To feel ‘judged’ by appearance when making larger purchases

[CherLloydbyCherLloyd]

It can’t just be me who feels this.

My partner and I are doing okay financially - we live below our means and are on reasonably good salaries considering we have young children (thus both work p/t)

We maybe dress more … low end? As in, we wear comfy clothes. Athletic wear, jeans with trainers, etc.

We are in our early 30s and probably look approximately our age.

We have found when making larger purchases (cars, furniture, holidays etc) we tend not to be approached, or salespeople give us a quick “gimme a shout if you need help” and then move on to speak to someone else.

Personally, I find this off putting and will quickly leave a place if this happens, as I think it’s pretty rude/judgemental, and can only conclude this happens because of either our perceived age or our perceived ability to afford such items.

AIBU to think it’s off putting when a business prejudges customers based on their perception of what the customer can afford?

I don't see how being in your thirties makes any difference to your ability to buy a car or furniture holiday? Is there a standard age to be doing this? I can't tell if you think it's because you look too young or too old! I think you're seeing a problem that doesn't exist.

Hard to say because no-one here knows whether you're 'that person' who sees a personal slight in every situation or not.

Experienced sales people tend to develop a nose for those who are serious about buying and those who are permanent browsers, and it's rarely got anything to do with looks or age.

Not related to your post, which I think is about whether you look wealthy or not... But my family all look super young. Throughout my childhood people at the door would ask my mum "can I speak to your mother" and assume she was a child in the house, not the owner.

The same thing now happens to me and I have kids - everyone thinks I'm about 10+ years younger than I am. I don't mind really, but it can be annoying if people presume your old/young/wealthy/poor etc when you're not. But it's just what people are like

I had this fairly recently when I was looking for a new bike. Though of course there's the double whammy of being a woman as well as not looking particularly well off. I arrived in my teenage DS's old small hatchback and the salesman was looking out of the window when I parked outside, so I did wonder if I might have got different treatment if I had I gone in my own reasonably new SUV or DH's brand new company BMW as the guy had clearly decided I had no money. I told him exactly what my requirements were and he proceeded to show me a series of cheap bikes that didn't meet them, talked down to me and told me they had nothing else. I then asked about a particular model I had seen on their website and he said "Oh I don't think so.That's a very expensive bike you know".
If he thought he was a good judge of a customer he got it badly wrong and he made sure a rival shop got my business. I might have mentioned my experience to the members of the cycling club that I'm Chair of too...

It doesn’t. I only mentioned it because it’s not like I look really young or anything.

I am generally pretty easy going and not easily offended.

I worked in sales for a long time, so I do know about how to read body language etc - however, on all the occasions mentioned; we have made a purchase either there and then, or very quickly. I can’t think of anything we do:don’t do which would give off time wasting vibes; aside from maybe the fact we maybe dress slightly less well-off than we are.

Dunno. It’s possible you are being over sensitive. An awful lot of people dress very casually these days.

Yes, I had this too. Until maybe 3-4 years ago, I looked younger than I am. Now, I think I look my age. I had a lot of people make comments about me being a “young mum” when my eldest was born; despite the fact I was 26 - so not a comment-worthy age. I was also asked if my
mum was home by tradespeople which tbh was a good way to get rid of cold callers 😂

Infuriating. We first noticed it when buying a car, again possibly because we were trading in an older car, and don’t necessarily dress like we are financially okay.

I’ve been asked to “phone my husband” before, which is even worse.

“Give me a shout if you need help” is music to my ears. Absolutely can’t bear it when sales assistants start fussing round me when I’m just trying to look at something in a shop. And I never get dressed up to go shopping, who does that?

Oh I get that. However, we were actively trying to make a purchase at the time.

Fortunately we did end up having a good experience in the store we ended up buying the items from; but two stores lost out on fairly significant sales today due to their poor service. And the service was most definitely not universal to all customers in the shop.

It could all be because it’s perceived that generally younger people prefer a more hands-off approach to purchases, rather than due to our perceived finances, but I’ve noticed that I’m taken more seriously when I visit in work clothes compared to in my casual clothes.

I get it. It’s like when you go buy a car and you take a male friend and the salesperson completely ignores you and talks to your male friend.
Or they “talk down” to you because they think you don’t know anything about automotive stuff or engines.
I left a dealership once because of that and bought a car from their competitor across the street.

