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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
HalfMumHalfBiccit · 19/05/2023 23:35

Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.

ladykale · 19/05/2023 23:37

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

LOL.

Have you never had a job?!

Iizzyb · 19/05/2023 23:41

I'm an employment lawyer if one of our clients suggested this we'd be giving it a huge red flag & literally laughing at them what a truly awful idea.

Plenty of things to wrong on work do's. We often used to write an article just about Christmas parties & the things that could go wrong. This just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen frankly.

As others have said sharing with women fine, mixed tent absolutely not.

NotMyDayJob · 19/05/2023 23:42

I wouldn't be sleeping in a tent full stop, for any reason. Yanbu OP

JudgeRudy · 19/05/2023 23:44

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

I'd have more of an issue with the 'unspecified' team building exercise. If l was warned that is would entail some physical activities and an element of 'roughing it' for example raft building/orienteering and camping, then I wouldn't personally care who I shared the tent with.l assume id be sleeping half clothed and dirty.....but that's me, I don't mind sharing toilets, hospital wards, changing rooms etc but i accept many people do.

MsRosley · 19/05/2023 23:45

No way on earth I would agree to this.

LadyatLady · 19/05/2023 23:47

jeez I’ve seen some of the worst behaviour at work events and I work for a ftse 100

frazzledasarock · 19/05/2023 23:48

So your company expects you to share sleeping facilities with nine probably drunk men.

no I wouldn’t go and I’d complain to HR about such an idiotic non inclusive ‘team building’ exercise.

ChildcarePanic · 19/05/2023 23:49

I'm so glad I work somewhere were they actually have a policy that says that any sleeping arrangements must allow both people a bed in separate lockable bedrooms.

Ilovelurchers · 19/05/2023 23:49

In all honesty it wouldn't bother me unduly but the point is that YOU feel uncomfortable, YOU don't want to do it, ergo you shouldn't do it! Nobody will benefit from you doing this in any meaningful way so it is absolutely reasonable to either refuse altogether, or request adjustments that would make you more comfortable (if there are elements you would like to do/feel would be beneficial to your working relationships with colleagues). If it is the sleeping arrangements you specifically (and quite reasonably!) object to, it may be possible to change them. Certainly worth an ask.

Ingrowncrotchhair · 19/05/2023 23:52

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

I’m glad you get to be so naive

Violasaremyfavourite · 19/05/2023 23:55

Even if it was a single separate tent for you I wouldn't entertain the idea. It leaves you isolated and vulnerable. I have had a 35 year plus professional career and I have never shared with a colleague. Once about 30 years ago with possible overbooking of accommodation it was suggested I might have to share a twin room but it was never suggested I share with a male and in the end I had a separate room. Colleagues won't respect you for allowing yourself to be treated like this either. I have nothing but respect for a female colleague who refused to belay down into a dark cave for a jolly spelunking team-building exercise.

ItchycooParkCult · 19/05/2023 23:57

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 20:46

It's a work event, I don't think anyone will behave totally in an out of order way. Take ear plugs and more likely than not you'll have a good/perfectly fine time.

Tell that to the women in the military who are raped, assaulted and harassed by their colleagues.

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/oct/25/revealed-scale-of-abuse-and-sexual-harassment-of-women-in-uk-military

Revealed: scale of abuse and sexual harassment of women in UK military | Military | The Guardian

‘Widespread’ mistreatment linked to physical pain, fatigue, alcohol abuse and depression, research finds

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/oct/25/revealed-scale-of-abuse-and-sexual-harassment-of-women-in-uk-military

Motnight · 20/05/2023 00:02

Bloody hell. I can't believe that anyone thinks that this is reasonable in any way.

kingtamponthefurred · 20/05/2023 00:04

TheFlis12345 · 19/05/2023 20:46

I wouldn’t be sleeping in a tent with any strangers, let alone that number of men. In fact I would refuse if it was colleagues I know, make or female. I’m a professional adult, not a venture scout!

I wouldn't be sleeping in a tent, full stop. No way would I be participating in this exercise.

TicTac80 · 20/05/2023 00:09

I've camped/slept in tents and bashas for more than 30yrs. I love camping. I'd happily crash in a tent with my own friends/family (male or female), but I would NOT want to be put in your situation though, where there is the possibility that I'd have to sleep in a tent with 9 guys I don't really know. In your situation, I'd get confirmation asap on what exactly the arrangements are, and then make my decision based on what the plans are.

Batalax · 20/05/2023 00:10

Am I the only one who thinks it could be fun.

But then I like camping. I wouldn’t worry about them being men. It’s a professional work trip and safety in numbers,

Ponderingwindow · 20/05/2023 00:11

I wouldn’t agree to that.

I literally couldn’t do it, even if it was all women.

they aren’t thinking this through at all. Not only does it create risk and violate privacy, but it does not allow for people who have medical needs to have those needs met. Not everyone will have disclosed every detail of their personal requirements, only what they think is necessary for a reasonable business trip. This plan is ridiculously ableist.

Youdoyoubabe · 20/05/2023 00:21

Sounds fun. I would go.

HermioneKipper · 20/05/2023 00:21

What on Earth! 100% no

CherryCokeFanatic · 20/05/2023 00:26

Does this happen to be a company involved in the manufacture of something very sweet and other edible items?

UsingChangeofName · 20/05/2023 00:26

I wouldn't be sleeping in a tent for a work team building exercise, even if it were with my dh, or on my own, or with a female colleague.

There is no possible way this has been put to any HR department in the country. Sharing a tent with 9 other people is way beyond what anyone should be expected to do in the name of "fun", let alone colleagues of the opposite sex.

It is unbelievable this has got past the first time anyone voiced it outload.

Ponderingwindow · 20/05/2023 00:29

Escapefromhell · 19/05/2023 20:58

I have done this in the past on survival style management training events. Everyone sleeps under a tarp or in a tent. You don’t get changes to go to sleep, it is not like anyone exposes themselves. It isn’t as if there is a shower or anything. Just for one or two nights it is fine. No different from falling asleep in a plane full of strangers on a long hall flight

Assaults happen during those long haul flights

MrsMorrisey · 20/05/2023 00:39

Surely everyone attending thinks this is a bad idea?!?

Good Grief!

MrsMorrisey · 20/05/2023 00:39

Bearpawk · 19/05/2023 21:12

Nope, that can fuck off. I won't even share a hotel room with a good friend of the same sex if I can help it these days

😂😂😂