11 month old in restaurant

[Anoushkaka]

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

[Violinist64]

I was having coffee with my husband and friends the other day and there were two women with their babies, one around 18 months and the other around 11 months. The younger one was fine at first but became bored and started squawking then let rip with full-throated yells. The mother kept trying to rock him while talking to her friend but he was having none of it. About half an hour later they left. I wear two hearing aids and background noise can be problematic at the best of times but this was on a different level. Our group all agreed how selfish this young woman was. I agree with you, OP. The family had every right to be there but not at the expense of everyone else's enjoyment. Baby led weaning might be all the rage at the moment but, until the very messy stage has passed, the baby should eat at home. Also, not being strapped in is a safety issue. When my children were small, there were some things that were non-negotiable and this is one of those areas.

[MrsR87]

@Anoushkaka

It was hard not to notice. Babies make mess but surely it's lazy parenting to just let an 11 month old feed themselves so you can't enjoy your own meal. I doubt he even got any in his mouth.

You’ve clearly never heard of baby led weaning. The whole point is that babies feed themselves; firstly with fingers and hands and then progressing naturally on to cutlery. We did it with our two year old who now eats very well with a knife and fork and we are currently doing it with our nine month old and although we would always give her a spoon with foods like mash, she reverts to hands when she’s not getting it in quick
enough. It does make a mess! However,
whenever we’ve taken them to a restaurant, we’ve taken a coverall bib that can be wiped and folded into a carrier bag once the meal is over. So, we don’t really leave a mess and if anything did happen to go on the floor, we would pick up the bits and apologise. Although, in our experience the staff love the fact that the baby is eating such an array of food by themselves, they havent batted an eyelid. We’d also be mindful of what we ordered for them too and avoid the messiest of foods. I can assure you that feeding your baby like this is not lazy parenting for most; it actually takes a lot of effort.

I agree with you that the baby should have been strapped into the chair and it does sound like the parents weren’t prepared to clean up the mess which I think isn’t acceptable. However, don’t be down on baby led weaning; it’s great!

[LittleBearPad]

@TheyAreMyBhunasPete

"Risk going to a restaurant" what's the risk? Someone might not like sitting next to someone elses kids and may turn their nose up at them? Sounds like it's not the "entitled parents" that are the entitled ones.

What being entitled to enjoy a meal without a toddler smearing food everywhere?

You’ve got a low bar there.

[TheyAreMyBhunasPete]

@MargotBamborough

I can tell you now that if a child behaved like this in a restaurant in France the other customers wouldn't hold back in saying what they thought about it.

italy or Spain are great, they are less intolerant/entitled than we are

[LaGiaconda]

How do children learn to eat with a knife and fork, if they don't get used to first being spoonfed and then using a spoon themselves?

Absolutely get that finger foods are part of learning to eat....

[Reugny]

@Oysterbabe

That baby was having 9g of salt a day, 150% of the amount recommended daily amount for adults. A bit of gravy in a restaurant won't hurt.

You do know how salty restaurant food is?

It is has more salt in it than what you cook with at home.

[TheyAreMyBhunasPete]

@LittleBearPad

What being entitled to enjoy a meal without a toddler smearing food everywhere?

You’ve got a low bar there.

I tend to mind my own business and not expect everyone to pander to me when I go out

[MargotBamborough]

@TheyAreMyBhunasPete

"Risk going to a restaurant" what's the risk? Someone might not like sitting next to someone elses kids and may turn their nose up at them? Sounds like it's not the "entitled parents" that are the entitled ones.

The risk of your little darling ruining the meal for everyone else around?

I mean, I get why you might not see that as a risk if you just don't care about the impact of your behaviour on others, but I do.

[Hugasauras]

Both of ours have come out to restaurants since babies with us. Neither have had tantrums, thrown food about, been left to bang stuff. But they have occasionally made a mess when eating that I've then cleaned up after 🤷‍♀️ DD1 is 4 now and I can take her anywhere, even 'nice' places as she behaves impeccably. DD2 is 11mo and is fine to take to family or chain restaurants. She might give the odd excited baby squeal but that's about it.

I tend not to order stuff that requires spoon feeding because a)DD2 prefers doing it herself (she's free to use her own spoon and she does sometimes use it to varying effect) and b) it's less enjoyable for me or DH to be constantly feeding them when our own meals are out, but DD2 will easily eat stuff like macaroni cheese with her hands. Same at home. She just wears a bib that covers her whole upper body and arms and I stick it in a wet bag at the end of the meal.

[Kiwimommyinlondon]

They sound appalling. Honestly, parents like that should be seen and not heard, never mind the kid.

