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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
Anon1231990 · 19/05/2023 22:49

FYI this was for a multi national plc... The whole 'course' was secret

The attendees (global) were given a time, date (2 wks), hotel. The 'outwards bound' weekend (Inc comunial living) aspect was a secret. So big multinationals (at least the one I worked for) don't seem to see any issue with the approach... It would 100% be unsuitable for any disabled / impaired participants...... (un)surprisingly none were on the course 🙄

ReleasetheCrackHen · 19/05/2023 22:51

All women going should be in their own tent.

bumbledeedum · 19/05/2023 22:53

TheFlis12345 · 19/05/2023 20:46

I wouldn’t be sleeping in a tent with any strangers, let alone that number of men. In fact I would refuse if it was colleagues I know, make or female. I’m a professional adult, not a venture scout!

This

NCGrandParent · 19/05/2023 22:57

No no no no no. This would be completely unthinkable in any work place I know. Completely inappropriate. Even sharing single sex I would be hard pushed to entertain. It is an awful idea and opening up employer to any number of complaints/issues.

Is it the type of place where there would be repercussions if you refused to go? Or refused to participate for those who will only find out on the day? If so, also in danger of a constructive dismissal claim.

nokidshere · 19/05/2023 23:01

*TheFlis12345
I wouldn’t be sleeping in a tent with any strangers, let alone that number of men. In fact I would refuse if it was colleagues I know, make or female. I’m a professional adult, not a venture scout!

Absolutely this. I wouldn't even share a nice hotel room with one other person, nothing on earth would make this a good idea

MyDogStoodOnABee · 19/05/2023 23:05

It was a no to tent, never mind the other occupants!

Mummyratbag · 19/05/2023 23:07

Urgh no. I didn't think they still did this crap.

Absolute no to sharing with 9 men and wouldn't feel any safer in a tent on my own to be honest. What do they honestly think people get out of this?

So glad I work in a small considerate company.

7eleven · 19/05/2023 23:08

Point blank refuse. Absolutely outrageous.

rookiemere · 19/05/2023 23:08

ReleasetheCrackHen · 19/05/2023 22:51

All women going should be in their own tent.

Or indeed their own hotel rooms, as is usual for work events.

Daisy62 · 19/05/2023 23:09

Complete nonsense. If it's really happening, tell them you won't be participating. Can't see how it could be sprung as a surprise, many people couldn't physically/mentally do this without warning and preparation even if they were willing.

Violinist64 · 19/05/2023 23:09

I would not want to sleep in a tent full stop never mind with strangers. They surely can’t enforce you to attend this event.

OhwhyOY · 19/05/2023 23:10

If you've heard about it officially can you/your reliable source raise concerns about it with organisers/managers in support of everyone else? I'd be extremely uncomfortable with this set up unless they had planned single sex teams (which it sounds like is impossible based on what you've said) and it's surely discriminatory to expect a lone woman or couple of women to do this in this way, particularly with no forewarning and chance to raise concerns?

Nanny0gg · 19/05/2023 23:10

Thank the Lord this sort of thing wasn't around back in my day.

Are you able to refuse this sort of thing? As presumably much of it is in your own time, not work's? Would that be the Kiss of Death to your career?

Mindovermatter247 · 19/05/2023 23:10

i wouldn’t have a problem with it being mixed, my problem would be it’s with people you don’t know or trust. I used to be in scouts and when we were older 14/15 we often had mixed tents, only with people we were comfortable with.

crazyaboutcats · 19/05/2023 23:12

I would not share any accommodation with any colleague unless a private room with ensuite.

It's completely inappropriate for a work place

Ungratefulorunreasonable · 19/05/2023 23:15

Sharing a tent with men I don't know wouldn't bother me anymore than sharing with women I don't know would. And I love camping. But I'd absolutely hate an enforced camping based team building event with people who were not equally enthusiastic about camping!

GnomeDePlume · 19/05/2023 23:16

You always find these things are proposed by some bumptious idiot who thinks that their hobby is amazing and relishes the chance to inflict it on a wider audience. Their senior manager smiles indulgently and quietly books a golfing weekend which clashes.

SequinDiscoBiscuits · 19/05/2023 23:16

If anyone believes we have equality in 2023, imagine a guy's response to the prospect of sharing a tent with 9 women, in comparison to the answers on this thread...

Also a nope from me.

Grumpy67i8 · 19/05/2023 23:18

If it's such a big company, there will be HR or someone else to speak to. If you cannot get to anyone, then don't go. I wouldn't, that sounds horrific. No way am I sharing a tent with people I'm not close to, especially men.

Paperbagsaremine · 19/05/2023 23:23

Jesus, for my last morale-boosting company thing, the firm took us all in a coach to a local theme park, told us when and where lunch (and the departing coach) would be, and made us bugger off and have a nice time!

Very effective. Would recommend.

Don't know what YOUR lot are thinking of, OP!!!!!!

padsi1975 · 19/05/2023 23:29

Oh my God, NO! Nothing on earth would make me do that. I'd feel so deeply deeply uncomfortable. I wouldn't even really want to share with female colleagues but men.....no way.

VonThorn · 19/05/2023 23:31

Go to the presentations, leave.

If anyone tried to persuade you otherwise, the phrase "you must be fucking joking" could/should be used liberally. I wouldn't even bother excusing myself from the thing - it's so outrageous, it's untrue.

MMMarmite · 19/05/2023 23:31

I love camping and outdoor activities. Still there is no way I would want to share a tent with 9 male work colleagues. Not unless my job was a leader or researcher on wilderness expeditions. YANBU.

HoppingPavlova · 19/05/2023 23:31

I would think it would be single sex tents, even if it means just you in a 10 person tent. Can’t believe any large multi-national company would be keen to put itself in such a precarious legal situation with the set up you described so it’s likely been factored in.

25sheets · 19/05/2023 23:32

Unbelievable that anyone, or any company, would think this was in any way acceptable.