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Original poster

Fiancée doesn’t like my body

150 replies

pumpkin23g · 19/05/2023 10:25

I have lost weight recently (approx. 6 kilos) so I am 2 inches smaller on my waist & hips, bringing my hips down to 38”. Lots of weight loss around face too.

My Fiancée has always loved my body especially my hips, or so I thought.

A few nights ago (on the phone), I had mentioned the 2” loss around my hips/ weight loss generally. He asked if there is now anything left for him to pinch! I said 38” are left and he immediately mentioned that “it’s not enough”, as in my hips are no longer big enough, multiple times. (He is a bottom/ bum kind of man).

I confronted him immediately and he said he didn’t mean it like that &he wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying as he was browsing his phone.

The damage had already been done however and I have been left feeling very insecure and inadequate to the extent that being “not enough” continues to ring in my head, and I cannot fathom any intimacy with him anymore.

We have continued to argue about it, he is apologetic but doesn’t understand how it is a dumpable offence or that it hit me really deep, probably more so than it would most.

I genuinely do not feel confident to continue an intimate relationship with him, and I’m afraid I won’t come back from this or feel comfortable with him again. I suggested not moving forward with this relationship any longer. Am I overreacting? Is this something which is fixable, I feel with my reaction and low self esteem it is something that’ll continue to sabotage our relationship :(

OP posts:
Fedupofdiets · 19/05/2023 10:28

Yabu it was a throw away comment and you've blown it up waaaay out of proportion. I think it's doomed if you don't get a handle on your self esteem as it will push him away.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 19/05/2023 10:29

If you're not comfortable, ditch him.

If he doesn't pay attention to what he's saying to you because he's too busy scrolling on his phone, ditch him.

TeaKitten · 19/05/2023 10:32

You are over reacting, it was a stupid rude comment, but a throw away one and you are twisting it. He didn’t say YOU aren’t enough, he clumsily said 38” aren’t enough to pinch, rude yes but it’s really not that horrific. But you can end a relationship for any reason you want so YANBU to end it if you aren’t comfortable anymore.

KimberleyClark · 19/05/2023 10:32

He has no right to dictate how your body should be, I would think twice about marrying him.

UsingChangeofName · 19/05/2023 10:32

Fedupofdiets · 19/05/2023 10:28

Yabu it was a throw away comment and you've blown it up waaaay out of proportion. I think it's doomed if you don't get a handle on your self esteem as it will push him away.

This.

If you aren't 100% sure you love someone and are comfortable with them, then obviously don't marry them, but from your description, I'd hear that comment as "I love you and really don't care what size you are".

You need to work on your self esteem.

AllGussiedUp · 19/05/2023 10:33

You can dump him for any reason you like.

I don’t think he’ll really notice a couple of inches loss from your hips to be honest. 😅

The whole thing sounds bizarre. You’ve lost a stone from all over by the sound of it. It’s not a big deal.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 19/05/2023 10:35

Honestly I think it was just a flippant comment, and may have been made to be reassuring?
if I’m trying to lose weight, my DH will sometimes say ‘oh no, we need more Twoshoes, not less!’ Because he knows I feel pressured to lose weight. It’s sweet.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/05/2023 10:36

There must be other pretty big issues between the two of you if you’d end your relationship over this one comment. Are you looking for a reason to dump him? That’s what it reads like.

brunettemic · 19/05/2023 10:37

This isn’t the reason you want to end the relationship, if you want to stop making silly excuses like this and address the real reasons.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/05/2023 10:39

I think it was just a random comment

Tell him not to comment on your body like that again, and then forget it

Mirabai · 19/05/2023 10:39

Unfortunately you sound immensely insecure and hyperfocused on appearance and weight.

Men can make all kinds of awful insensitive remarks but commenting that you’ve lost weight and there’s nothing left to pinch is not one of them.

You’ve massively overreacted imo - to the point that it sounds like you need support for your body image.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 19/05/2023 10:39

I'm all for being harsh on men who comment unfavourably on their partner's body, but it doesn't sound like that's what he was saying- more ooh I do like your bottom in a clumsy way. I very much doubt he genuinely has gone off you, it wasn't said in reaction to your actual bottom! I think you are insecure about this and projecting what he meant- he's made it clear he didn't mean anything much by it. He's not trying to control your body or says he doesn't like it now, is he?

Frabbits · 19/05/2023 10:39

It does sound like it was a misjudged comment that wasn't really meant maliciously.

I mean, you can dump anyone for any reason you like, but if this is the only issue you have in the relationship it seems like you are blowing it way out of proportion.

Thehop · 19/05/2023 10:40

You've lost less than a stone. A 2 inch loss on your hips he won't even have noticed. You've told him in order to draw his attention to it then blown a comment way out if proportion I think.

i think you could do with working on your self esteem maybe?

RestingMurderousFace · 19/05/2023 10:41

Presumably there’s more to you than the circumference of your arse?

Tinkerbyebye · 19/05/2023 10:42

Grow up

Sissynova · 19/05/2023 10:44

So he basically says he is happy with you being slightly bigger and no doubt if he said he preferred you smaller you would also launch into a rant about how much pressure he was putting on you, how hard it is to maintain a lower weight, how you shouldn't have to do that to please him etc etc.
The man can't win.

This level of reaction over a comment like this, ending an engagement and moving out signifies an extreme level of insecurity from you.
It sounds like actually you aren't ready for marriage.

LetItGoHome · 19/05/2023 10:45

As a stand alone comment it was clumsy. In an otherwise strong relationship separating seems rather extreme. Is this just one incident or is there a pattern of him putting you down?.
Unless there is a back story I feel quite sorry for him and a bit of a red flag for him. I don't think he would feel particularly secure either in the relationship if a split is threatened over falling out that's just a one off.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 19/05/2023 10:47

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 19/05/2023 10:29

If you're not comfortable, ditch him.

If he doesn't pay attention to what he's saying to you because he's too busy scrolling on his phone, ditch him.

Yeah you pay attention to everything your partner says every single time, what a role model you are lol.

InchHighPrivateI · 19/05/2023 10:48

Sounds like a clumsy way of trying to say he doesn't think you need to lose weight. Unless there's more to this story I wouldn't think any more of it.

riotlady · 19/05/2023 10:52

It’s a bit of a clumsy comment but I think you’re reading too much into it.

Teddypops · 19/05/2023 10:53

Do you not live together OP?

Has he not seen you recently?

ringsaglitter · 19/05/2023 10:57

@UsingChangeofName

He said "it's not enough" - it was his honest gut feeling, and he's trying to retract it now.

CountryStore · 19/05/2023 10:57

Stop weighing and measuring yourself and try and focus more on getting fitter and liking yourself more, would be my advice (from personal experience)

YouJustDoYou · 19/05/2023 10:58

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 19/05/2023 10:29

If you're not comfortable, ditch him.

If he doesn't pay attention to what he's saying to you because he's too busy scrolling on his phone, ditch him.

This.