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Original poster

11 month old in restaurant

576 replies

Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 14:00

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

OP posts:
Newmum0322 · 20/05/2023 20:09

vivainsomnia · 20/05/2023 20:03

So how would you control an 11 month old then? I’m really genuinely interested in how parents would keep their 11 month old children from screaming in the high chair back in your day?
This is exactly the type of comments that make me despair!

It might be hard to fathom but it is possible to communicate with an 11 months old. It start by telling them gently not to scream and say pointing a finger when the do and saying shush, gently with a smile.

If they continue, they are picked up and taken outside until they quiet down. And repeat. Even if it doesn't produce the expected outcome, they are in the process of learning it and as a stranger, it's much easier to accept knowing that they are learning than dealing with parents who expect every one else to be disturbed by their child because they can't be bothered to teach their child appropriate social behaviour.

If you despair at this then you’re far too sensitive and should probably find another hobby outside of mumsnet!

GoodChat · 20/05/2023 20:19

It might be hard to fathom but it is possible to communicate with an 11 months old. It start by telling them gently not to scream and say pointing a finger when the do and saying shush, gently with a smile.

This encourages them to do it more because they think it's funny because you're smiling

Violinist64 · 20/05/2023 20:20

@Newmum0322, you asked how l controlled my children. I responded as did several other posters with good advice. You carried on ignoring this by saying that I thought my parenting was superior and being rude to others who are trying to help. And, yes, a meal in a restaurant is not a right it is a treat. Other people have paid good money to enjoy a treat too and they deserve to have it in peace without being disturbed by someone else's badly behaved children. If a parent has badly behaved children who are not being dealt with adequately then, yes, it is a cheek to think that they can have a meal out. Eat at home until your children can be trusted not to interfere with others' enjoyment.

Newmum0322 · 20/05/2023 20:33

Violinist64 · 20/05/2023 20:20

@Newmum0322, you asked how l controlled my children. I responded as did several other posters with good advice. You carried on ignoring this by saying that I thought my parenting was superior and being rude to others who are trying to help. And, yes, a meal in a restaurant is not a right it is a treat. Other people have paid good money to enjoy a treat too and they deserve to have it in peace without being disturbed by someone else's badly behaved children. If a parent has badly behaved children who are not being dealt with adequately then, yes, it is a cheek to think that they can have a meal out. Eat at home until your children can be trusted not to interfere with others' enjoyment.

“badly behaved children” - the child was 11 MONTHS OLD!! They aren’t badly behaved, they’re just a baby.

And it’s not rude to disagree with someone. I disagree with you, completely. I think you are wrong. But I didn’t quote you, you quoted me, as did other users, because they felt they could shout me down. That is RUDE!

Ill say it once more for those in the back… you cannot control a baby. You can’t ask parents to stay home. You can ask parents to leave. But you cannot ask parents to control an 11 month old baby!

ilovesooty · 20/05/2023 20:41

@Newmum0322 you were sufficiently rude to have a post deleted.

What you said was far more unacceptable than anything anyone has said to you.

Violinist64 · 20/05/2023 20:43

@Newmum0322 nobody is shouting you down - you are the only one who is shouting anyone down as far as I can see. The behaviour cited by the OP was bad but only because it was encouraged by entitled parents who think that because their baby is the centre of their world, others must automatically agree. Perhaps l phrased my post wrongly. Instead of saying badly behaved children l should have said badly behaved parents who let their babies interfere with the pleasure of everyone else. Is that better? Of course I cannot control entitled people like you but consideration for others is vital. Put it another way, I could take my children anywhere and know that they would behave when out and about, including my autistic child. It starts from babyhood in the way many of us have outlined.

Billyoh · 20/05/2023 20:47

LakieLady · 20/05/2023 19:46

Off the top of my head, I can't think of any pubs round my way that are child-free. I live in a small town in a rural area, so the only other choices are Pizza Express and Ask.

Maybe high end restaurants are child-free, but they'd be prohibitively expensive, and I don't think there are any of those in the area anyway. There's a posh hotel, but we probably wouldn't have met the dress code, even if we could afford the prices!

Show quote history

Most are child free after 8pm.

Billyoh · 20/05/2023 20:49

Emotionalsupportviper · 20/05/2023 19:33

Exactly!

When people aren't allowed to vent in mild and minor ways, they find the rage building up until they explode!

I'm not saying I'm like that - not at all - but I will say it's lucky we don't keep guns in the house.

Just sayin' . . .

