, and provides a children's menu, changing facilities, high chairs etc.
It doesn't mean that the restaurant is chiefly for children and that they can make as much noise and run around as much as they like. But unfortunately this is how some parents interpret it.
Yes yes yes!

The parents who think family friendly means a free for all and everyone else should expect wild children ruin it for the majority of families who want to enjoy a meal with their children.

Been a Nanny 20 years and yeah this generation of parents are pathetic.

I used to work for an organisation that had 'family friendly' policies. They had to change the term to 'work life balance' as some young parents took it to mean that they came first and everyone had to work around them.

Not all of them are but all this weedy 'baby knows best' nonsense is frankly hilarious. If you are happy with your baby eating like an animal, fine, just don't take them to restaurants where others who aren't quite so much in awe of your little darling, can enjoy a civilised meal without having to be subjected to it.

Health visitors discourage spoon feeding now as it's linked to childhood obesity.

Perhaps the parents weren’t aware they were affecting other customers? If you’re used to mess and noise with every meal at home, perhaps it just doesn’t register anymore, even when you’re out? My friends with kids have a much lower noise threshold than I do! Not excusing the behaviour, but it might not be a case of “entitled” parents not giving a damn about anyone else.

Ps: just posted that as fact, not in wild support. My first would only spoon feed 🤷🏻‍♀️

This sounds like what my 11 month old would do, he's just fussy and irritable like that. In this situation we would bring bread and cheese for him to feed himself as it's unlikely to make as much a mess as any other food he could eat. But it's hard to do exactly what the baby wants when they want when you're out trying to enjoy a meal yourselves too.
Perhaps a little patience OP and remember what it was like to have a little one

Spoon feeding or using a spoon ? Most 8 month olds can get a spoon to their own mouths if allowed to. Who really thinks you can eat Yoghurt or soup with your hands ?

*higher noise threshold

cant see how anyone could argue with this

Surprised you’re able to hold down that gig with your attitude, and lack of basic knowledge about babies. They are supposed to use their hands and experiment with textures/food.

Was prepared to say OP was unreasonable until the bit about banging things and pulling soil out of the plant pots. At that point you leave.

We did baby-led weaning but I wouldn't have picked such a messy meal while out and I would have given him small amounts on his tray at a time to manage the mess.

Obviously the baby should have been strapped in though and also not permitted to bash cutlery on the table.