What you're essentially saying is you dress scruffy. Why do you dress like that if even you think it makes you look a certain way that you don't like looking? This post is a really weird stealth boast basically letting everyone know you've got money "even though you don't look like you do"

For context, we are very well off. Drive expensive cars and have expensive things. Salesmen also don't give a shit about me either, it's not like they're all over me when I walk in just because I've got a Chanel bag, because anyone can buy things these days that make them look well off when they're not. Mark Zuckerberg looks like he's wearing his dad's suit the majority of the time, it doesn't mean a thing. I think you're inventing an issue that doesn't exist. Weird

But you can do a Julia Roberts when you buy your new car from the place next door, park outside and wind the window down and shout "big mistake" 😆. We did something similar when a cars salesman was rude, he had our details so rang my husband later the same day (we'd got up and left part way going through options as he was so rude, especially to me), I don't think he thought we were there to buy. My husband enjoyed telling him we'd ordered it up the road at the other garage after we left him.

We don’t dress “scruffy” - we dress for comfort when not at work, which means I might be in leggings/jeans, trainers and a zip up top, partner might be in athletic wear. I may or may not have makeup on. If you feel that’s scruffy, then that’s on you. I don’t dress for others, I dress for myself.

We aren’t high earners and I’ve never said we are? We both work part time, our joint salary is only around 50k. However, we do live below our means which means we can afford to make large purchases when needed.

We dress in jeans, trainers and hoodie pretty much 100% of the time. DH is 6' 3", big bloke, no.1 haircut . We used to have a game on how soon the security would clock us and follow us around the store. NEXT was pretty immediate. We were never actually approached and as honest friendly teachers we would have been fine if we were approached .
It does come in handy when street 'sales/charities' just glance past you and pag you no attention.

I get the same OP. I'm not fussed about looking made up and dress very understated. I usually time store visits for when I'm headed to gym or out to the horse paddock, so I'm dressed functionally. Lots of businesses have lost me as a customer due to what you've described. I don't appreciate being fobbed off. I'm a quick and easy sale for anyone who serves me. I've researched before I go to the store and usually know exactly what I want to buy and that the store has it in stock. In and out in under 15 mins usually, even for expensive items.

We did similar. We had a car salesperson be horrifically racist in our presence (not aimed at us; aimed at others who may be interested/have previously owned the type of car we were interested in/people who live in the town where the car we were interested in was located) so we went to another branch of the same dealership and had them bring the car up for us to buy, so we called the salesperson from the first garage to request no follow up, explaining why.

Obviously that was an extreme situation but she was horrid (making comments about large cars/large families, a certain ethnicity, a certain large city, and how we probably wouldn’t want a car that has been owned by people from said ethnicity because they don’t look after things)

Im not saying the name of the company, but it was Arnold Clark.

Haha, I’m going to see if the chuggers ignore us too.

In reverse of what others are saying, I actually think it happens more when my partner is with me vs when I’m by myself. Probably because he’s more casual than I am.

As are we. We have both worked in sales previously, we don’t want to waste anyone’s time, so if we are waiting to be served, it’s because we want to buy.

This!

Seems to be a thing on mumsnet to take some perverse pleasure in announcing how you only wear a charity shop jumper and skirt made of bin liners but you have a squillion pounds in the bank, because aren’t you oh so sensible and would never waste money on tacky things 🙄.

We’re relatively well off and just dress normally i.e. me in a dress/tights and husband in jeans/t-shirt. We’re your age and I usually have a designer bag and horrifyingly also wear a 2.5ct engagement ring (expecting this to go down like a lead balloon as admitting to having a ring any bigger than a gnats arsehole on mumsnet it social suicide), we still get the same treatment as you from sales people which is fine by me! Maybe it’s a confidence thing because I’m more than happy to walk up to a sales person and ask if I need assistance, I’d honestly prefer to be left alone unless I specifically ask for help, it’s really not something to be offended by.

I like people not crowding and annoying me when I'm looking around. So I hope they'll say, give me a shout if you need anything. I think that's pretty standard really. If you want their advice just respond by asking them for assistance.
I think you're projecting your feelings about the clothes you wear onto other people.

I definitely get it op. I have pink hair and tattoos and sales people avoid me like the plague a lot of the time. Personally I like it that way though. I dress the way I do because I like it, if others think things about me because of it, that’s not my problem

I've had this in bed or sofa shops and homeware places. I'm early 30s but look mid-late 20s (probably mainly because I live in black jeans, converse, and hoodies). I think looking a bit younger and being casually dressed makes some sales people either think I'm just looking or think I'll be buying the cheapest thing so they don't think it's a good use of their time. I left one bed place because when I asked for help they literally said "oh, are you looking to buy a bed?" in a surprised tone. I now wonder who these 20/30 something's are that are window shopping beds!

I have never had this. I think I am just oblivious, if I want a sales person I go and find one.

I mostly live in yoga pants and t-shirts, am mid 40s and drive a beat up 2013 Prius C.