Show quote history

And people complain about 11 month olds having “tantrums”

Pianono · 20/05/2023 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Newmum0322 · 20/05/2023 20:56

Violinist64 · 20/05/2023 20:43

@Newmum0322 nobody is shouting you down - you are the only one who is shouting anyone down as far as I can see. The behaviour cited by the OP was bad but only because it was encouraged by entitled parents who think that because their baby is the centre of their world, others must automatically agree. Perhaps l phrased my post wrongly. Instead of saying badly behaved children l should have said badly behaved parents who let their babies interfere with the pleasure of everyone else. Is that better? Of course I cannot control entitled people like you but consideration for others is vital. Put it another way, I could take my children anywhere and know that they would behave when out and about, including my autistic child. It starts from babyhood in the way many of us have outlined.

‘Badly behaved parents’… this, I can agree with!
Some parents are entitled. You say I am, which is ironic. I have taken my baby out once, and left 10 minutes in because she was banging her cutlery on the table and trying wriggle free from her high chair 😂

I am not entitled. I just know how hard it is for mums, especially new mums. Mums that haven’t had to do it before. Mums that only ever hear about what they’re doing wrong. Mums that do it alone.

I posted a genuine comment, about it being difficult sometimes, and I felt attacked! So perhaps I was rude. I just think we need to be kinder and more understanding sometimes and a little more tolerant. I could probably learn to do the same.

Newmum0322 · 20/05/2023 21:05

@Pianono

”your own behaviour on this thread is atrocious. You even got a post deleted”!

This post aged well didn’t it 😂😂

Cringing for you.

Pianono · 20/05/2023 21:58

Newmum0322 · 20/05/2023 20:56

‘Badly behaved parents’… this, I can agree with!
Some parents are entitled. You say I am, which is ironic. I have taken my baby out once, and left 10 minutes in because she was banging her cutlery on the table and trying wriggle free from her high chair 😂

I am not entitled. I just know how hard it is for mums, especially new mums. Mums that haven’t had to do it before. Mums that only ever hear about what they’re doing wrong. Mums that do it alone.

I posted a genuine comment, about it being difficult sometimes, and I felt attacked! So perhaps I was rude. I just think we need to be kinder and more understanding sometimes and a little more tolerant. I could probably learn to do the same.

Show quote history

Maybe if you think people should be kinder you should lead my example and stop calling people [QUOTE FOR MNHQ PURPOSES] a 'miserable old bitch'. Disgusting.

Newmum0322 · 20/05/2023 22:03

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fitzwilliamdarcy · 20/05/2023 22:25

Billyoh · 20/05/2023 20:47

Most are child free after 8pm.

Show quote history

Not where I live. They’re filled with parents who say things “so you’re saying parents can’t go out?!?!?!” if their overtired children are objected to.

I wish there were childfree restaurants around me, but there aren’t. So I, with my ND-related hearing issues and misophonia, stay home instead.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 20/05/2023 22:33

Yep, its extended narcissism, little freddy or phoebe can do what they like because it suits the parents. It is truly horrifying to think what it will be like when all these kids grow up and have to get on with each other.

LolaSmiles · 20/05/2023 22:37

Not where I live. They’re filled with parents who say things “so you’re saying parents can’t go out?!?!?!” if their overtired children are objected to.
That's one of my pet hates.
Nobody says parents shouldn't go out. They're just saying parents need to make appropriate plans for their children's ages and temperaments.

I find the "but what about my need to go out to restaurants, why should having a child mean I alter my lifestyle" to be weird. It's like some people really think they should be able to continue their child-free lifestyle when they've got a grumpy baby/toddler with them.

supersonicginandtonic · 20/05/2023 22:42

My children were baby led weaned, they made a mess. However, I always cleaned them up properly and I picked up everything off the floor and wiped down the high chair.
I would not let my child destroy a plant and if they screamed I would have taken them outside to calm down.

Pianono · 20/05/2023 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

A bit bamboozling as I was only referencing your own awful comments (which were deleted for being ageist) and what they infer about your own standards. It is hilarious that you see fit to call anyone a disgrace.

KnittedCardi · 20/05/2023 23:41

Health visitors discourage spoon feeding now as it's linked to childhood obesity

Well that's a load of bollox. Why were there no obese children before baby led weaning then was a thing. Countless generations of spoon fed babies, and none of them had childhood obesity.

Chickenkeev · 20/05/2023 23:56

Isn't the salient point that the parents left the mess for the staff? Kids will be kids but you clean up after them surely.

GoodChat · 21/05/2023 07:12

KnittedCardi · 20/05/2023 23:41

Health visitors discourage spoon feeding now as it's linked to childhood obesity

Well that's a load of bollox. Why were there no obese children before baby led weaning then was a thing. Countless generations of spoon fed babies, and none of them had childhood obesity.

None of them?

Achwheesht · 21/05/2023 07:34

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Achwheesht · 21/05/2023 07:35

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Achwheesht · 21/05/2023 07:36

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Achwheesht · 21/05/2023 07:37

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