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AIBU?

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Original poster

11 month old in restaurant

576 replies

Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 14:00

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

OP posts:
VivaVivaa · 20/05/2023 15:55

Biscuitlover456 · 20/05/2023 15:49

I don’t enjoy it when babies throw food around and scream in restaurants. But in my experience it’s pretty rare to find people who will shamelessly let their kids riot. The vast majority of parents are very conscious of people around them and will sort things out when getting out of hand.

What is a million times worse is screaming tables of drunk adults making as much noise as humanly possible and then getting arsey when asked to keep it down. And sadly not that rare! Those people can get in the bin.

Couldn’t agree more. While I think an 11 month old should be parented better than described in the OP, the absolute hyperbole threads like this create is ridiculous. Most little kids (and their parents) are no trouble in restaurants whatsoever.

Eurodiva · 20/05/2023 15:57

Haywirecity · 20/05/2023 15:49

What it demonstrates is that people should keep their children at home until they're able to behave in a restaurant so that other paying customers can enjoy their meals.

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Agree. @@Haywirecity .

lenalemonade · 20/05/2023 15:58

This reply has been deleted

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This is the best post ever !-of course new parents deserve to be "judged",they are bringing up the next generation and there are certain standards that need to be maintained to allow everyone to live in a civilised society /it's not all about them and their precious baby .

Original poster
Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 15:59

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 20/05/2023 15:26

Classic judgemental brit hating on babies and children out in public.

Not a brit

OP posts:
LuckyPeonies · 20/05/2023 15:59

OP, at least they didn’t change his nappy on the table. 😀
But seriously, that sounds gross and I would have asked to be moved, if possible.

MayBeeJuneSoon · 20/05/2023 15:59

So who cleans up the wreck of a high chair after all this?

The parents I assume?

Floofydawg · 20/05/2023 16:00

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Bloody hell love. Take a chill pill.

Vintagejazzing · 20/05/2023 16:00

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 20/05/2023 15:51

I plonked him on my boob and ate one handed to save them listening to him so we didnt ruin anyone's meal, my husband did try to put him in the high chair and fasten him in but he screamed so I got up and took him out to save everyone else. Having kids shouldn't stop you living your life, our older 2 know how to behave in a restaurant because we have always gone to them and they learned how to behave in there. I'm sure our just turned 2 year old will get the hang of it too, in the meantime we will continue to eat out and enjoy ourselves with our kids.

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But that's not what you said in your original post.

Livinginanotherworld · 20/05/2023 16:02

There is a whole new generation of entitled parents these days…..clean up after your baby, don’t let toddlers run around busy restaurants screaming their heads off, and teach them to use their inside voices. Baby led weaning doesn’t mean give your baby mushy food to eat with it’s hands, offer finger food for the hands and load up spoon for the mushy stuff.
The number of kids put in front of an iPad with the sound on loud in restaurants continues to astound me, what on earth do they think we used to do with our kids before these essential and wonderful inventions ? Don’t be so lazy and parent properly.

Livinginanotherworld · 20/05/2023 16:04

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/05/2023 14:35

Give them actual finger foods and not food that's already mushed up for them to fling about?

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Teach it how to use a spoon….it’s not exactly rocket science is it ?

Floofydawg · 20/05/2023 16:05

I was in a 5 star hotel last year, eating outdoors in their restaurant, when a parent whipped out a potty for his kid to have a piss instead of taking him to the loo which was all of 10 feet away. If this is what parenting is now, I despair.

Freefall212 · 20/05/2023 16:08

I had a friend with a 'children are a blessing' mentality as she didn't think she could have kids so she just was in awe of her kids and thought everything they did was adorable and cute and funny. Her parenting goal was really to make them happy. One trip out for lunch pretty much ended our friendship as she truly though their disruptive antics were amusing. I realized we just weren't a good fit as friends. In a case like yours OP, I would just ask to be moved tables.

Original poster
Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 16:09

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/05/2023 15:34

Parents still need to guide them - and at least offer a spoon and encourage the baby to use it. Yes - food will end up up noses and in ears and hair and in every crease known to man, but using implements should be encouraged.

"Baby led weaning" isn't giving baby carte blanche to throw food all over and disturb other diners - it means offering baby a variety of suitable finger foods and allowing him/her to choose which to eat. That way baby will be keen to explore tastes and textures.

Mashed potato is NOT a finger food. Nor is ice cream. Some things need a spoon, and even if all you do is give your baby one to wave about while you fill another and feed him, s/he needs to learn to eat properly. In most cases babies will happily take a full spoon from you and pop it into their mouth while you fill the next one to give him/her.

The other vegetables on the plate may have been appropriate for the baby to eat himself - who knows. But certainly mashed potato and gravy isn't appropriate. The texture is such that it just encourages messy play, and it is also difficult to pick up and convey to a mouth.

I'm on @Anoushkaka 's side with this. I've seen babies of 7 months who eagerly feed themselves if the spoon is filled for them - it's a two-spoon jo, but that's a small price to pay.

And not strapping him in? that's just lazy parenting. Do they not strap him into his baby seat in the car if he fights it? It's stupid and dangerous - you would be surprised how quickly a baby can wriggle out of a highchair if unrestrained. They should be teaching him that when he goes into a highchair, he is strapped in. That's the protocol. He'll very soon get used to it.

