11 month old in restaurant

[Anoushkaka]

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

Mine didn't. My baby is approaching 6 months and she recommended spoon feeding alongside finger foods.

Was our plan anyway.

Oh, and I always clean up any mess on tbe floor.

Of course it’s absolutely fine that children are allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want (and it’s always so so cute!).
The problem will be in 15-20 years time when they are eating without their parents in a restaurant and sit there pulling soil out of pots and unable to sit and have a conversation because they’re on their phones, because that’s all they’ve been taught to do!
You must remember that standards and manners are frowned upon these days!

Good point, well made

The problem with actual spoon-feeding (as opposed to giving your child a spoon and just letting them use it/not as they desire) is that when parents are presented with a bowl of food and a spoon, there is the desire to see that bowl of food finished, so they will keep spooning it up and often cajoling the child to eat, not even realising that's what they're doing - 'Only two more spoonfuls! Here comes the airplane, wheee', 'Open up!', with an empty bowl being the ideal outcome, which is all linked into babies ignoring the cues their body is sending that they are satisfied.

That's why I don't like it (as well as the fact we all eat the same meal together and having to spoon-feed a baby is an unnecessarily hassle when I just want to eat my own meal! DD2 is not overly patient about delays between spoonfuls, so I'd rather just let her eat at her own pace and be able to eat my own meal properly).

An 11mo can absolutely eat entire meals by themselves without adult assistance. DD2 eats the same thing we do: lasagne, bolognaise, chicken curry, fish, peanut chicken strips, pasta dishes, etc. The only 'accessible' stuff I do for her is to make sure her stuff is pre-cut into manageable portions where needed (so I'd quickly cut up a lasagne sheet so she wasn't trying to wrangle a whole one!) but otherwise she just gets on with it and doesn't require any help. When she's had enough, she stops eating.

Never once apologised to waiting staff for the mess. It was their whole attitude that stinked of entitlement.

But you said in your OP that they did say sorry to the staff. Personally, I'd rather have a confined baby messily eating than a screaming toddler running around the place.

I don't see the problem with messy eating so long as any mess is cleaned up.
My 3 year old still alternates between using cutlery (spoon or fork) and hands. If it's easier to eat with his hands he will use them instead and no amount of arguing will persuade him otherwise.
I think you are being precious regarding how they feed their child and strapping them in.

Running around the place being destructive however is where I draw the line and would either take them out or try to distract them.
You can't stop a young child from making noise.

Also kids always get there in the end. Just like there's this obsession with open cups and the 'right' kind of sippy cup to train them for open cup drinking, when it doesn't actually matter one bit. They watch and mimic and pick up behaviour and then try it themselves. They don't need to be spoon-fed to learn how to use a spoon. They watch other people, and eventually they do it for themselves. They don't need to be 'taught', they just need to be included at mealtimes and have access to cutlery. I think a bigger problem is that so many people feed babies on their own in their highchairs, they aren't part of family dinners, they don't get to see other people eating, they don't eat the same thing, etc. so they don't get to actually see the skills they need to learn.

Yes, 8 month olds can use a spoon themselves - of course they can. However, they can also use a spoon as a tool to make as much mess as possible.

Baby led weaning isn’t THAT new - we did it with my 8yo and it wasn’t new then. She was a perfect little eater, would use cutlery nicely well before she was 1, made very little mess.

My son was weaned in the exact same manner and I often need to wipe the CEILING after he eats. Cutlery is simply a tool for spreading more food.

There definitely has been more of a switch from feeding baby to letting baby feed themselves in the past 7 years.

We still let my son feed himself in public but he only gets cutlery at home, and we deliberately choose dry foods when out and about to minimise mess. And we pick anything up before we leave!

Yes of course an 11mo pulling soil out of a pot means they'll do exactly the same as an adult are you expecting the baby to say please and thank you as well?

First comment, and its this stupid.

It's OP's business because they are next to her in a public space, pissing off everyone with their inane ineffectual non parenting. It's also going to be everyones business as that child grows up and pisses off a great many more people.

Health visitors discourage spoon feeding now as it's linked to childhood obesity.

Biggest load of rubbish I've heard all day.

The babies are actually quite sweet. It's the stupid, self-centred and oblivious parents that are the problem. If they don't know how to behave in restaurants, they should stay at home.

I'm with you OP. I never allowed my DS to play with food, run around, not be strapped in. I think it's a modern parenting thing (and maybe older parents too) as mine is nearly 17 now.

@Hugasauras

The problem with actual spoon-feeding (as opposed to giving your child a spoon and just letting them use it/not as they desire) is that when parents are presented with a bowl of food and a spoon, there is the desire to see that bowl of food finished, so they will keep spooning it up and often cajoling the child to eat, not even realising that's what they're doing - 'Only two more spoonfuls! Here comes the airplane, wheee', 'Open up!', with an empty bowl being the ideal outcome, which is all linked into babies ignoring the cues their body is sending that they are satisfied.

It's perfectly possible to spoon feed your baby without doing any of that though.

This ^

When I had my first two health visitors advised weaning from 4 months. It's all about the latest 'fad'!

It is if you're aware of doing it. A lot of parents won't even notice they're doing it.

Health visitors discourage spoon feeding now as it's linked to childhood obesity.

Yep, this sounds like bollocks.

In my experience, all this is entirely child dependent. Some love to self feed, others prefer to be fed with a spoon. I doubt it makes any difference in the overall scheme of things.

At 11 months old??

Health visitors giving shitty advice to parents? Noooo way so surprising /sarcasm.

OP yes there are a lot of parents out there who have no regard for others unfortunately.

Agree it doesn't matter and depends on the baby. Think BLW is encouraged more because it encourages hand-eye coordination and playing with food, so the baby sees mealtimes as an enjoyable time and fun

This is baby led weaning and not a new thing. I fed my daughter this way 13 years ago.

Admitted if our we would have stuck to less sticky foods and kept to finger foods, but it is still how baby led weaning works. At 11 months it's more about experiencing food, tastes and textures not about how much goes in 🤷🏽‍♀️

It’s great that your child is eating so well.

Mine also eats really well, now on her own, but to start with she was spoon fed. BLW didn’t interest me in the slightest.

As you said, babies get their on their own anyway. Your way isn’t more superior than mine as can be demonstrated by the fact both kids eat well.

I feel like the parents who do that to the point of not noticing are going to do it no matter the feeding method honestly.

I was actually referring to my 3.5yo who is quite partial to a tantrum.