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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a tent with nine men I don’t know

346 replies

Touranosaurus · 19/05/2023 20:43

I have a two-day company event coming up, organised by the parent company in a large international group. The event will be attended by top senior executives from different businesses and countries. According to the agenda, there will be presentations on day 1 followed by departure for an unspecified team-building event, away from the main venue with return travel the following day. I’ve discovered that the secret team-building event is a camping trip which will involve sleeping in tents of ten people, based on pre-assigned teams. The last time there was a company event, I was the only female in my team because it’s not a very diverse company at the top levels. So, this means I can reasonably expect to end up sleeping in a tent with nine men who I don’t know well or at all, who I can expect to encounter in a professional capacity in the future and who may or may not be quite drunk. There will be no privacy and no personal space. The whole thing makes me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for all the people for whom it remains a secret and who will have no choice but to spend the night sleeping in a tent with strangers. But at least I have a chance to make my excuses.

YABU: Camping in a tent with people you don’t know will be character-building and you will have a great time! It would be a shame to miss the whole event because of one night.

YANBU: Sounds bloody awful and it’s unreasonable of the company to expect you to be comfortable with it. Make your excuses and only go to the presentation part.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 23/05/2023 08:56

yoga4meinthemorning · 23/05/2023 08:27

What nutjob organises this and thinks it's ok??

It's trendy and the thing to do. It sits alongside management consulting where you bring in strangers to tell you how to run your own business.

Sensical · 23/05/2023 09:23

YANBU, absolutely no way in hell would I be ok with this

@TheHateIsNotGood this is nothing. To do with being a team player or not and ‘Created fear’!!!

I’ve been verbally harassed and physically groped more times that I can count. All the women I know have numerous horrible stories.

Ive been followed through a park in broad daylight (while at work) I’ve been followed into women’s toilets, I’ve been cornered on a train. I’ve had my bum grabbed by a colleague while at work. My sister’s male colleague ‘joked’ about ‘gizzing in her face’ and management told her it was just him ‘being a lad’. I could go on and on and on.

Imagine you got bit by a dog, not just one, but multiple dogs on a regular basis. You’d be wary of them all.

All these men I’ve encountered, and those that other women have encountered, will have jobs and will work with women. Not all men, but I don’t know which ones and OPs company will not know which ones (or maybe a few do and turn a blind eye).

This is wholly inappropriate to expect no one to have an issue with it.

ILoveToSquanderPromise · 23/05/2023 09:25

It's trendy and the thing to do. It sits alongside management consulting where you bring in strangers to tell you how to run your own business.

Strangers who have no idea of diversity and inclusion, who aren't considering anyone's medical conditions and who've never done a risk assessment in their lives. Management could have saved the money they spaffed on consultants to get all attendees their own nice ensuite hotel room.

GC1 · 23/05/2023 10:05

This is a Very quick way to get and unwanted reputation for yourself! There's no way I would go! The rumours that would start and cod possibly damage your career. I would approach the organiser and voice concern being the only female going. There's no way I'd let anyone put me in that position. I work in a male organisation and would never even think about it. Definitely don't go.

ASimpleLampoon · 23/05/2023 11:28

They would have lost me at "team building" and anything that infringes on my personal
Time.
Huge nope from me.

bringincrazyback · 23/05/2023 13:39

GC1 · 23/05/2023 10:05

This is a Very quick way to get and unwanted reputation for yourself! There's no way I would go! The rumours that would start and cod possibly damage your career. I would approach the organiser and voice concern being the only female going. There's no way I'd let anyone put me in that position. I work in a male organisation and would never even think about it. Definitely don't go.

Reputation? Rumours? We're not living in the 1950s...

THEDEACON · 23/05/2023 14:02

Don'tale an excuse just tell them it's inappropriate and you mot participate It's a hard NO

Roundandnour · 23/05/2023 14:10

GnomeDePlume · 22/05/2023 09:11

@Roundandnour have you noticed how the events always start with senior motivator saying 'I'll tell you a bit about myself'.

They will then tell you that after 'a stint in the military' (read cadets/reserves/boys brigade) they realised that 'people need to be challenged' to Think Outside The Box, to Get Out Of Their Comfort Zone, to Push The Envelope.

What will then follow is a series of activities designed to only work if you have done them 50 times before and you are good at map reading/raft building/abseiling down cliffs and have a good head for heights.

Funnily enough these were not the key skills asked for when Julia and Bob were recruited as senior finance managers.

Julia and Bob already know each other so spend the breaks chatting about office politics and how the new system implementation is going.

😂 yea I have. They seem to love the sound of their own voices.
If they just got on with the thing, it would be over by lunch time.

They don’t seem capable of staying quiet either when you finally start building the raft or whatever.

I was deemed by the organiser as trouble when I asked if we were having our JD’s changed to include washing windows, my line manager laughed.

