11 month old in restaurant

[Anoushkaka]

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

It's called baby led weaning. It's the standard approach now advised by health visitors in my area.
The problem is that some parents seem to think is they say "baby led weaning" is some sort of free pass to make a mess wherever they go and everyone has to look on adoringly and not be irritated by obvious poor parenting.

Provided that the parents clear the high chair and the mess, then he’s just a baby being a baby. The issue is when parents leave an absolute state all over the high chair and floor for some poor member of staff to clean.
Going to allow your baby to make an almighty mess? Fine. But clean it up before you go.

Exactly!

When people aren't allowed to vent in mild and minor ways, they find the rage building up until they explode!

I'm not saying I'm like that - not at all - but I will say it's lucky we don't keep guns in the house.

Just sayin' . . .

I didn’t like blw so did spoon feeding - less mess and waste. Everyone can have their own preferences but shouldn’t affect others in a restaurant.

Crating a mess in a restaurant fir staff to clear up and scattering soil from a pot plant is a normal part of BLW?

really?

I loathe these kind of comments. It is like you are discussing a fully grown teenager, and not tiny children just venturing out of babyhood. You sound ridiculous and smug, you do know that right?

So how would you control an 11 month old then? I’m really genuinely interested in how parents would keep their 11 month old children from screaming in the high chair back in your day?

I didn’t like blw so did spoon feeding - less mess and waste. Everyone can have their own preferences but shouldn’t affect others in a restaurant
Agree with you. We did a mix of finger food and purées.
If we ordered finger food when out then it would be proper finger food, not a load soft mushy foods to throw, squash and make a mess everywhere.

I would not have taken my eleven month old to a restaurant if he/she were going to scream in high chair. They were used to their high chairs at home so why would they need to scream in a restaurant? I wouldn't have taken them to a restaurant if they were overtired and I always took finger foods with us and they would try a bit of what we were eating off a spoon if messy. If they ever cried, one of us would take them out. It wasn't fair to other people trying to enjoy a meal. Both are pretty perfectly formed young adults now. Spoons were not the Devil's spawn FFS!

Yep, and you're as entitled to make as much mess as you like doing it in your own home. You're not entitled to come to a restaurant, allow your baby to make excessive mess, allow your child to run riot grabbing soil out of plants and generally spoil the experience for other paying customers. Nobody said the baby shouldn't have been there but that is fucking awful, entitled parenting.

Take them out for a break if they are crying. If it continues then leave.

Off the top of my head, I can't think of any pubs round my way that are child-free. I live in a small town in a rural area, so the only other choices are Pizza Express and Ask.

Maybe high end restaurants are child-free, but they'd be prohibitively expensive, and I don't think there are any of those in the area anyway. There's a posh hotel, but we probably wouldn't have met the dress code, even if we could afford the prices!

I agree, it's disgusting and I've seen it in restaurants too. People scream "baby led weaning" and ignore that you're supposed to give appropriate finger food 🙄

This.

Although I’m a bit sceptical about how awful these parents were as it sounds like op just took against them because they don’t use the same feeding technique she used for her own kids.

Genuine question - why is it any of your business? Did it interfere with your enjoyment of your meal? It doesn't sound like anything they did was truly disruptive to you so on that basis YABU to be so invested to literally make a mental note of every single solitary thing the parent and child did. Next time just mind your own business and concentrate on yourself and your meal.

Banging cutlery and digging in plant pots is atrocious behaviour in a restaurant. Atrocious behaviour by the adults involved. The child doesn't know any better but the parents should. Of course you would notice it.

My children were used to being in a high chair. I would have had some small toys and books for them to look at and they would have had some food that they could eat without making a mess. Babies of this age understand the word no. If they start banging cutlery you take it away from them with the word "no." If they start screaming you take them out. In fact, you should never get to the point where they start screaming. Once they show signs of boredom or being upset and are past the stage of being distracted you put them in the pram and walk outside with them. Hopefully they will go to sleep at which point you can rejoin the gathering. We didn't often go out for meals when our children were small because we couldn't afford it but there were several weddings and family events. We always tried to show consideration for everyone else. It is called parenting.

Accidents happen but it does sound like they were allowing him to get into everything and them thinking how adorable instead of apologising and offering to clean up the soil.

Wtf is wrong with you? How is it lazy parenting to let an 11 month old feed themselves? It’s developmentally appropriate. It’s also developmentally appropriate for them to make a mess. Children shouldn’t be strapped in whilst eating- it’s a choking risk.

Appropriate finger food includes mash! Especially at 11months old. It starts out as baton style, finger length food but once they've got the hang of that then anything goes. Alongside cutlery that they may of may not use.

I really don't think the BLW was an issue here, just the parents blatant disregard for restaurant etiquette. I suspect the OP would have no issues had the child not also been allowed to generally be really annoying.

So long as mine are behaving I couldn't give a shit really.

I'm nowhere near my sixties but I do judge parents like that because they are entitled, inconsiderate and vacuous idiots. No I don't forget that it is hard having small children but if you can't manage the situation, then you should avoid restaurants until (if ever) you can. And calling someone 'an old bitch' is uncalled for.

So how would you control an 11 month old then? I’m really genuinely interested in how parents would keep their 11 month old children from screaming in the high chair back in your day?
This is exactly the type of comments that make me despair!

It might be hard to fathom but it is possible to communicate with an 11 months old. It start by telling them gently not to scream and say pointing a finger when the do and saying shush, gently with a smile.

If they continue, they are picked up and taken outside until they quiet down. And repeat. Even if it doesn't produce the expected outcome, they are in the process of learning it and as a stranger, it's much easier to accept knowing that they are learning than dealing with parents who expect every one else to be disturbed by their child because they can't be bothered to teach their child appropriate social behaviour.

Once they show signs of being bored… 15 minutes in? And you walk them round… you mean leave! Exactly.

That’s my whole point. The debate isn’t about a baby being messy, it’s about a parent having the cheek to think they can have a meal in the first place. That’s my point. Let’s not pretend its about your superior parenting because your baby behaved once at a wedding 😂