11 month old in restaurant

[Anoushkaka]

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

[WhatATimeToBeAlive]

@Wenfy

Not your baby, not your business. Repeat this until you live and breathe it.

It is my business if affects the enjoyment of my (and others) precious free time.

[Avondale89]

I would suggest you care less about what other people are doing and pay less attention to them. You’ll live a happier life. Why would you expect everybody to live and act in a way that you deem acceptable? If they did, you’d never be able to feel superior.

This post is not about someone’s enjoyment at a restaurant, it’s a way for someone to be nasty and judgmental.

[Avondale89]

I’m also unclear why a restaurant is an adult space. A space in which any adult happens to be without a child? I think this could all be solved by going out with company that’s more entertaining, then the OP wouldn’t need to spend the entire time eavesdropping on other people. This entire thread reads like parody of mumsnet. Do you think men sit around arguing about this kind of irrelevant rubbish? Why are women so quick to judge?

[OutsideLookingOut]

@Avondale89

I’m also unclear why a restaurant is an adult space. A space in which any adult happens to be without a child? I think this could all be solved by going out with company that’s more entertaining, then the OP wouldn’t need to spend the entire time eavesdropping on other people. This entire thread reads like parody of mumsnet. Do you think men sit around arguing about this kind of irrelevant rubbish? Why are women so quick to judge?

Reddit r/entitledparents has both made and female posters :). Not all men are cool with parents not parenting their kids

[LolaSmiles]

I’m also unclear why a restaurant is an adult space. A space in which any adult happens to be without a child? I think this could all be solved by going out with company that’s more entertaining, then the OP wouldn’t need to spend the entire time eavesdropping on other people. This entire thread reads like parody of mumsnet. Do you think men sit around arguing about this kind of irrelevant rubbish? Why are women so quick to judge?
It's not an adult space, but it is a public space, which means it's reasonable to show the tiniest bit of consideration for other people.

Unfortunately when people are inconsiderate it's not a question of eavesdropping. The people who are inconsiderate make it fairly difficult to miss their unreasonable and inconsiderate behaviour (whether that's a parent cooing about their advanced child tipping gravy everywhere or the man on the train having a loud conversation at the top of his lungs).

Plenty of men also have no time for parents who gush over their child flinging food about the place either.

This isn't about women judging.

It's PEOPLE thinking that other adults (male or female) should actually parent their children in public spaces.

[Livinginanotherworld]

@Newmum0322

So how would you control an 11 month old then? I’m really genuinely interested in how parents would keep their 11 month old children from screaming in the high chair back in your day?

…..by taking the baby outside to calm down, if still screaming then you leave and go home. Have your meal boxed to go if necessary. You don’t inconvenience the entire restaurant just because you can’t control your child. Ffs, do people really not know how to parent these days ?

[TeaAndBrie]

I’m completely with you on this, we went to dinner at the weekend and a family with 3 children made such a mess (only one in a high chair) that it took 2 staff members 20 minutes to tidy up after they had gone.
you will never get a fair hearing on mumsnet though and will be branded a child-hater who is emotionally abusing their child for trying to have rules and standards.
its the same if you ever mention children don’t need devices on at top volume in restaurants.

[Wenfy]

@Livinginanotherworld

…..by taking the baby outside to calm down, if still screaming then you leave and go home. Have your meal boxed to go if necessary. You don’t inconvenience the entire restaurant just because you can’t control your child. Ffs, do people really not know how to parent these days ?

Actually until I was 5 it was commonplace and considered ‘normal’ for kids to be left in cars or at home for hours while their parents went to restaurants and pubs alone. That is how it was done in the old days. Parenting as we see it now was for babies - as soon as a child could hold in their bowels and walk they were mostly neglected.

[GingerCoi]

@Wenfy how old are you, if you don't mind the question?

I have never experienced that being commonplace. Certainly, nobody on this thread is saying that would be ok and it's rather an extreme response to imply that those of us who choose to parent with consideration for others in public places would prefer babies and children to be left alone in cars and homes.

[SparklyBlackKitten]

There should be laws against lazy parents. And also against bringing babies and toddlers to nice restaurants 😅

[wildinthecountry]

@Wenfy I'm in my fifties and was never left home alone while parents went to pub . Neither were my children left , in their late twenties .
That might have been commonplace in some parts of society but it wasn't the norm .

[DemonicCaveMaggot]

I am in my 50's and I wasn't left at home while my parents went down the pub or out for a meal, and neither were any of my friends. We just didn't eat out until my mother thought I could behave nicely in a restaurant, which was when I was about 4. Our neighbours didn't eat out much at all, and we only ate out because my father got luncheon vouchers from the diners club as a work perk so we got to go to an indian restaurant once a month.

[letthemalldoone]

@Wenfy

Actually until I was 5 it was commonplace and considered ‘normal’ for kids to be left in cars or at home for hours while their parents went to restaurants and pubs alone. That is how it was done in the old days. Parenting as we see it now was for babies - as soon as a child could hold in their bowels and walk they were mostly neglected.

Nonsense! My parents never went to restaurants or bars.

[Emotionalsupportviper]

@Dazedandbemused0

The one thing I don’t miss about the UK since moving abroad is this miserable unnecessary bloody attitude towards babies and young children that people like you have. I’ve never experienced in it any other country in the world - the idea that babies and children are nuisances who can spoil a strangers whole evening just by existing! Babies make a mess, they make noise … so? Don’t look? Are you so upset by other adults existing or is it only babies who piss you off? Babies and young children have every right to exist in spaces where adults are for goodness sake. If you don’t like their existence then you bloody stay in! Why should their parents?! It doesn’t sound like this parent did anything wrong except have a baby who behaved in a totally normal way for their age. YABVVVVVVU but then so are like half the UK population who have this shit attitude towards kids. HTH.