Thankfully just one day.

Saschka · 23/05/2023 14:20

Many, many people, both male and female, will be unhappy with mixed sleeping areas. This is indirect religious and sex discrimination. Point this out to the organisers. They are demonstrating that the company has no diversity awareness whatsoever.

Roundandnour · 23/05/2023 14:23

GC1 · 23/05/2023 10:05

This is a Very quick way to get and unwanted reputation for yourself! There's no way I would go! The rumours that would start and cod possibly damage your career. I would approach the organiser and voice concern being the only female going. There's no way I'd let anyone put me in that position. I work in a male organisation and would never even think about it. Definitely don't go.

Would the op get a reputation if she had separate accommodation?

Anyone who implies a had a gang bang on a works overnight event would be asked what the hell they were on. Only immature people who assume something happened.

If they persisted remind the of Brokeback mountain and why aren’t they assuming in reality I slept elsewhere and let them carry on with their all male gang bang.

LinaM20 · 23/05/2023 15:07

What has happened to diversity and inclusion? This should definitely not be allowed. I work at a large multinational company and there would be all sorts of people that wouldn’t be able to do this for religious and cultural reasons. No-one at my company would even be expected to share a room. Totally unreasonable and I would raise it with HR. (I am HR ;) )

toobusymummy · 23/05/2023 16:34

No, nope, not a chance! I wouldn't camp in a tent with people I know, largely due to health conditions but I don't know many adults without a dicky back or dodgy knees and even sleeping on camping beds would be a flat no from me, I would be fairly pissed off if I was asked to share a room with a colleague I knew of the same sex in a hotel - I'm a grown women and value my privacy! - but a tent, with 10 people, most if not all of whom are likely to be men, just no (and I think from a risk assessment perspective the company are handing themselves a whole heap of issues!) - do the team building, retreat to a hotel room or no dice I'm afraid!

NotSoLittle · 24/05/2023 12:13

@Touranosaurus Have you spoken to anyone in HR/ the organisers of this yet?

Gimmethemoney · 24/05/2023 13:30

Unacceptable in this day and age

Conkersinautumn · 24/05/2023 14:11

But you don't have to think your colleagues are all predatory to not want this sort of work activity. Noone owes their company their privacy this is handing your whole self over, work is for paying the bills that doesn't mean they get to literally brand us and send us off to do whatever. Adults get to choose who to get changed in front of, sleep in front of, wash in front of.

Brefugee · 24/05/2023 14:14

ask them how they are going to protect the men against possible malicious complaints of sexual misconduct by one of the women, if they have to share accommodation.

MarrymeJM · 24/05/2023 17:51

From an executive point of view, the reason they planned this secret venture out into the woods IS to test you in your leadership skills.
So what I would do is keep shtum and when they do spring it upon you, then show your assertiveness and leadership and demand what makes you comfortable. You are a senior executive after all and this could be the making of you.
You could perhaps tell the other 9 men they need to make their own tent ( or sleep under the stars Bear Grylls style etc) and you have this one that has been provided.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 24/05/2023 17:59

Your work can’t be this naive stupid can they?

Harls1969 · 24/05/2023 18:39

YANBU - as soon as camping was mentioned, I'd run for the hills (nearest hotel). I certainly would not be sharing will a load of blokes. Or women. I'd just not be camping.

NoHunsHereHun · 24/05/2023 18:50

They are batshit if they don’t think this is a disaster waiting to happen. Or, more likely they have completely forgotten that they employ any women because everyone involved in planning it is a man. OP you don’t even need to address it as “I feel uncomfortable”. It’s literally something along the lines of “I’ve heard that this is planned - the current plan of team tents won’t work because an employer can’t require mixed sex accommodation. What’s Plan B?”

Cariadm · 24/05/2023 18:54

Eileen101 · 19/05/2023 20:44

No way on earth would I be doing that. Women, yes. Mixed, no chance.

Maybe if there were more females besides the OP but definitely not on her own...NO WAY JOSE!!!! 😱

PalominoUK · 24/05/2023 19:02

As a survivor of sexual assault, I'd be asking for a reasonable adjustment.

Bloopsie · 24/05/2023 19:04

Definately not and tbh i dont think it will be a good look if you slept with men in the same room and shared same wash room etc. 100% no.

Missingpop · 24/05/2023 19:12

Just from reading the initial post I’m screaming no they can’t do that to you; that’s wrong totally out of order wrong wrong wrong!!! I would be too scared to sleep 9 blokes who I don’t really know; who may be a little tipsy no way surely there will be other women on the little jaunt surely they could just group you all together in one tent & you join the teams at breakfast next morning! I’d be having a conversation with the others as soon as the plan is revealed & all make a stand together

changeme4this · 24/05/2023 19:32

You need to speak with HR and sort this out prior to the event. This sort of surprise is unacceptable.

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