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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 20/05/2023 00:46

Summerfun54321 · 19/05/2023 21:05

Agree it'll be a survival style thing. It won't be all getting in your pj's and sleeping like sardines in a tent.

But then… what about contact lenses? Women on their period?

GnomeDePlume · 20/05/2023 00:55

Nevermind31 · 20/05/2023 00:46

But then… what about contact lenses? Women on their period?

Show quote history

People with stomas. People with regular medication to take which may require a clean environment. People who need their CPAP machine.

Lots of people live with conditions which are not known to their colleagues and nor should they be unless the individual cares to share.

user1492757084 · 20/05/2023 01:26

Go to the event but go prewarned.

Take a phone with a camera.
Don't get drunk.
Take a swag - you can camp alone near by or in the tent.
Dress in appropriate clothing and boots.
Listen out to be team leader - where you can limit alcohol.

toomuchlaundry · 20/05/2023 01:52

I don’t camp. Would not be doing this even if I had my own tent.

A poster mentioned CPAP machine. You could contact HR and say you need to bring that (even if you don’t) and does that work for the team building event.

A firm I used to work for often had team building events, usually involving raft building (still haven’t learned to build one!). One memorable one was when you had to go through the spider web rope thing. All teams apart from ours had about 8 people in them. Our team had 4 and one was in a wheelchair. Needless to say we didn’t get far. And we were penalised by the assessor as we didn’t attempt all the holes, twat.

FeigningConcern · 20/05/2023 02:35

I wouldn't want to sleep in a tent with women I didn't know let alone men. I once had to share a hotel room with a female work colleague unexpectedly, that was bad enough and I knew her!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 20/05/2023 02:57

YANBU
How can they think this is appropriate?!

Haywirecity · 20/05/2023 02:59

My days of shared bathrooms are over. I don't stay anywhere where there isn't a plumbed in bathroom for my sole use attached to the bedroom. Unless the tent complies with that stipulation, I would be a day attendee only.
My company knows better than to argue with me over it.

SD1978 · 20/05/2023 04:28

You need to contact the organiser, tell them this is what you've been told, and tell them that you are asking what provisions will be made for the sleeping arrangements. If it's confirmed that it will be mixed, you tell them no.

garlictwist · 20/05/2023 04:37

I wouldn't really mind the sharing with men thing. I'd be less pleased about the camping!

noodlezoodle · 20/05/2023 04:53

Oh my god who on earth would think this is a good idea?!

As a PP suggested, please do ask to see the risk assessment, which either doesn't exist, or will be a highly entertaining piece of fiction.

LadyH846 · 20/05/2023 05:03

NOPE

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 20/05/2023 05:25

My old department did one of these 26 years ago - and they all (mixed group) shared the bivouac.

I was so grateful I was pregnant at the time and avoided this nonsense. Although looking back, no one complained and they seemed to enjoy the whole 2/3 day thing.

GnomeDePlume · 20/05/2023 07:31

When will companies learn? Over the years I have been on many surprise team building trips, anything beyond a quiz has disaster written all over it:

  • a giant inflatable assault course - fortunately nobody seriously injured but a lot of clothes ruined
  • go-carting always ends up with someone in hospital
  • skating, one person ended up with multiple surgeries to fix a badly fractured arm
  • raft building - many clothes ruined
  • 4WD safari, brakes failed on one of the vehicles. A lot of very shaken people.

If the activity has to be a surprise to stop participants walking out then organisers should realise it is a bad idea and get the quiz sheets out.

Nordicrain · 20/05/2023 07:33

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 21:02

Sadly not a rumour. I don’t want to provide details that could potentially be outing but I have the info from a reliable source who was equally horrified.

Contact the organisers and let them know that this is inappropriate and that you expect either to have access to another place to sleep or that you won't be taking part in that part of the exercise.

CastleTurrets · 20/05/2023 19:46

GnomeDePlume · 20/05/2023 07:31

When will companies learn? Over the years I have been on many surprise team building trips, anything beyond a quiz has disaster written all over it:

  • a giant inflatable assault course - fortunately nobody seriously injured but a lot of clothes ruined
  • go-carting always ends up with someone in hospital
  • skating, one person ended up with multiple surgeries to fix a badly fractured arm
  • raft building - many clothes ruined
  • 4WD safari, brakes failed on one of the vehicles. A lot of very shaken people.

If the activity has to be a surprise to stop participants walking out then organisers should realise it is a bad idea and get the quiz sheets out.

Sorry but this really made me laugh - it's just all so ludicrous!

I wonder if Jenny in accounts and Tom from the onboarding team bonded over their shared horrific experience of learning the brakes had failed....

