‘He’s so bright but he just won’t work’

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If he was ‘so bright’ then he’d know he needs to work to get results.

The ‘clever but won’t work’ thing is trotted about so many DC, but it’s self defeating. DC worry that if they did work hard but dont’t get Grade As, what then? So they don’t work, and keep the myth of their cleverness alive.

Meanwhile parents convince themselves their children are ‘very bright’ but [x excuse]. It all leads to poor mental health in teens as the myth and the outcome diverge.

AIBU?

YABU if you're that bright you don't need to work and can coast through mandatory testing. It's a shock in the real world when actual work is required so it's probably better to be a bit more average and have to learn how to work when you're younger

I'm in my 50s and got away with being a 'bright but won't work hard' all my life. I remember a frustrated teacher talking about my not doing any homework and saying the trouble was that I knew I'd pass my exams anyway, and my thinking well duh why do the work then.

There are pros and cons, to be honest. I've done fine academically and at work. But it does set up bad habits that can be hard to break, and makes life unnecessarily stressful.

You can have brightness/potential and waste it through procrastination or having your ability to focus affected by stress from something else or an undiagnosed neuro diversity.

Have you never sat on the sofa and "known" you need to do something, but stayed on the sofa anyway?

If he was ‘so bright’ then he’d know he needs to work to get results.

Or he's worked out that getting good marks in <whatever it is> isn't necessary or important to him? Some of the brightest minds around have failed miserably at the regimented school/exam system.

Because it's boring if you can do it all.
I didnt push DS to revise for his maths test, because its fairly certain he will get 90-something percent (currently got 97%, 102%(!) 100%). He is bored.
I did make him revise for the science.
He knows he needs to revise for Spanish, as that's something he needs to work at.
But he used to love maths, and get given extension stuffy to keep him happy. This year that has all gone, and he is just so bored finishing an hours lesson in about 15 mins, and not allowed to do anything but sit and wait afterwards - I've asked about his school mandated reading book, or me supplying maths puzzles. Both rejected.
Roll on setting in maths in September!

I remember reading something about this and having a bit of a lightbulb moment a few years ago.

I suppose it's a fear of failing at something that has always come easily - 'bright' children can build a lot of their identity around the fact that they're the clever one and never learn about persevering to achieve something.

I was 'bright' as a child and did very, very well at school - until I didn't. Unfortunately the habit of coasting through was hard to break, and not being 'the best' at this thing I'd always excelled in was hard to handle.

My child was/is bright, so has never had to work.
He could always get good marks without trying. Learn spellings...never did that, he knew them all already. Read this school reading book...why? I am reading far more complicated things for fun. Maths...can't set you any more extension work, just help everyone else.

Yes, when he has hit harder things he struggles with, it has come as a shock, and led to a reluctance to try if he thought he would fail.

Wouldn't work/revise for GCSEs...walks away with 7s and 8s, (I'm sure he could have put more effort in and got 9s, but he only needed 5s and 6s)
His brother in contrast is working his socks off, and will probably struggle to get 5/6s.

A levels this year, I know he has been working hard in school, including his study periods, but won't work/revise at home.
He is predicted decent grades...we shall see.

YANBU.

I see it on the education threads sometimes. A bit of an attitude from some parents (a small minority) that somehow it is 'unfair' if their 'bright but lazy' child gets less good grades than a 'less bright but hard working / tutored' child.

I don’t like when people describe children as bright but lazy. However I think there are lots of different ways to be “bright”. Some children might be naturally gifted with maths, but easily stressed by tests, others might find art very difficult but enjoy it and have determination. Formal testing measures such a small amount of the skills and qualities that children have. So I don’t like the idea that some children are bright and others aren’t anyway. I think having a big personality and being someone people like is a type of social intelligence, and certainly something that would help in the world/work place. Yet someone with that, but who might not excel is the tradition subjects at school, wouldn’t usually be described as bright although their ‘talent’ is likely to help them go forward in life, possibly more than children who are just ‘book smart’.

If he was ‘so bright’ then he’d know he needs to work to get results.
Not if he's getting results without doing the work.