An despite what the proud parents think, what that baby displayed were not signs of a great intellect; they were signs of poor, lazy parenting.

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100 percent, thank you.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 20/05/2023 16:11

Feeding itself and making a mess, fine.

Being allowed to roam/pull up soil, not!!

Fighterofthenightman1 · 20/05/2023 16:13

I'm pretty sure most of this will be exaggerated, especially what the parents apparently said

Sounds like you focused so much on this family you forgot to enjoy yourself

Original poster
Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 16:13

Leapintothelightning · 20/05/2023 15:46

You think an 11 month old who is able to feed himself should be spoon fed just to appease you?

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He couldn't feed himself though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 16:14

Fighterofthenightman1 · 20/05/2023 16:13

I'm pretty sure most of this will be exaggerated, especially what the parents apparently said

Sounds like you focused so much on this family you forgot to enjoy yourself

Definitely not exaggerated. Hard not to notice entitled and selfish behaviour from the parents.

OP posts:
Hellenabe · 20/05/2023 16:15

Honestly just depends on the parenting style, there's no right or wrong. My friend took her very wild kids to Nobu as her view is they are kids and why not let them experience it. Personally I'm the other extreme and waited till about 5 to take my children places. I'm probably too careful, she's too bohemian!

Vintagejazzing · 20/05/2023 16:16

Hellenabe · 20/05/2023 16:15

Honestly just depends on the parenting style, there's no right or wrong. My friend took her very wild kids to Nobu as her view is they are kids and why not let them experience it. Personally I'm the other extreme and waited till about 5 to take my children places. I'm probably too careful, she's too bohemian!

But there's considerate and inconsiderate parenting. Letting your child scream, shout, roam around restaurants etc is not bohemian, it's self absorbed and inconsiderate.

Blueberries7 · 20/05/2023 16:17

Neurodiversitydoctor · 20/05/2023 15:45

My oldest is 19 but fed himself at 11 months, surely this is normal ? Most 11 month old can get a spoon to their mouth ? Bizarre to be spoon feeding past around 6 or 7 months no ?

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This! I'd not expect an 11 month old to be solely spoon fed purees, they need texture by this point. As long as the parents are cleaning up after them it's no one's business at all how someone else's child is fed

And having done blw for 2 children I have not once been 'spattered' with food. If you have been, you are sitting too close to someone else's child.

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/05/2023 16:18

lenalemonade · 20/05/2023 15:58

This is the best post ever !-of course new parents deserve to be "judged",they are bringing up the next generation and there are certain standards that need to be maintained to allow everyone to live in a civilised society /it's not all about them and their precious baby .

Show quote history

If there was more "judgement" then society wouldn't be in the absolute hell state it is now.

It takes a village to raise a child, as they say.

KnittedCardi · 20/05/2023 16:19

Well, I would be judgy too. Sorry it's revolting. Baby led weaning is appropriate for finger foods, dry foods, not for wet sloppy food. It would put me off my meal. I am also older, so both mine were spoon fed. It does not lead to better eaters, it just repulses everyone else, and makes a mess for parents and staff to clear up. I just don't understand it at all.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 20/05/2023 16:19

TakeMeDancingNakedInTheRain · 20/05/2023 15:20

Spoon feeding is outdated, baby led weaning and putting food directly on their feeding tray is the thing. At 11 months old they still don't actually eat much it's still just about tasting and learning. I think as you say you have an 11 year old you have forgotten how hard it is with small kids. We went out a few weeks ago for a meal for my husband's birthday, it was a nice pub that kind of fancies itself but still a family place. We intentionally booked a 4pm early tea as we knew the kids would flag. Out youngest is 2 and had hit the wall he was a nightmare. The people seated near us did nothing but tut and give us dirty looks, we have children but we also wanted to eat out, our 7 and 5 year old are obviously perfectly behaved but a 2 year old hasn't mastered sitting still and quietly.

I think you've repressed what having a baby is like, I mean unless you had a super human baby who bypassed the entire infant stage?

I have an 18 month old and would take her out of the place in the situation you describe, I wouldn’t expect anyone else to have to listen to her carrying on despite us wanting to have a meal out. Having a baby was our decision and it should inconvenience my husband and I and not anyone else around us.

Also, baby led weaning is ‘the thing’ only if you want it to be. I didn’t want it to be so my baby was spoon fed, she now happily feeds herself.

DrManhattan · 20/05/2023 16:21

So much lazy parenting these days.

Violasaremyfavourite · 20/05/2023 16:21

Apart from one being a baby in a capsule beside our table (sleeping soundly), I cannot recall my children being in a restaurant till they could sit at a table and use cutlery (even if I had to help them cut up trickier things). I might have had coffee in a casual café with them in their pushchair having a bottle but I would have left immediately if they had started to cry. People go out to have a pleasant time rather than wanting to put up with other people's badly behaved children. And I see no evidence to suggest that the baby in question is going to mature to to sit nicely and eat tidily given the quality of parenting he is receiving. He is almost certainly going to grow up to be a rude little boy because he won't have been taught better.