[TheyAreMyBhunasPete]

@Reugny

You do know how salty restaurant food is?

It is has more salt in it than what you cook with at home.

Yes but once absolutely won't hurt

[Hugasauras]

@LaGiaconda

How do children learn to eat with a knife and fork, if they don't get used to first being spoonfed and then using a spoon themselves?

Absolutely get that finger foods are part of learning to eat....

They just do. We never spoon fed DD1 and she learned how to use a spoon just fine when she got older and had the fine motor control to do it herself. Do you meet adults eating soup with their hands?

[LadyWiddiothethird]

Baby led weaning!! The world is going mad! I would have said something if I had been there,not acceptable when in a Restaurant with other diners.Who wants to eat a meal with that going on!Fine,do what you like at home,just throw the food on the floor and let baby help themselves.Not in a Restaurant.

Such a selfish attitude people have now.

[Lavenderflower]

This is becoming the new norm. I think it one thing to do baby led weaning with mushy food at home. It's another do this in public at the restaurant. I would be very annoyed in a parent did that I a restaurant I owned. I think babies benefit from different way of being fed. Baby led weaning can lead to nutritional deficiencies as children like to play with their food and they generally eat more if they are supported.

[MargotBamborough]

@TheyAreMyBhunasPete

italy or Spain are great, they are less intolerant/entitled than we are

I never said children aren't welcome in restaurants in France.

But French parents are clearly better at teaching their children how to behave in them.

[letthemalldoone]

@TheyAreMyBhunasPete

You martyr yourself if you want but everyone else with babies shouldn't

I think you will find it's called 'considerateness'.

Maybe try it?

[Haywirecity]

@TheyAreMyBhunasPete

Classic judgemental brit hating on babies and children out in public.

I've no problem with children in public. I do have a problem with a child sat at a table next to me, splashing food around.

[Hugasauras]

@Lavenderflower

This is becoming the new norm. I think it one thing to do baby led weaning with mushy food at home. It's another do this in public at the restaurant. I would be very annoyed in a parent did that I a restaurant I owned. I think babies benefit from different way of being fed. Baby led weaning can lead to nutritional deficiencies as children like to play with their food and they generally eat more if they are supported.

On the flip side, spoon feeding can lead children to ignore their full cues. It's very common for parents to do the 'Just two more spoons!' stuff when spoon-feeding their kids, which seems harmless but is ignoring their child's signals that they are satiated.

[Reugny]

@TheyAreMyBhunasPete

Yes but once absolutely won't hurt

It won't be once though.

Added to that do you really want your baby getting a taste for salty food?

[Allthegoodnamesarechosen]

@MargotBamborough

I can tell you now that if a child behaved like this in a restaurant in France the other customers wouldn't hold back in saying what they thought about it.

And in Italy. Parents in restaurant in Bologna ejected after their baby screamed and threw its dinner around. Other diners expressed approbation.

They were there to enjoy their meal, not participate in someone else’s performative parenting

[letthemalldoone]

@Violinist64

I was having coffee with my husband and friends the other day and there were two women with their babies, one around 18 months and the other around 11 months. The younger one was fine at first but became bored and started squawking then let rip with full-throated yells. The mother kept trying to rock him while talking to her friend but he was having none of it. About half an hour later they left. I wear two hearing aids and background noise can be problematic at the best of times but this was on a different level. Our group all agreed how selfish this young woman was. I agree with you, OP. The family had every right to be there but not at the expense of everyone else's enjoyment. Baby led weaning might be all the rage at the moment but, until the very messy stage has passed, the baby should eat at home. Also, not being strapped in is a safety issue. When my children were small, there were some things that were non-negotiable and this is one of those areas.

!00%!

I wonder, does their logic extend to his car seat? I mean, if he doesn't like to be strapped in?!!

[Neurodiversitydoctor]

@Anoushkaka

It was hard not to notice. Babies make mess but surely it's lazy parenting to just let an 11 month old feed themselves so you can't enjoy your own meal. I doubt he even got any in his mouth.

My oldest is 19 but fed himself at 11 months, surely this is normal ? Most 11 month old can get a spoon to their mouth ? Bizarre to be spoon feeding past around 6 or 7 months no ?

[Leapintothelightning]

@Anoushkaka

It was hard not to notice. Babies make mess but surely it's lazy parenting to just let an 11 month old feed themselves so you can't enjoy your own meal. I doubt he even got any in his mouth.

You think an 11 month old who is able to feed himself should be spoon fed just to appease you?

[Hugasauras]

An 11mo absolutely can feed themself an entire meal! If they can't get anything in their mouth at 11mo, that's one for the health visitor I think.