Agree with this. DD (9) is bright but her teachers over the last few years have all said that she only ever does just enough and doesn’t show her true capabilities, particularly in written English work. After some gentle probing, and dealing with what turned out to be anxiety-related meltdowns, we realised that she had a terrible fear of failure. We’re working on boosting her self confidence and her resilience (because it’s impossible to avoid failure, it’s about how you handle it) by working both with the school pastoral care team and getting private counselling sessions.

A teacher friend has commented to me that she’s noticed a huge uptick in children with anxiety issues in the last year or so, whether it’s Covid-related, or general pressure at school, we may never know but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a lot of “bright” children who are afraid to push themselves too hard.

I met plenty of bright but won’t work hards in my 26 years teaching secondary.

Bright and Work hards have discipline, self motivation and good time planning. Bright but won’t work hard don’t seem to have these traits. Or they come later.

Completely agree @Weallgottachangesometime - every child is ‘bright’ at something. There are very few duffers, really.

The issue is lack of parental emphasis on delivery. In the real world, no-one cares if you are ‘bright’, they only care how well you carry out whatever task it is you need to do.

So there are all these kids thinking they are specially clever and then melting on contact with reality because they haven’t understood you need to materially demonstrate your ability (i.e work!).

I'm one of these 😂 i was so exceptionally lazy. I did no work for my GCSE some how coming out with 10 A-C grades couldn't believe how easy they were and then completely flunked my a levels although got a b in one but me and my mate stayed up at some boys house the night before the exam what a disaster! Totally failed the exam but picked up enough in coursework to get a B.

Since then I went on to get a masters degree but had to grow up first and had no parental support. Used to bunk off school and my mum used to ask me what I wanted to watch on tv. My poor teachers used to ring up asking where I was and we'd both listen to the voicemails coming through from them and laugh

I don't think it's always a case of "won't". I'm more than capable of wasting a day, when I know there are far more benefits of doing something productive with it

I get things done when they must be done, I do enough not to lose my job or to get the next one, but a young person who doesn't see any immediate effect to their actions, has "loads" of time to get it done? I can see why they don't always do it.

I'm not lazy, I'll work hard for certain things, but I can seriously lack motivation.

How exactly would you "emphasise" delivery beyond telling them how important it is repeatedly?

I really hope you're not a teacher, being judgemental about parents whose situation you clearly don't understand and apparently trying to motivate students with no understanding of why they find this difficult.

It's exceptionally difficult to tell someone their child "is thick as shit but also lazy"

So they couch it in more palatable terms.

I'm one of those. I struggled at school because I could do extremely well when put on the spot, but I couldn't seem to get my head around motivation for long-term things, or revising. I got through my GCSEs and A-levels on sheer winging it. It helps that I'm naturally articulate, I think.

The issue is lack of parental emphasis on delivery.
Not always. My parents tore their hair out over me. Whatever my buttons were, they couldn't find them, and neither could I.

I ended up finding work in the creative field. It suited me; I could let my brain go off in all the random, crazy directions it wanted to go and call it work!

Cleverness ≠ emotional maturity. You're conflating two separate things

It's actually bad for everyone to be told they're "talented". If all your ability/self worth comes from something you were born with, what do you do when that's not enough?

You are wrong @JaneJeffer

IME this is a fast track to mental health struggles ^ cos not doing the work is still not doing the work. And, that is a dangerous pattern for University and working life. No-one is interested in their genius and it comes as a bit of a shock that it was Work that was the deliverable all along.

The issue is lack of parental emphasis on delivery.

No it really isn’t. I’ve seen so many desperate parents at parents evening. Ds was didn’t work hard, despite me pushing him.

Exactly.

OP do you really think there are loads of parents of bright kids not telling them they need to work? I'd suggest the ones who are worrying about it and saying things like he's bright but won't work, have really tried, a lot.

Oh I hear you. I have one procrastinating over revision for his final exam next week. He can't stand the subject but thought he would when he picked it. Bright kid, but just won't apply himself. Has for all the other subjects with occasional prompting.

In actual fact, I found DS1 did start to work (a bit) only once I "gave up" and backed right off.