People really need to start putting their foot down when it comes to this kind of nonsense!

Everyone in the company I work for WFH full time (globally) so thankfully we all get to avoid this kind of thing!

GnomeDePlume · 20/05/2023 20:49

@CastleTurrets the problem is that they keep the activity a secret (otherwise people would be making up reasons to be somewhere else). By the time you get off the coach at the Outward Bound/go karting/indoor climbing centre you are stuck. Your choice is refuse to get off the coach or try and make the best of it.

CastleTurrets · 20/05/2023 22:02

GnomeDePlume · 20/05/2023 20:49

@CastleTurrets the problem is that they keep the activity a secret (otherwise people would be making up reasons to be somewhere else). By the time you get off the coach at the Outward Bound/go karting/indoor climbing centre you are stuck. Your choice is refuse to get off the coach or try and make the best of it.

I would genuinely have none of it. I'd simply refuse to get in the 4WD, build the raft, go through the inflatable course etc. None of those activities have any bearing on my ability to do my job.

Thankfully I've never been expected to. Doubt I will now WFH and all.

TheHateIsNotGood · 20/05/2023 22:25

I'm all for protecting safe spaces for women but really, what are you expecting to happen? It actually does set back women's equality if we go all 'can't possibly' just because we're female.

Our gender isn't important if we want to break through any gender-dominated careers. It's silliness. If you're good at your job why declare being 'female' as being different?

We did this shit in the 70/80/90s - to make it easier for women now. Don't make it more difficult for yourselves than you need to.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 20/05/2023 22:33

CastleTurrets · 20/05/2023 22:02

I would genuinely have none of it. I'd simply refuse to get in the 4WD, build the raft, go through the inflatable course etc. None of those activities have any bearing on my ability to do my job.

Thankfully I've never been expected to. Doubt I will now WFH and all.

Show quote history

Same here, fuck any of that for a game of soldiers. No need for any of these in a professional work environment. I’d be expensing a taxi straight back home if I was on a bus with work and it rocked up to any of those places.

EwwSprouts · 20/05/2023 22:39

@TheHateIsNotGood Do please explain how mixed sleeping, in a tent, is going to improve the performance of 'international top executives' or indeed any team of work colleagues? This is the crap that's from the 70/80/90s. Ooh HR have got a wacky weekend arranged.
Respect, dignity, seeing people as individuals are much more the values of 2020s. These sleeping arrangements will make many including some males (particularly if drawn from a range of countries) uncomfortable. I agree with a PP the in-house lawyers don't know about this yet.

TheHateIsNotGood · 20/05/2023 22:53

Actually sprouts I agree, a completely pointless exercise thought up by people with no better way to earn a living than come up with crap such as outlined by the OP. It's only made worse by the people in charge who make even more money for suggesting and paying for, crap like this.

It's not about sharing a 10-berth tent with 9 other men, it's about standing up to bollocks like this. Sometimes it takes a woman to make the stand for common sense - and I bet/hope that most of your fellow 'campers' will agree irrespective of their gender.

Coronationstation · 20/05/2023 23:18

TheFlis12345 · 19/05/2023 20:46

I wouldn’t be sleeping in a tent with any strangers, let alone that number of men. In fact I would refuse if it was colleagues I know, make or female. I’m a professional adult, not a venture scout!

100% this! I wouldn’t share a hotel room with a colleague let alone a tent!!

UsingChangeofName · 20/05/2023 23:21

@TheHateIsNotGood - not speaking for anyone else, but it is nothing to do with being female for me. It is simply that I don't like camping. I know plenty of women who would be up for this - but not as a compulsory work event. They are people who choose to go off camping / doing outdoor stuff, because they enjoy it. Unless you re in the armed forces, this has got nothing to do with work. I am paid to do a job that has nothing to do with camping or survival techniques or anything in that ball park. My objection has nothing to do with being treated equally to the men. I wouldn't expect the men to be treated like this, either.

RunningUpThatBuilding · 20/05/2023 23:29

It strikes me as massive problem in terms of inclusion. Definitely not been thought through.

In my workplace part of our onboarding training is focused on inclusion and making adaptations for others who may, for example, be neurodiverse.

If any of these participants are neurodiverse, rape victims, survivors of domestic abuse, subscribe to certain religious beliefs, have private medical issues etc this idea of forced fun could cause significant alarm and distress regardless of their sex.

LookAtThatCritter · 20/05/2023 23:34

YANBU. I’m in the military and have had to do this on occasion, but only when leadership has had NO way around it. I hate it every time and have witnessed issues when it’s happened. Honestly, as an adult I see very few times that it’s acceptable to be made to share a room with anyone.

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