To feel ‘judged’ by appearance when making larger purchases

[CherLloydbyCherLloyd]

It can’t just be me who feels this.

My partner and I are doing okay financially - we live below our means and are on reasonably good salaries considering we have young children (thus both work p/t)

We maybe dress more … low end? As in, we wear comfy clothes. Athletic wear, jeans with trainers, etc.

We are in our early 30s and probably look approximately our age.

We have found when making larger purchases (cars, furniture, holidays etc) we tend not to be approached, or salespeople give us a quick “gimme a shout if you need help” and then move on to speak to someone else.

Personally, I find this off putting and will quickly leave a place if this happens, as I think it’s pretty rude/judgemental, and can only conclude this happens because of either our perceived age or our perceived ability to afford such items.

AIBU to think it’s off putting when a business prejudges customers based on their perception of what the customer can afford?

I’m going to go later in the week after work and see what happens.

I did wonder if it was maybe because we were out midweek during the day so they assumed we maybe didn’t work, but that didn’t really make sense since lots of people don’t work 9:5 jobs.

Our mortgage isn't as expensive as a lot of peoples in our area as we chose a smaller house than we could afford but it's still more than 10%. We've had a huge amount of big things break though this year which hasn't helped. You're giving me hope for the future though!

Sorry for the derail! The kids will be fine. Planes are exciting. Our children have been fortunate enough to travel long haul since babies and they love it! We're going to the same destination as you this summer but not the Moon Palace unfortunately! Enjoy the family time and all the restaurants.

I'll let you get back to your thread now which I have added nothing of value 😆

Big things breaking sucks! We had a similar run of luck a few years back (think 15k in repairs in the space of a year!) the good thing about that is once they are replaced you generally can put them out your mind for a while.

We have gone long haul with the big one but not the small one. Two is a lot more challenging than one though, I’m not a great flier anyway which doesn’t help. The baby has been okay on flights up to about 5 hours so it isn’t THAT much further really. Maybe 😂

I've had this. I'm a cleaner, I'm usually in casual clothing and can be a bit dusty after a day spent in various houses with fluff hair etc. Went to look a some new window frames one day on my way home. The sales guy when he saw me viewing the frames, I had stopped at one and stated I was interested. He looked at me and said you don't want to be looking at them, wouldn't the basic ones over there suit you better. I laughed and left. Bought the windows elsewhere.

Lol at our active lifestyle

Not sure why that’s funny? We have a high energy breed of dog so spend lots of time in country parks, hillwalking and such. Not really the kind of environment for a twin set and pearls.

My DH and I always get blatantly ignored in our local Barker & Stonehouse. We laugh about it.

To be fair we are not serious buyers and that is probably obvious.

We only go in for the coffee shop anyway and for me to admire a flamingo feather lamp stand that they want about 3 grand for so DH has vetoed it

There used to be a very high end bridal shop in the next town. You could only go in if you make an appointment in advance.
A friend was looking in a few bridal shops on the same day and also booked this particular place.
All fine in other places but when she arrived for her appointment and rang the bell (you couldn’t even open the door without an appointment !) the staff member (who was also the owner) refused her entry.
She was told it was a very expensive boutique and she obviously couldn’t afford to buy a dress there. When she asked how ? She was told jeans and hoodie was not worn by their clientele.
Friend and her family were very wealthy and my friend was dressed for comfort.
She made new appointment under a false name and got herself all dressed up.
Same woman answered the door.
Friend stayed there for a couple of hours trying on all sorts of dresses.
Then told her she would never purchase from her store and reminded her of their previous interaction.

This bridal shop closed down a few years later.

People get judged on appearance unfortunately consciously or unconsciously, it happens. We have the added bonus of being from a minority ethic group. Not paranoid, it is what it is. I don't care though. Its always interesting though to see surprise in a sales person's eyes when we confirm payment in cash and not on finance for large ticket items....

Yep, this is my world! Thanks to my ethnicity and it's 'unique aging qualities' I get oddest treatment in stores. Where as others can slob in get service, I have to dress up and walk in with the swagger of Jay-Z before I'm treated like a customer ready to buy. In stores I watch people getting 'sir/madam'. When I finally get service, I get 'Mate/Bro' over-familiarisation. Dropping slag or swear words when I've just listened to them speaking professionally with the other customers. I dread buying things like cars because I know it's going to humiliating.

I enjoyed this story from a colleague, whose dd had been left a lot of money by a long-estranged grandparent.

Intending to buy a house in an expensive SW London area, she went into a local estate agent to ask about a property on their books. She was early 30s at the time, and I doubt very much that she’d have been dressed in any way but ‘ordinary’ - just not the type.

The estate agent looked her disdainfully up and down and said, ‘Have you got a mortgage in place?’ (Implying ‘No way can you afford that!’)

‘Oh, no,’ she said brightly. ‘I’ll be paying cash.’
I’d have loved to see his face!

I doubt the estate agent was suggesting there was no way she could afford it. Plenty of young people have money and buy fancy houses.
It’s a basic requirement from the estate agent to find out if someone is actually in a position to make a genuine offer. An offer from someone who doesn’t have a mortgage lined up likely wouldn’t be accepted.
An estate agent doesn’t give a shit if someone is buying with cash or a mortgage, neither does the seller really. They both get the money regardless. All they are concerned about is a solid buyer. It’s not judgemental to ask.

Bridal shops are insane.

They all convinced that they're selling a luxury, designer item and customers should be grateful to be allowed through the door.

No, it's an off-white polyester frock.

Get over yourselves