To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

[Touranosaurus]

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

It is a huge problem of inclusion.

These types of activities are designed by people who like these types of activities. They have no insight into just how unsuitable they are for anyone who is not them.

All too often these activities are led by people who enjoy taking others down. Humiliation is part of the experience.

Just how useful are they? How does it help a business to discover that Rahul has no sense of direction or that Lysette is really good at lighting fires?

It’s shocking that the company doesn’t see anything wrong with his set up considering the amount of sexual harassment cases in the media in recent months.
If you say there are very few women at your company, it’s very likely that a man organised the camping and didn’t even consider how a woman (you) might feel about the arrangement…
Try speaking to someone about it, maybe HR and not to complain as such (unless you want to as that would be well within your rights) and to explain your position and maybe they’ll arrange a separate tent for you so you don’t miss out.
Please update the thread so we know what happened in the end. 😊

This.

It sounds hideous, not to mention inappropriate and I wouldn't be doing it!

😂😂😂 👍

Just how useful are they? How does it help a business to discover that Rahul has no sense of direction or that Lysette is really good at lighting fires?

It's not so much about the tasks but taking you away from your comfort zone. Do you work well in a team, if the team has a task do you lead or follow. Do you analyse the problem and find a solution. It's more about observation of you and how you cope.

It's rubbish really as most people either see it as a jolly or don't try.

The organisation preparing the event should have been advised of any issues that need addressing eg Bill is blind or Sue is in a wheelchair and amended their schedule to cope.

@Achwheesht fully agree. What nonsense

YANBU. Presumably they wouldn't expect you to share a hotel room with nine men, so why should the fact that's a tent make any difference?

Except that the people booking these things don't know what disabilities, religious/cultural constraints, personal history, physical limitations etc the participants have. Especially when as OP has described, this is an international group.

Worse are the events arranged by someone in the office. A colleague decided that it would be fun to book a large house for the team. We would all cook dinner together - there were about 16 of us but we weren't close knit.

I asked where he was thinking as there are few houses with 16 bedrooms to rent. 'Oh, we can all share'. Who would be making sure that the kitchen was equipped for 16 people to cook together? He hadn't thought of that. Was anyone in the team a first aider? He hadn't thought of that. Who would be making sure all allergies were catered for? He hadn't thought of that.

I answered that I wouldn't be available.

The men might not want to share with a woman either

Absolutely hell no. To be honest I wouldn't share sleeping quarters with a female colleague on a 'compulsory' work event, I would only go if had my own room (or tent!) - I don't sleep well, and also snore so would just feel supremely self conscious and wouldn't sleep a wink.

I'm mid 50s, the older I have got the more I have learned that my experience of life is not everyone's experience. I'm also more comfortable saying 'no, that doesn't work for me and it likely won't work for other people'.

Oh flipping heck - if any woman wants to do any co-worker team building then carry on - yes I'm guilty of thinking that these 'team-building' work events are a load of crap but that really wasn't the point I was making.

Maybe OP thinks it's a great idea and is completely up for it as long as she can have her own single-sex tent. That is surely an easy ask of her employer, if she doesn't have one then I'd ask my employer to pay for one. Win-win situation. But if OP really doesn't want to go to this event for other reasons, then state those instead rather than because she's a woman.

I'm not sure why that is seen to be 'internalizing mysogyny'.

Although I'm 60 (for the ageists here) I'd actually still share the tent with the 9 men just as I would have done over the years too. What exactly am I supposed to be worried about - they're colleagues, we're team-building - I bet at least 1 of those 9 men are more appalled at the tent-sharing than me.

You don’t need to miss the event.

Just have a word with the organiser that they need to ensure whatever accommodation is provided for the 2 day event gives you privacy and security, as the only woman in the group.

Few adults could enjoy sleeping with 9 other people. Are you sure this is correct information?
YANBU

TBH I'd be out at the camping element, before we got on to the unsuitable sharing arrangements .
I do to the loo at least twice a night - more when I'm conscious of it being an issue to go - and only camp with DH now due to makeshift internal toilet arrangements ( we have our own compartments). Zero way I'm trekking to and from outdoor loos that number of times.

Achwheesht - a bit dramatic don't you think? Your scenario is implying that the other 8 of your colleagues would do nothing as the 1 assaults you? That assumes all men are 'predators' and also too 'weak' to act?

Doesn't matter how old I am but that's a terrible way to view 50%ish of the population, engendering fear based on gender is going backwards, not forwards, towards gender equality.

Of course not ALL men are predators but the sad reality is that SOME are.

Unfortunately many women (myself included) grow up with what I'd consider a healthy consideration of their personal safety. Not because I'm "going backwards with gender equality" or think "all men are predators" but because I have personally experienced predatory men and they were terrifying experiences I have no wish to repeat.

I would consider any women who thinks it's okay to stay in a tent with 9 men she doesn't or hardly know to be naive. It's something I would never do.

Also - there's more to this issue than potential predatory men - what about religious believes, private health issues, past trauma. I think, for example, a rape victim would be distressed at staying in a tent with 9 men regardless or not if any of these men are predatory. How would she even know they were safe?

beliefs*

It’s not even just about safety, it’s about privacy as well. The only other person I will willingly share sleeping space with is my husband. I have lots of lovely male relatives and friends who I know are not predators but shacking up in a tent with them - no thanks.

Not being allowed to state that there is a difference between the sexes is setting us back generations. No one is assuming all men are predators but they are physically stronger and faster than us. And it is fair to say people often don’t intervene and turn a blind eye. This puts me in mind of the case of an 18 year old student who was raped and a passer by asked if he could have a go next.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11730599/Teenager-night-London-raped-twice-including-passer-asked-go.html

All comments taken on board, I'll just carry on doing my usual, low key stuff and leave the gender equality and 'created fear' to the new female equality champions.

Maybe it's about 'segregation' now instead - even more steps backwards - so it might not be about gender, but it could be drinkers and non-drinkers, or more likely for the OP, sharing with sub-ordinates. More steps backwards

Maybe the real secret of the plan is finding out who in the organization is actually a team-player and who isn't. Careful OP, don't bite yerself in the ass.

"I also bet that if I DID accept being in that position and was assaulted or raped you'd be one of the first to say 'she happily accepted sleeping in a room with 9 senior male employees?"!

Achwheesht now you are being truly offensive and way off the mark. Please stop it now.