The one thing I don’t miss about the UK since moving abroad is this miserable unnecessary bloody attitude towards babies and young children that people like you have. I’ve never experienced in it any other country in the world

I haven't either.

You know what else I've never experienced any other country in the world? Badly behaved children running riot, and parents who think that their kids have a God-given right to ruin other people's evenings.

When I've been in restaurants (from cheap to expensive) in Europe children are welcomed and encouraged to feed themselves properly. Parents don't allow even small babies to throw food; young children are taught how to conduct themselves in public; older children are expected to know how to conduct themselves, and to behave accordingly.

There is a huge difference between including children and indulging them.

[Emotionalsupportviper]

@LolaSmiles

baby led weaning has to be messyn.
That is the point - to let them explore flavours and textures without interfering. It’s good for them. Helps to build independance. And it’s babies with sen like my dd who has ASD who often refuse to do it for cleanliness or texture issues (she spoonfed herself from 7 months - we even got a special spoon to let her do it).
The point of BLW isn't to make a mess (though as I've said throughout the thread a bit of mess when weaning is entirely normal).

I said BLW doesn't have to be a messy free for all, and it doesn't.

Common sense says that as the adults we take some responsibility for meal times and set our children up for success.

Ordering a load of gravy for an 11 month old to fling around a restaurant as the parents gush over how amazing their child is is not BLW. It's lazy parenting.

Plenty of parents do BLW by choosing food that's appropriate for the child's age and the context they're eating.

E.g. save the food with lots of sauce for home, not in the middle of a restaurant if there's zero intention to step in and prevent food being thrown all over.
E.g. choose to bring finger foods and /or order finger foods
E.g. put a few crispy snacks/rice cakes on the high chair tray, along with other items for DC to choose from and feel, rather than giving a 1 year old a whole packet (which will inevitably end up crushed everywhere because they're 1)

It's not the children's fault they have the impulse control of a toddler. It is the parents' responsibility to apply common sense and not set their children up to fail.

I said BLW doesn't have to be a messy free for all, and it doesn't.

Thank you - i said similar. I think a lot of people are doing BLW incorrectly. Some foods are suitable, others aren't - anything "liquid-y" isn't.

[Ungratefulorunreasonable]

@Emotionalsupportviper

I said BLW doesn't have to be a messy free for all, and it doesn't.

Thank you - i said similar. I think a lot of people are doing BLW incorrectly. Some foods are suitable, others aren't - anything "liquid-y" isn't.

If you are doing baby-led weaning you aren't spoonfeeding at all, so yes, even liquidy foods are suitable.

Not in a restaurant, but in your home. In a restaurant I wouldn't order something liquidy for a baby doing blw, I'd just give them some of my meal.

[Emotionalsupportviper]

Agree @Achwheesht .

It's not a matter of giving them anything and everything to pick up by hand, but of offering them a range of foods and textures and seeing what they enjoy.

Some foods are suitable for fingers, some need a spoon, and that spoon can be filled and given to the baby to feed himself. Babies find it hard to load spoons, but quickly learn to put one into their mouth.

[Wenfy]

No, you get a child to teeth / play with a small dipping spoon from 3-4 months old (supervised) so they can figure out which side is which. Then after a while you introduce it at meal times and kids learn so much more quickly. Both my DC were using spoons to eat porridge or dal by themselves by 8 mths. Forks took a bit longer (2 years).

[Bluebells1970]

People just don't have any manners anymore, OP.

Baby led weaning isn't for public restaurants - DD used to work as a waitress and was often left the most horrendous mess to clear up, sunday lunchtimes were the worst.

[SouthLondonMum22]

Even with mashed/purees, the recommendation is still 6 months.

I have no plans to blw but mine is 6 months next week and we won't start until then.

[Katandbabe]

This sounds like our parenting style. It’s letting your kid learn through self discovery, letting them discover food with all their senses. Weaning isn’t just food on a spoon anymore.

It is a shame you didn’t think the cup was age appropriate and couldn’t see past your initial judgement as they may have been trying to teach their little one a new method to drink and that could be for many reasons including disability or it could be a sensory challenge they’ve recognised in their little one with other types of cups. Our boy had an over active gag reflex meaning he couldn’t use baby cups that rely on suction so we had to give him open cups from a young age which caused no end of mess. But in the grand scheme of things it was a few months out of his entire life. It was actually more work for us to do it this way but it was right for him, so actually I think the parents sound like the selfless ones in this scenario.

[Macaroni46]

@Katandbabe

This sounds like our parenting style. It’s letting your kid learn through self discovery, letting them discover food with all their senses. Weaning isn’t just food on a spoon anymore.

It is a shame you didn’t think the cup was age appropriate and couldn’t see past your initial judgement as they may have been trying to teach their little one a new method to drink and that could be for many reasons including disability or it could be a sensory challenge they’ve recognised in their little one with other types of cups. Our boy had an over active gag reflex meaning he couldn’t use baby cups that rely on suction so we had to give him open cups from a young age which caused no end of mess. But in the grand scheme of things it was a few months out of his entire life. It was actually more work for us to do it this way but it was right for him, so actually I think the parents sound like the selfless ones in this scenario.

Fine ... but not in a restaurant.

[Violinist64]

@Macaroni46

Fine ... but not in a restaurant.

Hear, hear.