To feel ‘judged’ by appearance when making larger purchases

[CherLloydbyCherLloyd]

It can’t just be me who feels this.

My partner and I are doing okay financially - we live below our means and are on reasonably good salaries considering we have young children (thus both work p/t)

We maybe dress more … low end? As in, we wear comfy clothes. Athletic wear, jeans with trainers, etc.

We are in our early 30s and probably look approximately our age.

We have found when making larger purchases (cars, furniture, holidays etc) we tend not to be approached, or salespeople give us a quick “gimme a shout if you need help” and then move on to speak to someone else.

Personally, I find this off putting and will quickly leave a place if this happens, as I think it’s pretty rude/judgemental, and can only conclude this happens because of either our perceived age or our perceived ability to afford such items.

AIBU to think it’s off putting when a business prejudges customers based on their perception of what the customer can afford?

Yes, I am a bit of a scruff bag, and we often get this:
Went to dreams to buy a bed and security and a staff member cornered us and asked if we should be going to going to the store next door because we had a shopping bag, I had 2k in my bag which I then took and spent at an independent bed shop

My only thought is who the fuck takes 2k out in cash to buy a bed? 😂

🔨 nail

This happened to me recently in a car dealership (Kia). The sales people were just not interested in engaging with my husband and I. So we drove to a Hyundai dealership and bought a £30,000 + car the same day. Completely different experience. Kia’s loss.

I certainly don’t think it’s clothes alone. I went to view a beautiful Georgian house with a big garden yesterday (with a friend who is considering buying it and wanted another pair of eyes), and looked a total scruff bag as I’d been gardening in ancient pain-stained dungarees (I live two doors along and was disinclined to get changed), and the EA took me perfectly seriously, despite the additional ‘handicap’ of a WC accent. I think I appeared confident and possibly not overly impressed with the giant house and it’s giant price tag.

Why didn’t you say “We would like some help
now please”.

On a side note I thought only old people use travel
agents now!

It's true, how your dress when buying a car etc is judged. I know loads of people who dress down, they say it gets them better deals! And if the sales people don't come to you, go to them.

Some people do judge others by their appearance, fact of life. If you don't like how you are perceived, change how you dress when shopping.

If you're turning up dressed a bit "suspect" then they are nbu to stay away. They probably see plenty of "hoodies" etc to know to give them a wide berth. Yes, we shouldn't judge people on their dress sense, but in reality we all do.

Well of course sales people judge others by physical appearance to gauge if they should spend time with them or not. It's not right but it's entrenched in society. Doesn't only happen to you.

Young people.
Casually-dressed people.
Black people.
Etc.

I think you may be getting a chip on your shoulder about this which is almost leading to a self fulfilling prophecy. I think the quality of service just varies from place to place. Most people don’t get fawned over and have to ask for assistance. I actually prefer to be left alone by salespeople and ask for help when I’m ready.

Some of this is ridiculous. Most people who actually have money dress casual smart. My in laws are very well off and my mother in law mainly wears casual clothes like jeans and trainers with a plain top while shopping but it’s all quality clothing and footwear no big labels or anything flashy.
Father in law is always in a shirt but mostly with shorts. The only give away is my father in laws watches (mother in law usually just wears her Apple watch) their cars and their credit card if you get to see it. Most of time they just pay in cash tho. If they want help they ask for it, It’s simple.
My DH and I are not typically wealthy we used to have an ok income (I’ve recently left my job to care for our disabled DC) but we’ve never had any issues while purchasing big items and we’re in our 30s.

This. If sales people start hounding me I walk away, Even if I want to buy. Unfortunately in my experience, I always get hounded and I dress in jeans too! Maybe they're playing with us and do whatever they know we'll hate.

It is a reflection of the snobbishness of the individual salesperson and nothing more. It is a gross generalisation to say this is common - a good salesperson or a general good person would not do this.

I’ve had it in beauty stores but that’s about it - I just put it down to the particular snooty stupid young staff members in question (and possibly poor store management)

Same. I’m not insulted when that happens, just thrilled.

I wouldn’t want sales assistants gushing all over me because they thought I look like I have cash to burn.

My mum says it's all in the shoes.
Rich people might dress casually but they don't wear cheap shoes.
No idea if that's true. Or if expensive but knackered shoes still count 😆

I think this probably happens for a range of reasons and you are lumping every aloof salesperson together in one homogeneous pot.

Some businesses will take a hands off approach and wait for a customer to ask for help if they need it.

Some salespeople will have learnt from experience that customers acting, behaving or dressing in a certain way are more likely to buy. So when faced with two customers, they'll naturally gravitate towards the best bet despite knowing that the other customer might also be serious.

I guess some salespeople might be judgmental idiots who sneer at your leisurewear and assume you can't afford a new car but surely these are few and far between because they wouldn't be successful or working in sales for very long.

Look at it from another point of view, if they aren't hanging round you they don't think you're a shop lifter.

Everywhere I've been lately has been understaffed so its more a matter of waiting for a member of staff to be free after I have happily browsed in peace.

I think you need to work on your assertiveness skills.

If you are in a shop and need some help, the normal thing to do is not to hang around looking like you might want to buy things in the hope that someone notices your winsome, wanting-to-buy face, but to approach a person who works there and tell them you would like to talk about buying something.

It’s pretty self centred to imagine that busy people trying to make a living are ignoring you because you choose (like millions of others) to go out in your yoga pants. You’re not that different from everyone else, honestly, even if you do seem to think you are a bit special.

Well then if you’re not dressing scruffily, I can’t see why you would assume that people are judging you for the way you dress?
Celebrities and upper class people also wear workout clothes, hoodies and trainers.

I think you are probably imagining this, if you are clean and well-presented, I highly doubt anyone gives a shit that you’re wearing jeans and trainers.

You're projecting, maybe because of some insecurity or chip on your shoulder. This wouldn't even enter my consciousness!

We look like a couple of scruffy hippies, but have a comfortable income and disposable cash.

DH is also extremely well spoken/sounds posh.

It confuses the hell out of sales people. We throughly enjoy it!

Saying that, I had a shit experience in a bike shop trying to buy a helmet recently. Seriously dismissive and patronising.

I left, bought the helmet and a £4k cargo bike from the shop over the road. Stupid sods.

OP I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s not about looking scruffy.

We went to buy a ring years ago in an area known for hustling (so not just crap salespeople) and got shown rings well under our budget. We literally had to insist we had the money in the end to get shown what we wanted.

Same with cars, posh shops etc. I’ve been followed around a local shop despite my other half having bought lots of ££ gifts there the previous day.

In our case, we looked younger than we were (not anymore) and have accents that aren’t standard around here.

We are much older now and still get it but much less.

Maybe you lack self-awareness?

More fool the sales person losing out on commission.

I suppose you'll have to ask someone in sales what they look for in a person?

I also think you are projecting. Do people really believe that scruffy = poor and smart = rich?

Maybe it's just me but some of the wealthiest people I know are the scruffiest and some of the poorest people I know put loads of effort into their appearance. I don't get this thread at all.

I also used to work in high-ish end furniture sales and that was my experience there too.